4 I never update

I have a bad case of writing something I find interesting, then just dropping it when I get bored. Happens so often, I dunno why anyone ever reads my stuff anymore...

Thus, I'm completely scrapping the story so far, and writing a completely new one out of nowhere. You were warned. Completely changing the setting, but I still wanna mess around with a gynophobic MC.

"In the depths of everywhere and nowhere, not a chance nor a choice

I know everyone and no one, seeing no sight, hearing no voice

I have done everything and nothing, my life is a lie

Neither dead nor alive, I live to die"

Suffering is bad. A simple concept.

Why is it so hard to execute?

Why does life have no off switch?

Why can I not die?

At the age of 12, he slit his wrist.

Medicare is surprisingly potent.

At the age of 15, he hung himself, making sure none would find me.

A laptop charger is no substitute for a rope.

At age 18, he got a girlfriend.

Betraying everything he knew about women, she didn't poison his meals. Not even once.

At age 21, he committed toaster bathtub.

It's just a meme. It doesn't really work.

At age 24, he jumped off a 10 story building.

Perhaps his life ought to have ended at that point. However, someone, somewhere refused to end him. Someone wanted him alive.

Edward turned over. A feeling of wetness arose from his back as his clothing clung closely to his skin. It was an uncomfortable sensation. He vaguely recalled having jumped.

Why isn't there death?

He vaguely recalled a three headed dog, a giant gate, and lots of fire.

Lots of fire.

The ground was coal black, the dog was ash grey, and the gate was jet black. There was nothing else. Nothing connected to the gate. Nothing beyond the gate, nothing at all. On either side of the gate was mere nothingness.

It was an odd feeling. It wasn't black or foggy or anything. It just wasn't. Nothing. This side of the gate was a vast plains, black in color, and fires everywhere.

"Let me in." He said, oddly calm. The dog merely barked, and the gate remained closed.

"Why won't you let me in?" He questioned, but the dog continued to stare at him, with little regard for his words. Beside him, another figure passed, seemingly appearing from nowhere. The gate opened, the figure crossed.

Edward dashed for the gate, but he was stopped by the dog.

"Why must you do this to me?" He sighed, before retreating. Edward craved death, thus, there was very little in this world he feared. He feared women, but any sane man would. They're terrifying

horrible demon monsters. He also feared dogs. This actually caused him a lot of distress.

As much distress as a man without emotions could feel.

Before he could steel his courage, however, the gate had closed, and with it, any chance of death.

Between him and death stood only this gate. Unadorned by anything, and jet black in color, a door that would be invisible if looked upon at night. However, here, it was the center of the world, the most important thing, the most visible thing, framed by a vast amount of nothingness.

He ran towards the gate regardless, and the dog was a lot more cooperative this time, even moving out of his way. He ran towards the gate, and tried to pound on it, however, his hand passed through the gate, not making any contact. The gate was completely opaque, and a deep black, however, Edward could somehow see beyond it. What he saw wasn't the kingdom of death, his goal, the world of peace, the garden where souls wander for eternity, forgetting the suffering of life. No pain, no suffering, no dogs, and most importantly, no women. Just white wisps who had forgotten even their own names, and emptiness. This was his heaven, the one he glimpsed when the figure had crossed through. However, what he saw through the gate was not his heaven.

He saw beautiful women with white wings, clouds, and light.

Soothing music began to play, and the women called for him to cross. A banquet was laid out, filled with all kinds of delicacies. It was hell itself. There were large, white pillars, beautiful trees, and beautiful people. Even the men were beautiful, indistinguishable from women. At the center of it all, there was a large throne, upon which, a massive figure sat, his face obscured by the clouds.

It was hell itself.

Reeling back in horror, Edward jumped back in fright, showing actual emotion for once, bumping into the dog. Realizing this, he lay on the floor, face-down, covering his head with his arms. Women on one side, a massive dog on the other. Truly, between the devil and the deep blue sea.

The dog pushed him gently with his paw, seemingly gesturing Edward to go through the closed door. As Edward remained motionless, the dog seemed to get more and more annoyed, however, it wasn't allowed to force people through the gate. Finally, sensing Edward's refusal, the dog sighed, Picked him up, and tossed him over the gate, and back into the mortal world.

Replaying the event in his mind, Edward sighed mildly, as though dealing with a slight inconvenience. Compared to the terrors of what lay beyond the closed door, even life was preferable.

