1 1 - The Chaos In The Living Room!

Love at first sight? Second? Third? Or maybe love at the last sight! The moment when you finally see that you took them for granted and now they're gone! There are various kinds of love! Some are forbidden, some claim to be forever, and some are too fragile to exist. For me, all of it is crap. Thanks to the experience I have got, I know that all of it is temporary bullshit that we humans crave for some reason.

Right now, you may feel like you could look at that cute face waking up next to you forever. But, trust me! There will come a day when you will feel like, 'Damn Rishabh! Don't eat Cheetos on the bed, and please wash your damn hands before you touch me with those cheese fingers!' or 'Damn Anurag! You have to realize that you don't look cool when you make fun of me in front of your friends. You just look like an asshole!'. Yes, the potential heroes of my love life make me say 'Damn!' a lot, and not in a good way.

The point is, there will come a time where you will feel that it isn't working, and you will move on to your next conquest of hopelessness, thinking they're perfect for you and later finding flaws in your sense of judgment. Now, if you agree with me even a little bit, or If I have reminded you of some asshole in your life, I believe we should meet!

Hi! I am Ritika, and I don't want to fall in love, have kids, or see that special someone's favorite movie just because they want me to! I would rather watch my favorite movie just because I want to. You must now be thinking, 'Well, Ritika! Isn't that a bit extreme? Don't you ever feel like you should have someone special in your life?'.

Well, you're right! There are some weak-ass times where I make mistakes in my sense of judgment, like when I'm going through my 7-day monthly warfare or when I'm too tired to make my sick day soup. I know I sound like a mean and cynical old man sometimes, but at least I'm not fooling someone with the perfect girl mirage.

"You know what is the best part about being single?" I started sipping on my third glass of the Red Fratelli!

"Her Lehenga is so trashy! She says it's designer, but it's clearly a Chawri Baazar piece!" Purva said in no visible form of excitement.

"Yes, everyone knows that, and the answer to your question that you didn't ask is that only a single lady like us can get an uninterrupted buffet of food along with a side dessert of men in functions like these!" I supped my glass empty.

Purva and I were best friends for as long as we could remember. We grew up next to each other in a judgemental suburban neighborhood of Rewa and followed our dreams until we started living in the capital of India. After moving, all of our memories have been hazy. (You know what I mean!)

I found everything I was looking for when she gave up watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham for my WWE Raw John Cena Vs. The Miz Showdown and she found everything she was looking for when I fought an entire street of bullies for her!

"You're kidding me? Right? We're in a marriage function of a girl who's a year younger than both of us." She said with a smacking tone. "And in moments from now, the happy couple is going to dance at Humko Pyaar Hua on that ridiculously adorned stage!"

"Yes, and at any moment now, the bride will realize that half the crowd here thinks she could've done better!" I grabbed a piece of buttered danish.

"I don't think so! She knows he loves her, and there is nothing better than knowing you have someone always by your side!" She looked at the adorned stage! "I hate these functions! Honestly, they always remind me of the fact that there's no one to feed me ice cream with a cute spoon!"

"Hey! I feel insulted! I can feed you ice cream with a cute spoon." I gave her a dramatically displeased look. "I can also ask the caterer for low-fat cream without you having to remind me!"

"Okay! Point taken! Can you do everything else as well?" She giggled.

"No! I don't want to prove Sassy Samay from X Grade right! We are not lesbians!" The wine came snorting through my nose.

"Jokes apart! I wish I could get someone special!" She looked at the happy couple with googly eyes. "You know Satvik proposed to Natasha in Goa!"

"I think that premise is flawed! Why do you need someone? Isn't self-love something that we should focus on instead of looking for love in a guy who frankly doesn't even know how to wash his own underwear?" I said begrudgingly while ignoring Natasha's fairy-tale Goa story!

"What is self-love? Define self-love to me!" She questioned.

"Well! It's simple! It's a feeling that tells us that we are enough! A feeling that we have while lighting a cigarette and putting on a face mask! A feeling that encourages us to peel a pomegranate for ourselves instead of waiting for someone else to do it!" I described.

"Pomegranates take a lot of work!" She sighed. "Although, In this world, filled with easy bananas, we deserve a pomegranate man!"

"I wouldn't mind an easy banana." I winked!

We left the party and returned to our elegant abode! Well, if you find orange bricks elegant. Our apartment was spacious, with a lot of windows. It looked like crap when we first started living there, but now it had a rusty vibe riled up with fabulous decor, all thanks to Purva.

The black artificial flowers, the posters of our favorite DC comics and movies, the blood-red bookshelf filled with comics and books, and the leathery black couch were the center of attraction of our living room. The couch in our apartment was our second favorite place in all of New Delhi, right after the roof of our building.

As soon as we sat on the couch, tired of our heels and elegant sarees, I remembered something very crucial, something that needs a day's preparation.

"Just to remind you, Mom is coming tomorrow!" I sat on the couch.

"I know! I remember! I will call the cleaner and hide the monthly supply of cigarettes tomorrow morning!" She replied.

Everything needed to be spotless for my Mom's visit! I had a great relationship with her. I was a single child, sucking all of her love for myself! My dad seldom showed any emotion, so she did all she could to make up for that fact.

She was cool almost all the time except in a few cases, which made no sense to me! Mother was cool with me staying out late and drinking, but when it came to my decision of focusing on my career instead of finding a groom to get married to, she was like the Lex Luthor to my Superman!

"What about the bottle we just stole from Natasha's wedding?" Purva started looking around the couch!

"We already drank it in the cab!" I chuckled. "And she doesn't have a problem with drinking!"

