3 A Heavy Heart

September 2014

I frowned just as the doors to my private jet swooshed open and the cold wind of midnight blew across my face, brushing through the luscious locks of my black hair. I didn't want to be here. I simply didn't want to move to the place where I lost my childhood and my mother.

My mother was a charming woman. Her beautiful smile could make a cloudy day shine brightly. The times when we used to have those girl nights on weekends, right after she got off work were fresh in my mind. That didn't happen anymore. The woman who promised to stay by my side and protect me left me forever.

Life didn't stop, though. It never did for anyone. I was ten when I had to move to Canada. It was after my mom's death, my aunt doubtlessly stepped forward to take me in. Years later, I couldn't have been more grateful to her. However, my glee was short-lived, when she too was diagnosed with Brain tumor. The same monster that took my mother away.

I wasn't lucky enough to experience father's love. All I got was a glimpse from gawking at my classmate's parents every day at school. My mom avoided the topic like it was a plague. The question was always on the tip of my tongue but I didn't dare to ask aunt Karen about it. I felt as if it was a sensitive topic. It hurt to be in the dark. But I swallowed the pain and learned to accept the truth.

That night Scott told me the truth about my dad. Knowing the truth didn't hurt any less. It felt like another dagger right through my chest.

My dad didn't want me. As a matter of fact, he wanted to get rid of me before I was even born.

I couldn't comprehend what compelled my mother to be intimate with a married man. Nevertheless, the results were drastic.

My supposed father went as far as to threaten my mother to undergo an abortion. But she never gave in. Instead, she promised to stay out of his life, keeping the whole thing a secret. But it was bound to be revealed someday, and when that day came, the man and his wife separated their ways. It turned out he didn't live long either.

After my aunt's death, I was left alone to cry for myself. So, that was what I did. I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore while Scott just held me in his arms. The pain felt real at that time. Emptiness never left.

It was difficult. Very difficult.

I had gone from depression to starving myself within a week. I was not exactly proud of it. Then there was the issue of custody to top it all.

At first, I was confident Scott would be given the custody. But when another shocking news surfaced, I lost all the hope. But a new hope sparked.

I had a half-brother.

Scott was hell-bent to fight for the custody but he knew he didn't stand a chance. He wasn't related to me in any way. The fact that he had to move around continuously as his job demanded didn't help. He had never regretted doing drugs in his past as much as he did now.

Not to brag, but I was a global star. Putting me in just anyone's hands was dangerous. The court had eventually declared its statement and here I was, at Incheon International Airport, going to live with my half-brother, who didn't even know about my existence till a few days ago.

Yup. Feels great.

"Honey, you okay?" Scott expressed his concern which I returned with a small smile.

I don't know.

"I'm fine." I replied, clutching the strap of my bag and made my way down the stairs to the ground. I pulled my jacket closer as the cold spread shivers across my skin and walked along with Scott to the lobby.

Nervousness set in and it grew with each step I took forward. Every time I looked at the entrance of the lobby, the urge to run back to the plane and back to L.A was comforting. Stupid questions ran through my head.

What if he doesn't like me? What if he holds a grudge against me for everything that's not my fault?

Never had I thought I would come back here. It had been almost a decade. The sunglasses I wore covered half of my face, hiding my identity. I didn't want people to know about my departure to Seoul. The last thing I wanted was chaos from media in my already chaotic life.

Scott promised to keep everything confidential until I was ready to reveal to the world. I was sure my brother didn't wish anything else with the mess in his life at the moment.

All I concluded was that he was handsome or sizzling, according to Flynn and a rising star of this generation along with his band members. I just wished he was a good person.

As we entered the arrival check, my eyes immediately darted towards two boys standing along with other people. Dressed in pajamas with hoods over their heads. They were wearing sunglasses, the taller guy holding a pluck card with my name, upside down. If I didn't know better, I would have had easily mistaken them for Muggers. Then, the realization dawned on me. He didn't come to pick me up. When I felt relief wash over me, I knew I wasn't ready for this.

"Scott." I tugged on his arm and looked at him to realize he was speaking on the phone.

The boys were facing each other talking among themselves. Their waving of hands and the way their heads tilted intrigued me and without my consent, my feet dragged me closer to them keeping a minimum distance of ten feet between us. I immediately hid behind the nearest pillar which they were really close to and 'accidentally' eavesdropped on them, hoping to get a heads up before meeting them.

They were speaking in Korean, but I smiled to myself cheekily knowing I could understand every single word.

"Hyung, How much longer?" A soft, sleepy voice whined.

"Just, stop talking Jungkook. You are giving me a headache with your constant whining. I should have brought Hoseok, instead." The taller guy muttered, still audible enough to reach me.

"We don't even know how she looks. What if a fan notices us and pretends to be her?" Jungkook's voice sounded slightly panicked.

