61 Distance

Wakefulness came to Nastasia in layers. Her head hurt and was severely groggy. After a moment of rubbing at her temples to encourage the pain away, she moved to roll out of bed. As her thoughts cleared a bit more she paused, recalling the events of the night before.

Her heart began to beat a bit faster; filled with a mix of fear and tenderness.

What happened yesterday could not be allowed to happen again. She was afraid to let the deep emotions she was beginning to feel for Li Yu Rong grow. At that moment, when he touched her, she wanted nothing more than to drown in feelings he brought out in her.

And, that was terrifying. For many reasons. Yet, the foremost thought that made her unable to throw caution to the wind was this: She didn't belong in this world. She had been born in another world, her family and friends were waiting for her in that world, so she had to go back. Nastasia couldn't toy with such a sincere heart.

Even if she were able to stay, if she decided to abandoned everything she knew and loved for this feeling that had only just started spouting in her heart, she could still end up being forced back. Recalling her mother's debilitating grief after her father's death, the grief that still ate at her to this day, Natasia didn't have the confidence to risk experiencing it.

If she was really forced back after their feelings had been allowed to grow, then it would really be as if they had died to each other.

At the same time, Nastasia couldn't help but worry over last night's cause. When he came to her that night, it had been to seek solace from something that stabbed at him and brought him from his usual cool confidence. He was like a little boy wanting affection after a horrid nightmare.

It was her first time to see him in such a melancholic way.

A part of her wanted to find Li Yu Rong to discuss the other night; to understand what possessed him to move as he did. To perhaps help him cope with whatever was eating at his heart. While the other part wanted to hide away from him.

Being that neither options were something she could do, Nastasia put the worry aside for the moment. Staying awake all night and only falling asleep when the sun started rising, she had nearly slept the day away. Standing from the bed and walking over to peek out a window, from the light outside, it was probably around four in the afternoon.

Both from having promised to rest and not wanting to run into Li Yu Rong just yet, Nastasia stayed in her room. Even though she was planning to stay inside, and still feeling a bit lethargic from sleeping at dawn, she walked over to the wardrobe to change her clothes.

As she walked passed the full-length Mirror, Nastasia noticed something on her neck. Getting a closer look, her face heated up in embarrassment. There, glaringly obvious against the pale white of her flesh were a few deep red splotches. The largest being across her pulse.

Horrified, she used her hand to hide them. Realizing that she couldn't just walk around all day with her hand holding her neck, she searched through all of her clothes. Not finding anything with a high collar, she dressed in a comfortable green and pink robe and skirt. Taking out another sash, she wrapped it around her neck like a scarf.

Satisfied that the love-bites couldn't be seen, Nastasia sat at the table in her room that still had her brush, ink, and papers, laid out. The rest of the day would be spent on continuing her designs for the shop she was planning on creating. She was halfway through the blueprint she was working on for how the inside should look and decided to try and finish it before the end of the day.

Although she worried about Li Yu Rong visiting her; he never came. Paoxiao dropped in for a time and she discussed the shop with him. Showing a few designs and getting his opinion, they talked for quite a while. Before he left, she asked if he would visit Jiang Ya Lin on her behalf to consult her on how to go about hiring employees.

A few days passed like this and as far as Nastasia could tell, Li Yu Rong hadn't climbed into her bed since that night. In fact, she hadn't even seen his silhouette in the distance, since that night. While it was something of a relief, it also felt strange. For the over two months that she had lived in this realm, though there were times he wasn't around as much, Li Yu Rong had been a constant presence.

To ignore the part of her that said she missed him, Nastasia distracted herself with work, books, and playing the flute from time to time. On the fourth day, along with Paoxiao, she was getting ready to meet with Jiang Ya Lin.

The young miss of the Jiang family was quite a kind and helpful girl. Under her arrangement, several people had been gathered to be tested as potential hires for the shop Nastasia intended to create. Excited at being a step closer to meeting her desired end, she gathered up her things and left with Paoxiao.

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Since the night Hui Se Ying had been asked to investigate about Liu Yating, his master had been in a rather foul mood. Li Yu Rong had been working throughout the night these past few days, with little sleep, in his study. Not once had he taken a break to play around with that girl of his and neither did he slip into her room.

Their master's dark air, short commands, and easily upset manner had the servants treading carefully. Hui Se Ying, feeling sympathy for the servants and curious over his master's sudden moodiness, braved forward to ask after it.

Although he wasn't entirely sure of the reason, he felt like it might have something to do with Nastasia. The girl his master was keeping. He couldn't help but wonder if they had gotten into a fight, and so he worded his question carefully. "In three more days we'll be traveling to the meeting point, are you still planning to take that girl along?"

Li Yu Rong looked up from his writing, a flash of something passed through his eyes before he looked back down to finish working on the reply that quickly needed to be sent out. Ah, so he guessed rightly. Hui Se Ying wasn't bothered by his master's lack of response. Lowering his head, he began to carefully think of a way to coax his master into opening up about the issue.

There was silence between them for a short while before, surprisingly, Li Yu Rong broke it. "Hui Se Ying," he sighed, "that night, I wanted to indulge in her. Touching her, everything unpleasant melted away. I thought that she, no..." he shook his head with a rueful laugh, "I wanted to believe that she was okay with it. Because of my selfishness, I scared her."

Tossing aside everything he had come up with to make his master open up, Hui Se Ying easily moved on to what needed to be said now. "That girl never seemed to mind it so I didn't think to say anything about it but, master, in the Mortal Realm there is a thing a called 'the proper distance between men and women.' So it was probably just that, as you see... a woman's reputation is a very fragile thing. Even the tips of their fingers aren't meant to be casually touched. Especially the unmarried ones.

"So, rather than being afraid of you, it was probably just that she was worried about how she'd be viewed. After all, such intimacies between men and women are meant to be had after marriage." Such words coming from his mouth were rather comical. As, for him, the proper distance between men and women was between the sheets. Yet, considering he was trying to make his master feel better, such words were okay to speak.

Frowning, Li Yu Rong shook his head. "It wasn't that." If it were only a worry over reputation, she wouldn't have looked at him the way she did. The fear in her eyes wasn't something so simple. However, the fact that disgust hadn't been in her gaze was a great relief. "I was giving her time. Before leaving for the Spirit Realm, I had planned on discussing that night with her."

Once Aysa had a bit of time to calm down, there was a chance he could speak to her about that night and find out exactly her feelings on the matter. Once they were able to discuss things properly, perhaps he would be able to assuage her fears. Or, better yet, convince her to stay.

While that last one was wishful thinking, it didn't stop him from fantasizing about it.

Ah, this won't do at all. If master really forced her talk about it, then master would probably end up hurt in the end. Hui Se Ying quickly moved to dissuade his master from such thinking. "If you keep up with this distance," he said, trying to sound all-knowing, "then she'll be the one coming to you. From the beginning, you've been rather close to her. If you suddenly put distance between you, at first, she'll begin thinking about you constantly and then, unable to take it, she'll start trying to bridge that distance."

As Li Yu Rong thought about it, he found the idea pleasing. He was always the one chasing after her, hoping that she would fall for him. It would be nice to have her chasing after him for a change. Still, even as he entrained the thought, he felt that they needed to talk about that night. He owed her an explanation and an apology for frightening her.

Finally, he said. "I'll think about it."