1 1. Prologue

Why do I keep getting rejected?

One Chance. Just Once. I will prove to them that they won't regret hiring me.

Another day, another interview. Yet again, rejected. How many times is this now? Why? I don't think I'm lacking, given I've just graduated and have enough basic knowledge in the field to be able to learn whatever advanced concepts needed in a week's time. Dressing in the borrowed jacket and formal pants, I always attend in a presentable way, yet why? Where am I going wrong?

After the interviews, I sit for a while because I am unable to process my anxiety. The unrest causing my heart to feel like it's about to stop and the slight stomachache makes me want to puke while feeling hungry. In such a state, I can't even swallow my food. It's as if the core of my being is shaking with an uneasy fear. Slight pain accompanying it.

Despite my recent interview being fairly okay, I was unsure. The interviewer wasn't impressed but at the same time he seemed to consider hiring me. I told myself, If I get hired this time, I'll stop being an atheist and preach the words of god, show my face everyday at least once to the gods. It's a wonder how I switch between the two moods but I hope I find my calling soon.

The time you have left between the interview and the call that decides your fate, is the most stressful thing I've experienced in my short life. No matter how many times I self-harmed before to get through the feeling of being left behind, this feeling made me want to stab myself to stop it. It was similar to being left on seen by your crush after a risky text message but to an extreme extent. The anxiety will keep pestering you until time passes and you never get the call you're waiting for. It makes you agonize over the fact that there was no response. Not a rejection nor acceptance.

I am the kind of person who takes it upon his worth about such things. Even though they're not related at all. All I do is put myself down with that information. To put it simply, my self-worth was suffering but little did I do to help it. I didn't know how to help myself, let alone anyone else.

If only I could see my own profile analysed by the world's standards and know where I was lacking. In this shitty world, I stood low. I didn't even need to question, I knew my place.

Running laps was all I could do to not think about it. I was trying to avoid it all. Just trying and trying but getting nowhere. I started to believe something was fundamentally wrong with me and doubted my ability to pave a way for myself through this shitty world. I knew I was pathetic to blame the world but more than that, I hated this place.

The more I looked at the sky in between my laps around the city, the more I longed to leave this place. My heart became unquenchable, craving for something that can only ever exist in books and imagination. Friends. Bonds. Happiness. Understanding. Second chances. With my hands on my knees, I breathed heavily and gasped for air.

Looking at the sky with orange hues of dusk, sun setting at the horizon in the distance. The violet sky on the opposite end was approaching as if eating away at me. I wondered looking at the brightest star I could spot.

Is there a world like that? A world that exists just for me. A place where I can for once experience being the main character and feel special. Like a smug bastard who gets everything, with not an effort wasted. Like giving me a chance just because I wasn't like the others, that's main character privilege right there. I'm not the main character in my own life. This is just wishful thinking. As though I could ever know if we were alone in this universe or there existed countless others where I might be successful, where I made a different career choice. Maybe dead too.

The cold wind blowing gave me a chill making me think what kind of main character moment is this? I snickered to myself at my silliness.

Oh, my relatives in heaven, please call me home soon.

Running back home, I fixed myself a light meal and entered the shower. Even showering seemed like a chore and all I wanted to do was lie down and sleep, if possible, forever. Never waking up from dreamland doesn't sound that bad. With a lot of effort, I managed to push myself into bed under the sheets.

The moment my head hit the bed, I fell asleep without trying to. If only I could forget how to stress rather than forgetting how to be happy. The world I so longed for didn't exist anywhere and that was my reality. It was no use hoping for the impossible, as if the universe would bend to a human's will that doesn't even compare to a fraction of it's long and lonely existence.

In the dark of night, I opened my eyes. Unsure whether I was dreaming or hallucinating, the colors wiggling around were taking shape that I didn't recognise. For the longest time, I blinked my eyes adjusting to the incandescent light. It was a screen with my name on it, written in bold, floating in mid air.

[Name: Yohan Wan]

[Age: 24]

[Attribute: Main Character(???), ???]

[Exclusive skills: Wo???(???), ???]

[Overall stats: Strength (?), Agility (?), Physique (?), Magic (?),???]

[Overall Rating: ???]

[Remarks: ???]

What is this? When I felt like I was starting to process the bright window infront of my eyes, it blurred beyond corrigible text. As if swirling in a whirlpool, head under water and consciousness as hazy as mist; I was drowning in a corralling flood of auroras.

The morning came as easily— as if my misery didn't matter at all. It really didn't. It was hard waking up to yet another jobless day. Feeling the pressure and judgemental eyes of others, being unemployed right after graduating feels illegal. Would I be dead if it were really illegal? I wonder.

I was tired even though I woke up after a full nights's sleep since I had no work. It feels bad having so much free time, knowing nothing about how to spend it. I have no desire to study anymore nor do I wish to be rich. Just enough to help me survive this world is fine.

The dream I had last night, I couldn't remember anything. No matter how hard I tried, I knew something yet it didn't reveal itself. One of my most favourite things were dreams. They're always somewhere in the corner of your subconscious, being the fuel to your imagination.

Going out for walks was something I started to do out of necessity to keep my mind out of the big sad and today it felt particularly so. While walking out under the morning sun, basking in vitamin D; There was a raucous sound of wheels skidding on the road right behind me. Before I could turn around or even see what killed me, I was dead.

Do the dead still keep their consciousness?

["No"]

What? Who?

[Initialising World Warp]

What?

[Adjusting Mental Shock]

Sumimasen, nani the fuck?

["Sh�"]

I don't do drugs. I don't drink. Is this a dream? Who? What is happening? The blurry vision of mine could only see a red tinted screen. The red was probably my blood. Behind the screen, the humanoid figure tried to talk to me but that slowly started to feel distant. Far away in a place that can't be reached ever again. Slowly drifting into what people call the afterlife. I closed my eyes. Finally, I'll be dead.

[Initialisation complete]

[Starting Warp]

["Un�il Ne xt Tim e"]