"Then we are officially fucked. Let's hope that doesn't happen." The taller guy said, then he stiffened, "PD-nim said she would arrive with her guardian whose name is Scott. So, we would know. Stop worrying about that."

Both of their voices sounded tired and guilt made its way to me.

"Her name sounds so familiar, though. What if-" Jungkook started and then immediately shook his head. "No. That's near to impossible."

"Jungkookie, there could be millions of Heyes' in this world for all we know and there's a 99.999999999 percent that it's not your Jade Heyes." The taller guy reasoned. Ah, so they knew about me.

"But what about 0.000000001 percent? And hyung, her manager's name is Scott too but I have never seen him though." He's a fan, alright.

I giggled quietly as I heard the other guy let out a huge sigh. It appeared more like he was trying to suppress himself from snapping. "I know you love her and all, but if you want to live, just shut your mouth and let me stand here in peace." The taller guy gritted out.

"Hyung! You may act all nonchalant. But I can tell you are nervous." Jungkook spoke and I bet there was a smirk behind that mask.

"yah! What makes you think that?" I peeked a little to glance at them.

"The sweat on your forehead." A giggle followed. The taller guy shot his hand up to touch his forehead.

"Ah, it's just hot. Don't you feel it?" He started fanning himself.

"But hyung, its 12-degree centigrade. Too cold to even break a sweat while running. Just admit it. You too think it's her."

A smiled crawled on to my lips. I knew them. Having a best friend who happened to be a hardcore fan of the band definitely helped. I decided to come out of my hiding place but they were still busy defending their flushed faces to notice my presence.

I cleared my throat startling the two boys in front of me and moved forward to take the board from them to place it back correctly. Jungkook's big eyes went wide before he spoke.

"You are Colton Heyes?" His thick English accent came out as he pointed back and forth between me and the pluck card that said 'Colton Heyes'. Not many people knew my middle name. So, Scott suggested it would be safe to use it.

"In flesh." Their eyes held hesitance whether to believe me or not. Just then Scott came from behind me.

"I see you met them already." He smiled at me and then turned to the boys standing in the front.

"I'm Scott Walsh." Scott held out a hand. Upon hearing that, they both relaxed.

"Nice to meet you, sir. I'm Kim Seokjin and this is Jeon Jungkook" They bowed down a little before Jin shook Scott's hand and then mine.

"I know who you guys are. Just drop the formalities and call me Scott." They both nodded with a smile.

"So, this is it." Scooter spoke and I shrugged with a smile.

"I'm going to miss you so much. Who's going to annoy me every morning?" He pouted like a child and hugged me, tight. I giggled at his antics.

"Get Flynn or Justin to do it for you." I stuck my tongue at him.

"I'd rather not. The last time I was nice to them, they invaded my fridge." I laughed at him.

"Aw. It's only for a month, though. I'll be back before you know it." I tried to console him. He pulled away from me and looked at me sternly.

"You better call me every day. I'll be worried." I nodded at him like a little girl.

"And you boys," Scott pointed at the two men. "You better take care of my little girl."

I looked at the boys to find them smiling at us.

"Don't worry sir. We will take good care of her. You can count on us." Jin assured him.

Scott bid me goodbye and went back into the airport. Jin didn't waste a second before grabbing my luggage and settle it in the trunk of the Mercedes he drove.

I mumbled him a thank you before climbing into the back seat, while Jin took the drivers' and Jungkook, the passenger seat.

Eerie silence clouded the car. Jungkook tried to cut it by switching on the radio but it only made the calm atmosphere in the car, noisy. He quickly turned it off. I noticed him staring at me intently through the rearview mirror.

"Hyung, do you think she knows us?" I realized I still my glasses on. So, I took them off and stuffed them in my sling bag.

"Maybe. Although there's a huge possibility she doesn't. We aren't that famous outside Korea, Jungkook-ah." Jin replied with his eyes fixed on the road.

"You guys really underestimate yourselves," I interjected. When Jungkook swung around, his eyes went as wide as Saucers and his jaw touched the floor.

"Wait, you speak Korean?" Jin took a second to look at me and he screamed, almost losing control of the steering. I gripped on to his seat, my eyes shut tight. I didn't sign up for dying today. Lucky for us there were no vehicles nearby.

"Holyshit!" He muttered and parked the car on the roadside. Catching his breath, he immediately swung around to clearly look at me. He rubbed his eyes again and again while I just stared at them with wide eyes. I wasn't expecting this.

"I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me." Jin spoke as his face held shock while Jungkook was still holding the same starstruck expression.

"I thought we were all going to die." I stated, reminding Jin how much he sucked as a driver. Jin just gave me an apologetic smile and rubbed the back of his neck.

"This is just a dream, Jungkook." Jungkook, who wasn't affected by anything that was going around him, whispered to himself, still staring at me with his saucer eyes while he slightly shook his head.