This was not the first time he had met the dog. The dog refused to let him through the open gate, seemingly insistent to push him through the closed one. It never did, and he soon found it couldn't. It was perfectly capable of pushing figures through the open gate, and had done so to many an unwilling spirit in the times he had visited. One he had recognized, as he had seen the man on TV not an hour prior to hanging himself. "Why is it that a cannibal, one that kidnapped, murdered, and ate upwards of 30 children was allowed through, nay, thrown through the open gate of paradise, but I was pushed toward that terrible hell of the closed gate?" Was his only thought.

Edward got up, his back overflowing with cold sweat. 9:30 AM. 6 hours before 3:30, the time he jumped.

"It was all a dream. Your excuses get worse and worse each time." He said, his face still as a stone.

Suddenly, he hit his head against the wall, hard. Really, really hard. Yet nothing happened. Not even a slight amount of pain. Nothing. Dusting the white 'wall dust' from his hair, he turned his head to look at the dent he had just formed in the wall. "Another 3 years, huh? Blasted invincibility frames."

In another world, in another time, the gatekeeper to the underworld was noticeably depressed.

Across the table from him, an angel sits down, placing a giant mug of beer, and a smaller wineglass on the table, before pushing the prior towards the dog, now sitting down as a three headed human.

"Again? He was supposed to be dead 15 years ago."

The three headed man picks up the mug before taking a long drink.

"The man has a moral compass of a set of parallel lines, his pluses and minuses look like they were done purely in natural numbers, and yet, every three years, the man shows up at the gates of hell, insisting to be let in. What do I do? I try redirecting him to your side, but he just cowers in fear."

"Can't you just leave him there? I understand that every second is 300 years long in the afterlife. Surely you could just have kept him there for a few days until he-"

"This isn't your side. This is hell. Two people crossed while I was dealing with him. I stopped him the first time, but the second time, he'd have gotten through. I swear, there's a new sinner every other minute."

"Well, true, humanity is mostly made of sinners anyway."

"Each world, each culture, each religion have a different gate to heaven. There are like 23 million of you! I handle all of hell alone! Of course I get more traffic."

"Good work."

"Can't I just let him in hell? The man adamantly refuses to go to heaven. Otherwise, can't I just throw him over to your side and be done with it?"

"No and No."

"Lord's rules?"

"Lord's rules. 'While we may let a thousand sinners into heaven, not a single innocent is to be let into hell.' and 'Heaven is a reward. If one is bestowed a reward forcibly, it is no longer a reward.'"

"Can't we negotiate a little bit? Just one exception?"

"Can't. You know the lord's stubbornness and pride as well as I do. I swear He has a god complex."

"Mess with his paperwork a bit? Put in a good word and a wad of cash? Turn a few pluses into minuses, forget a digit here and there?"

"Not with this dude. We'd have an easier time getting his morality so high that it causes an integer overflow than putting it into the negatives. Seriously, this man... Would it kill him to give a few less coins to beggars?"

"How about getting him to kill someone? Maybe that'd work?"

"Nope, still too high. He could take a machine gun into a school and mow down all the children, but his morality would still be positive. Besides, fat chance that's going to happen..."

"What about two schools?"

"I guess that'd be enou- WHA?!! What are you thinking? You can't manipulate him. You can't speak to him. How are you going to get him to kill 2 schools worth of people?"

"How about this. We send him a game. You tell him, if he beats the game, he can come to my side. But it won't actually be a game. It'll just be another world. Let him kill hoards of people thinking it's a game, and when his morality drops low enough, tell him he won. He goes to hell like he's always wanted, and I lose the mountain of paperwork that pertains to his file. Did you know his file alone makes up 30% of my paperwork? He dies once every 3 years, while billions of other people from a myriad of worlds die every second. Yet, somehow, He still manages to F*** with my system enough to make a literal mountain of paperwork. If I don't kill him in 2 more visits, I'll be laid off. The call came today. He absolutely cannot be allowed to live past 30."

"It could work. But you never told me anything about this, okay? If this goes under, I don't want my ass being handed to the higher ups. I wasn't aware of your plans, I didn't contact the human, I had nothing to do with this. Also, you owe me 200 Rastias."

"Done. I'll make him massacre millions."

"He has to do it willingly, you know? It's the intent that counts. You can't disguise them as demons and make him vanquish them or anything. He has to know they're humans, and he has to kill them out of the evil in his heart. Can you really make him do it?"

"Honestly, I dunno. It's never been done, and the man's clearly a unique case, but I gotta try. All I lose if I fail is my job. What I lose if I don't try is also my job. And I may succeed."

"Godspeed."

"I hate him. I hate him so much."

"I know."