"I always forget that!" She giggled. "Why is she coming, by the way?"

"I don't know!" I sighed. "But if it's for another flat head's biodata, I am going to be pissed!"

"Well, at least I'll get a brand new dress from aunty to wear in your engagement!" She giggled.

After a while of planning my imaginary wedding, Purva passed out on the couch! I tucked her in with her favorite orange blanket, removed her shoes, and went back to my room to change, shower, and get some much-needed sleep before the 'big' Sunday visit!


"When is she coming?" Purva was lying motionless on the couch.

"I don't know exactly! She always texts me about an hour before." I entered our spacious and bright kitchen, almost too bright from all the sunlight!

"That is one good Mother! My Mom bombards with no warning at all." She kept her hand on her head.

"Should I text the wonder twins to stay away from our place today?" I asked Purva while pouring myself a steaming cup of black coffee.

"A hundred times yes! I have the worst headache!" She pushed the Superman couch cushion on her face. (Yeah! We had Justice League-themed couch cushions. Isn't that awesome?)

Purva proceeded. "I don't have the energy to deal with them, especially Vikram!"

"Well, I meant for my Mom, but that is an added benefit, I guess!" I sat on the couch next to Purva and offered her a black coffee!

Wonder twins were our very close friends! They lived in an apartment close to the rooftop of our building. We became friends with them due to our mutual interest in smoking weed on the roof. Well, if you're familiar with the DC comics, you must know that The Wonder Twins are twins who can transform into animals and substances! (Google them, maybe?)

Fun fact: If a DC fan knows about wonder twins, there are pretty good chances that they know about everyone and everything in the DC multiverse.

Our wonder twins got the name because Veena was purely animalistic in her stupid pranks paired with the ultimate animalistic stench of not bathing for days! Moreover, Vikram was the king of all substances, including alcoholic drinks, weed, hash, ecstasy, and the other drugs I didn't even know existed! He could even make a Patiala (The Drink) with his eyes closed!

Together, the wonder twins were the kind of ultimate bad influence I'd have to hide from my Mom!

"Besides that, I think Veena is any day more irritating than Vikram!" I sipped from the cup.

"I don't mind the stench and shenanigans! I do mind the stare!" She scowled.

"Easy, Ms. Bruce Banner! You'll tear your head apart! He's not that bad!" I giggled. "Jokes apart! I think he has a crush on you!" (We don't quote Marvel much, but who doesn't love The Hulk?)

"I have better things to do than thinking about marrying an unstable man with no goals in life!" She frowned and sipped her cup half empty.

"Who is telling you to marry him? Have some fun, roam around, get to know each other, and maybe have sex after these two years of drought in your life!" I turned to her in excitement. "Think about his perfect olive skin, his deep blue eyes, and his buzzed brown hair!" I chuckled. "You're telling me you don't want to hit all of that?"

"His eyes aren't deep! His eyes are drunk!" She rolled her 'not so drunk' eyes!

"Two years?" Veena came through Purva's room and sat on the couch! "Girl, If I would've gone through that long without sex, I would've done it with my brother!"

"VEE! That joke is highly inappropriate!" Purva yelled. "And what were you doing in my room? Where did you come from?"

"What? Everyone was okay when the royals joked about it!" Veena sat on the couch with her legs on the coffee table!

I gently put her legs down to the floor! "Well! The royals didn't just joke about it, they did it, and it was gross!" I giggled.

"HELLO! Can anyone answer my question? What were you doing in my room?" Purva asked, her nostrils flaring.

"Calm down, Poo! I came through the door and sneaked into your room while you guys were talking! It was a harmless escapade!" Veena giggled. "And don't worry! I won't tell Vicky that you have a crush on him!"

Purva took the couch cushion and buried it in her face, yet again! "I hate to agree with you, Rits! You did the right thing by picking Vikram."

"All I'm thinking right now is to take back her key to our apartment!" I grinned.

All of us started chuckling a second later! The afternoon went by quickly, watching Kon Banega Crorepati with Veena and Purva and making fun of every question we didn't get right!

After an hour of taking an afternoon or prevening nap at the couch, I got THE message from my Mom!

I'm in your building, Hun. See you in 10 minutes!

"I guess my Mom learned a thing or two from your Mom after all!" I shifted Purva and then stood up to switch on the lights. "Guys! I need you to wake...wait, WHAT?" The scenery was exquisite! If only I had more time, I could've had some fun with it!

"What? Your Mom is here already!" Purva gasped.

"Oh, come on! I barely had any sleep, Ritika!" Vikram pushed Purva's head aside and yawned.

"Oh my God! What are you doing?" Purva yelled and stood up!

"What? My legs were hurting, babe!" Vikram gave Purva an endearing smile.

"I meant, what are you doing here?" Purva shrieked. "And don't babe me!"

"What the hell is he doing here?" Veena started rubbing her eyes.

"I already asked him that!" Purva squealed.

"Guys! I wish I had more time to enjoy this, but my Mom is in the building!" I started cleaning up the extravagant mess! "I need you guys to get out!"

"Oh, that's why you were offended at my incest joke?" Veena snickered.

"WHAT JOKE?" Vikram turned repugnant! "I suddenly feel hungry!"

"I'm too old for this!" Purva pressed her face in the cushion yet again. It almost looked like the 'S' of Superman was getting imprinted on her.

"Guys! I don't have time!" I yelled amidst the chaos, and just after that... *Tring Tring*

"So, no cleaner, cigarette boxes everywhere and the wonder twins creating chaos in the living room!' I sighed, 'I'm screwed!"


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