"It's not a dream, Jungkook-ssi." I pinched his arm. He pulled away immediately his cheeks held a tint of red. I giggled at his cuteness.

"You are.....You are really the Jade Heyes? And you can speak Korean? What sorcery is this?" Jungkook spoke when he was out of his shook state. I nodded at him assuring him once again.

"Hyung! I told you. My 0.000000001 possibility was right!" Jungkook excitedly yelled at Jin who slowly turned around muttering, 'I can't believe this.' After a few seconds, he shook his head, took a deep breath. After taking one last look at me, he continued to drive.

"Hyungs are gonna freak!" Jungkook spoke excitedly.

I chuckled at them. Jungkook kept glancing at me once in a while, probably to make sure I didn't disappear.

I laid my head on the windshield and stared off into the darkness through the window. I was exhausted but the sleep didn't come to me. I was anxious and Scott wasn't by my side, this time. Neither was Flynn nor Jason.

---

"Jason" I whispered out to his sleeping body beside me. He didn't respond.

"Jason." I whispered again. Still no response. The steady moving of his chest and shoulders told me he was asleep. But him not talking to me was killing me.

"Jason."

"What?" I let out a breath when he replied.

"I'm sorry." He was silent again.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you at school today. I should have listened to you and not go out with Claudia and her friends. She ditched me." He was still silent, not even moving an inch. I sighed and sat up on the bed.

"Look, I know I'm stupid. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have gone with those bunch of stuck up morons." I leaned on to his shoulder and looked at him. He still has his eyes closed.

"Can't you forgive me, this once? I promise I'll always listen to you." He was still not responding. I hugged him from the back.

"Please, Jason."

"Please." My voice croaked. I felt like crying. How could you be so stupid, Serena?

Jason slowly turned around and when he saw my face, he smiled.

"Were you about to cry?" He teased.

"No, I'm not."

"Is that so? Then why are your eyes glassy?"

"I-It was uh-" I tried to come with an excuse while Jason looked at me amused. When nothing struck my brain, I confided in.

"Alright, yes! I was about to cry. You weren't talking to me and you are my only best friend. I felt so stupid for not listening to you. I was so sad when they ditched me and you ignoring me-I felt so lonely."

Jason pulled me closer and I didn't realize I was crying until he wiped my tears away.

"I'm sorry, munchkin. I shouldn't have ignored you. But you know, I get hurt too, right? I was upset because you didn't listen to me. I was scared that you would get hurt. If you get hurt, it hurts me too."

"I'm so-sorry Ja-"

"Shh-It's okay, now." He cooed.

"Can I stay here, tonight?"

"Sure. Come on, get under the blanket and hide away from the monsters!" I giggled and hurriedly shuffled into the blanket.

---

"Jade."

"Jade." My eyes snapped open at the faint voice and I was met with a blurred face. I rubbed my eyes and saw Seokjin smiling at me. Did I fall asleep?

"We are home." I feel warmth seep through my body at his words. Jin had this aura around him. It was more of a motherly and kind one. He seemed approachable and that one person you can share all your secrets with.

I stepped out of the car to the sight of huge buildings. It was still dark and I saw Jungkook's Silhouette under the moonlight, lazily dragging my suitcase. I picked up one of my bags while Jin picked another and we made our way towards the elevator.

I was welcomed with dim lights when Jin unlocked the apartment door. Even in the dark, everything was visible under the little lights from the table stand. It was huge. The pillows of the couch were all over the place and there were bits of chips scattered on the floor.

"Well, this kinda looks like my room back in L.A." I giggled.

"Sorry about the mess. It's just we are not used to having guests." Jin apologized but glared at Jungkook.

"Hey! I was tired okay! I forgot about the cleaning." Jungkook defended himself.

"It's okay. I'm not a clean freak."

"It's only three in the morning. Jungkook, you shift to Yoongi's. So, Jade can take yours." Jungkook nodded but before he can turn back, I spoke.

"No, no. He doesn't have to give up his room for me. I'm alright with sharing."

"But we don't want you to be uncomfortable." Jin explained.

"Well, I need to get used to my brother anyway. Also, sharing room with him will give us time for bonding."

Jin sighed.

"If you say so. But don't hesitate to ask if you need something, okay?" I nodded at him gratefully.

I entered the room that Jin showed me to find it clean and tidy, contradicting my expectations. There laid two very inviting beds on either side of the room and I didn't wait for a second to push my suitcase aside and jump onto one of them.

I hoped it wasn't my brother's because I was too tired to even move. Jin told me he was probably still in his studio, working late.

I stared at the ceiling as thoughts began to flood my mind. It felt like a dream come true but what scared me was facing the person who happened to be avoiding me at the moment.

I sighed and closed my eyes letting sleep engulf me completely. I'll worry all about it in the morning.