2 My problems

I don't know where to go. Just thinking about what can I do with my life makes me want to cry makes me want to not keep living so I aways try to avoid the topic.

My father and mother are people that I like to think they loved me but even though sometimes I feel like I should not be here I feel like an outsider I feel that I am just a punching bag. Even though that's what I sometimes I also see like they care but that just gets my hopes up a little.

My parents weren't the one's that raises me. I knew my whole entire childhood that they existed but they were just an illusion. To tell the truth I just knew they were people. My grandparents on the contrary are the one's that accepts my faults.

Being with my parents I don't feel that energy that I feel with my grandparents that electric current that makes me feel like I am really loved. The only times I felted that way was went I got a good grade in school a felt that they were proud I felted like I started to being part of that family but never happened.

Family problems are aways tha same but at the end they care about me and that's how I avoid feeling more and more depress. I know that avoiding that problems is not a great move but I just scared.

I am scare to ruind everything more that how I have mess up on till know. Thanks to my grandparents I haven't get in drugs alcohol but that does not mean I never thought a bout it. My firts try was smoking I went to my uncle's and stole his cigarette but I stop that the day I moved with my parents I stop because thinking how my grandparents would feel if they knew I did drugs.

So my alternative to all of that was music anime comics and to just try to think positive but my problems keep getting bigger and bigger each year.

now I have to start I life of my own and that just terrifies me.