10 Match 10

"I want to talk about our kiss. I'm sorry but it was wrong."

It was a new feeling. Rejection. Heartbreaking and unstoppable like an ocean wave. It crushed him hard and he felt for a second his soul leaving his body. He turned numb and somehow his brain started to operate on its own. It was a newfound coping mechanism. Leave your emotions behind, do not show that this affects you just move, speak and feel on autopilot. You can't break down now. Not again, you don't want anymore his pity.

"Oh, I see" he simply said and looked at Luke with a blank look.

It was obvious that the wolf was surprised by his reaction and everything he had planned to say didn't seem to fit the situation anymore.

"I mean… I know I sound like a jerk right now and back then you were in such a bad situation and it was kind of obvious that you fancied me so I wanted to help you."

"I understand thank you for your concern. Thanks for telling me that you're not interested, thanks for pitying me and thanks for being such a fucking nice guy." Alex said. He wanted to be calm. He really wished to be the bigger person and show that he didn't care but that wasn't who he was. He had feelings for him, they overtook him in a hurry and burned him like lightning. He was his first love and every look, every touch and smile he had managed to win were cherished memories and yes he knew it had happened so fast maybe too fast but he couldn't control it. If he actually could he would have stopped his heart from feeling.

"Wait. Alex I'm sorry I…"

"I don't care." Alex said. "I am not and I will never be someone you will pity. I didn't put my life in danger just so I could get this. I don't give a shit if you like me or not. Your feelings are your and my feelings are mine but don't you even think a second time to degrade them like that. As a means to get what you want." He shouted at him his hands flying in the air in angry gestures while Luke shriveled like a scared little puppy. Things had not gone how he expected. He had been slapped with truths he didn't want to face. He had taken advantage of his feelings to get rid of a situation that made him uncomfortable and that very low.

"It's not exactly like that okay? Let me explain…"

"I don't need your explanations. I have understood enough."

"Just please…"

"No! I don't want to hear it."

"I was scared!" Luke shouted. "I had never seen anyone react like that Alex. I was so scared when I saw you trembling and you had turned white and I didn't know what to do to help you. That was my fault. Your injured hand is my fault. Everything but I couldn't even help you emotionally and I know I'm an idiot but I was so scared when I saw you like that I had never felt something like that before. I'm sorry."

Alex looked at him carefully trying to understand his facial expression, his moving. He wasn't sure he was telling the truth because why would you even feel like that for someone you don't have the slightest feelings for? He let out a sigh and rubbed his temples. He really wanted to calm down but it almost seemed impossible since he felt like he was being felt lies all the time.

"I'm sorry but I can't believe you. Just…let's not talk for a while that would be the best option and it's not because you don't like me back believe I don't think that I like you anymore after this either or at least I'll try not to. It's because you used me just a few hours after you said you wanted to be my friend. I'm going to need sometime on my own. Tell the others I will be at the lake." Alex told him and this time he didn't wait to hear a response from him he just turned around and left, heading towards the lake that was a few meters away from the house.

The small lake was motionless and stagnant like it was in a peaceful sleep and its emerald waters shone underneath the hot sun. The lush green grass had refreshing droplets from the humidity on it and at its end started a golden area of warm sand. Alex would always sit there and let his feet get wet by the cold waters. He stood up though and took his shirt off in a hurry. He threw it behind him on the soft grass and then he unbuttoned his jeans letting them fall on his feet.

He frowned by the sun that was attacking his face but still moved forward and let himself get lost into the bottomless waters.

"Are you like spying on him?" Someone asked Luke. He had silently followed Alex without knowing the reason and Mikael had noticed his little stalking moment. "You say that you don't like him but you act like this."

"It's complicated" Luke said and let out a heavy sigh. His friend placed his palm on his shoulder with a sad expression.

"You know she was dead before I could even realize what was happening. One moment we were laughing together and the next I had her blood all over my hands and she was trying to say her last goodbye. Luke, the moments we get with the special people in our lives could end so quickly. That's why you shouldn't be like that. You're hurting the poor boy when you clearly know the truth."

"I have a girlfriend. Everyone says she's my mate. It's just that the link hasn't snapped yet."

"Not everyone. Just your father."

"I…"

"It's okay. I know you're confused but by stalking Alex you are not making things any better or by hurting him."

"I know."

"Well I am glad you do but you know what I know that I am hungry and that I left Mark clean up all on his own and he will be furious" he said managing to get a smile from Luke who had been looking concerned most of the time of their conversation.

When they entered the house it was almost clean. Mark was holding a broom stick and he had tied an apron around his waist while his other hand had a rag. Once they entered the room he looked at them with a threatening look and threw the rag in Mikael's face. The taller boy sneezed from the dust but didn't say anything he just smiled at him hoping he wouldn't get a scolding.

"An old lady came a while ago." Mark said. "She seemed to know Alex's family so I told her we were here for a small vacation. She was nice, she even asked If I wanted cookies."

"Cookies?" Alex's voice was heard from the porch. He was standing at the doorframe, his hair wet from his swim falling on to his eyes.

Luke looked at him feeling a little charmed by his carefree appearance. His dark jeans and t-shirt. Caramel hair and pretty light eyes he looked like a young rock star from one of these teenage movies his mum liked to watch with him. It was torturing while he was a child but he always did it for the free ice cream.

"Yeah and old lady came by. I told her we were on vacation."

"Oh she must've been the lady living in the next house. She was always friendly." Alex explained and plopped on the now clean couch. He put his feet on the table and tried to relax. Swimming had managed to make him think even more. He was all alone in the middle of the huge lake, all he had to do was think but now with Mark around him moving busily, trying to clean and Mikael teasing him he felt a bit better. He wanted to get away from the people but at the same time he needed them around.

"So I guess helping me clean is a no no"

"Look sweetie Luke and I were nicely nurtured wolf cubs raised to be leaders not house maids."

"My dad owns a Ferrari and I still know how to do my laundry you meathead."

"Okay, okay pass me the broom my lovely ginger." Mikael said and stood up from the armchair he was sitting only for Luke to occupy it next.

He was feeling nervous and it was obvious. He kept stealing glances at him while Alex was joking with Mark.

"What is it?" Alex asked him at some point.

"Nothing"

"Say it" Alex provoked him. "Do you have any more lies to spat in my face?"

"What lies? I didn't lie about anything" Luke said raising the tone of his voice because he felt insulted.

"Of course you didn't" Alex said ironically and Luke stood up

"It was my fault for feeling worried about someone like you" he said and Alex's eyes widened. He stood up too and looked at him with an angry look.

"Someone like me? What's that supposed to mean you jerk?"

"You know what I'm talking about. If you hadn't been like that in the first place, if you had been normal everything would be fine!"

"Like that?"

"Gay! If you had been a normal human being none of this would have happened"

Alex didn't need to think about it twice and he was definitely not going to regret it. He wasn't going to be the object of bullying again. He would not hate himself and think that him being gay was the cause of his misfortunes anymore and he wouldn't allow Luke to open up his old scars. He had already created many new ones. So he punched him with all of his strength.

Luke got riled too to and tried to lunge at him but Mikael was there to stop him by holding him back.

"Stop. Calm down" Mikael told him. Alex for a second he felt scared. His eyes started shining that color again and he knew that now his anger was pointed towards him but he didn't want to back down.

"I am fine the way I am. I don't want to hear words like that coming from a monster." Alex said and Luke immediately stopped.

They both stood quiet for a while, frozen looking at each other with unread expressions.

"You are an asshole" Alex finally said before he ran up to his room.