46 Say It Again

Jia sat up abruptly,  as she saw the glint of disbelief in his eyes. She anticipated it already.  Nothing she would do or say would make him believe. It hurt, but she deserved it. Her past would forever matter and would forever be planted in his mind. 

"Jia,  are you sleep talking?"

Jia stood up and did not reply. She knew it would not be easy for him to believe. Though his disbelief was like some crystals of salt sprinkled to an already festering wound, she knew it was something she needed to bear. If she was that determined to win him. 

She held his hand and led him out of the room. The piano instrumentals she had been listening to were still softly playing in the background and were still affecting her mood. That was the kind of music she would play every time she was down or sad or whenever she had to do some deep thinking.

"Wait for me here,"  she told him as they reached the living room while she went directly to the kitchen.

Jim slumped on the sofa and closed his eyes. What kind of spell this woman had on him that he was so closely drawn to?

When Jia was back in the living room,  she brought a pot of tea and poured him a cup silently. Then, taking the cup,  he glanced at her, who was still keeping her silence.

"Jia,  what are you going to say?  I'm waiting."

"Nothing important."

She shook his head then faintly smiled. "I just wanted to tell you that I would love to spend a lifetime serving you cups of  coffee and tea."

Jia softly laughed with a sense of mockery to herself. This man who had loved her so much would never allow himself the complete freedom to believe that she was willing to leave her past behind and start anew with him.

"And I wanted to tell you that I would love to spend all my nights in your 

arms." 

Her tone became serious. When could he ever allow himself to hold her without thinking that she had also been held closely by someone else? However,  she continued;  her tone became desperate.

"I wanted to tell you that I would want to spend all mornings making breakfast for you."

Jia felt her throat tightening. Jim knew he would never be willing to accept her fully in his mind without the shadow of Anthon tagging along.

"And, Jim,  how I  long wanted that you would, somehow,  believe that I would love to spend my whole life with you." She paused and looked up at him desperately, but he turned his head away.

" And Dr. Jim,  do I still look like sleep talking?" she added.

Seeing that he did not move an inch and perhaps would never reply,  she walked towards the window and opened it to let some fresh air in.  She sighed as she fixed her gaze outside.

Outside the window,  the world was dark and silent. Jia looked at the farthest distance her eyes could see

and wondered how long would it take her to reach there by foot.  Just as exactly how long would it take him to believe that he fully existed in her heart?

Jia then understood how Jim must have taken so much pain and patience to win her. She now fully understood how painful it would have been for him to set her free and face Anthon?  And she now understood how sad it would have been to give your all with no assurance of a single return.

But she was already determined. It was now the time for her to turn the tables on. She would return him the prize he had been longing to receive.  Just as how long he was waiting and giving,  would also be how long she would be paying back.

She turned to face him again, now determined to start her journey. But, all of a sudden,  she bumped right into him, who stood silently behind her. A bit startled,  she looked up and found him smiling.

"Come here." He spread his arms to welcome her into his warm embrace.

"You said you miss me,  so  I came flying over here to see you. You just bothered me so much with your call."

"But then you're telling me another thing," he chuckled. "It was so much more than I can handle."

Jia suddenly became nervous. He only acknowledged the fact that she missed him and not the fact that she loved him.  She turned around to watch outside the window. She did not want to see the despair in her eyes.

"What you had just said completely ruined my whole plan to just peep here and see you for a while." With this,  he pulled her backward and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She suddenly felt guilty because she was disturbing him in his duty with her irrational behavior.

"You ruined my plan because if I go... you would then be missing a night to spend with me," he teased her.

With this, she giggled again, realizing her folly and all of her unnecessary false accusations. 

"You make me love you more,  Dr. Wayne."

"Say it again!"

There he was again! She had already thought it was just her false accusation.

"What would I do to make you believe, Jim? " Jia suddenly felt frustrated and humiliated again that she almost cried.

"I just created someone in my mind and made it real with a name. So that short meeting with him would not necessarily burn down the whole long years we have spent together."

He suddenly covered her mouth with a hand. " You say too many things, my silly girl. What I only asked is that you repeat  what you said."

"Simply because saying it over and over again makes me happier!" he added.

Jia dropped herself in his arms, too ashamed of herself. She had misunderstood him entirely just because of her guilt.

"I love you,  Dr. Wayne."  The urge to cry had become irresistible that she really cried. 

"But I love you so much more,  Miss Wayne. "

"I know.  I just can't thank you enough."