20 I want you to hate me but you won’t…

Mia drove as quickly as she could still wiping the tears from her face, she couldn't understand what had gotten into her and why she couldn't stop crying. It would only cause Aiden more trouble to see her in this state. Mia was less than two blocks from the club when she slowed her car down biding a little more time in order to console herself. Mia pulled down the car mirror, seeing her reddened eyes and pearl like tears only aggravated her. Mia felt weak and indecisive about her life more than ever before. It seemed like the moment she accepted Aiden and began falling in love with him again all of this mayhem came about.

Sadly, she was on the verge of letting him go for both of their sake, everything that had happened so far was much too chaotic when she was in the prime of her life. Perhaps, he deserved someone better. Someone his parents would accept…someone that wasn't her.

Mia shook her head and pulled away heading for the club, she was there under a minute but put the car on brake and jumped out of the car in the middle of the street. Aiden was beating the hell out of five guys, none of them she recognized. Chu was also beating a guy up. Mia ran over when a guy got on top of Aiden and began hitting him hard.

Mia grabbed his hair from the back and punched him as hard as she could. Aiden stood up in a daze trying to focus his eyes. Mia's raven hair met his sights and immediately he went into protection mode pulling him behind her. Mia was stunned as Aiden kicked a guy in the face just inches away from her. Chu knocked a guy out cold and ran over to protect him friends.

"You're the famous Mia I see." Everyone came to a stand still panting heavily from fighting. Mia peaked from behind Aiden. In a bout of bravery, she pushed passed him and stood face to face with the man.

"What the hell do you want from me! All of this for money are you that shallow you piece of sh*t" Mia quickly swung her fist up and punched him heavily causing him to stumble a few spaces back.

"Mia do—" Aiden tried to stop her, but it was too late, Lang Hai bawled his fist and hit her back. Mia didn't even feel herself hit the ground. Thankfully, the police sirens pulled up and Lang Hi and his men scattered. Aiden was holding Mia's face and Chu looked down to see Mia's head bleeding heavily.

"Hey, look at me stay awake! Mia!" every time Mia tried to close her eyes Aiden would shake her until she woke up. Both of her eyes had gone bloodshot which was very worrying.

"Can someone call an ambulance for f*ck sake!" Chu was yelling at the officers to get help. Mia sat in Aiden's arms for a while until the sirens pulled up. Aiden picked Mia up and got into the ambulance with her holding hands the whole way.

"Miss does it hurt anywhere?" one of the young male crew members asked her, she shook her head lightly, staring off into the distance. Her heart was completely shattered not just broken, before she arrived, she promised herself one more thing…Aiden had to suffer one more thing and she would let him go. This was it…

"Could you ask the staff to check my boyfriend over too please?" Aiden was sitting right next to her but noticed she wouldn't even look in his direction.

"I'm fine it's just a few bruises, you hit your head really hard what were you thinking?" Mia let a faint chuckle escape her lips.

"What were you thinking getting this drunk and starting a fight! It was because of me right, because I caused you trouble!" Mia glared at him as if looks could kill, Aiden face was stunned. Mia had yelled at him before but never like this.

"What are you talking about of course it wasn't because of you?" Mia rolled her face away from him, Aiden could see her breath stuttering as she was trying not to cry but held her body away from him so he wouldn't touch her.

"Mia—"

"Don't talk to me right now." Mia didn't say anything else to him on the ride there and Aiden watched as the doctors took her to get an MRI scan to ensure there was no severe damage. Mia sat as the noisy machine crashed either side of her head until she couldn't hear anything anymore. The doctors offered to get her a room, but she blatantly refused and begged them to discharge her.

Aiden was waiting in the waiting room when a very bandaged Mia stormed passed the doctors to the exit. Aiden was in utter shock, she was a doctor what the hell was she thinking?

"Mia!" Aiden ran after her as she walked straight past his car and on the main street. The night was cold and held a skin crawling chill. Dusk was on the horizon peaking over the mountains on the far side.

"You're hurt you need to stay there." He ran up and gripped her arm but Mia spun around and pushed him away with everything she had.

"I had it wrong this whole time! You should hate me, you should hate every bone in my body Aiden." Aiden looked at her confused, just how hard had she hit her head.

"Mia, I understand your angry with me—"

"No! You don't because I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at myself for letting it go this far. Every time I pressure myself to let you go for both of our sake you manage to reel me back in. Not this time. I'm done Aiden, I've had enough of us both hurting."

"If this is about Lang Hai, I didn't just start a fight about you he was involved with my father for years. Look I'm sorry, I was drunk, and I let my emotions get the better of me and I hurt you. I'm so sorry." Mia felt her body start shaking uncontrollably, this was so much harder than she was expecting.

"I understand but your parents hate you because of me. I cause you nothing but worry all of the time and it's killing me that it doesn't bother you. In fact, I know it bothers you. You're just good at hiding it but I'm not okay?" Aiden tried to walk closer to her, but she stepped back clutching her chest as if in agony.

"That's not true. I worry because I love you not because you're a burden to me. Mia, I know your hurting and although you won't tell me why I want to help you. Breaking away from me won't fix anything it will just make me worry more. I respect you for trying to protect me, but I can't let you go. I just can't…" Mia covered her mouth trying not to let the pain formulate through sound as her throat ached from fighting.

"Is it really okay? Is it okay for me to be with you, is it okay that you must watch your back because of me? That's not fair, I refuse to be selfish with you." Aiden sighed at her hopelessly and quickly walked over pulling her in close.

"It's because you're with me that I have the strength to be selfish. I don't want you to leave Mia, even if they target you or me, I won't let them win. We have something very rare, something I will never let go if I live. Do you understand me?" Mia stopped talking as her mouth clamped shut, this wasn't fair for her to ask this of him. This was her sin and she needed atonement for it.

"I'm ready to tell you the truth if you're ready to hear it." Aiden shuffled uncomfortably on the spot, this was unexpected, but he knew if she didn't tell him it would eat her up and this would be a vicious cycle none of them could escape from.

"Please don't hate me…but I'm guilty. I hate myself…I hate who I am. I've hurt so many people I don't understand why you love me. That's why I don't feel good enough. This isn't status or cliché all of this rides on me, I want you to hate me but you won't…" Mia fell to her knees as the words came burning from her heart. It was like acid reflux and she had no control.

"My father died because I fell in love with you. My mother went insane because I fell in love with you. Your parents deprived you of your youth because I fell in love with you. Don't you get it, I've been selfish my whole life. I'm sorry Aiden. I'm so sorry." Aiden fell to his knees also, it always made him wonder where her father was in all of this but that wasn't what hurt him. It was Mia taking full responsibility for this burden, that was too much for one person to carry. It takes two people to fall in love…

Mia closed her eyes waiting for Aiden to say something, but he was silent. The patter of rain around them distance their surroundings, Mia's tears fell along with the raindrops and she wanted to scream. Scream until both of her lungs collapsed. Scream until she had no breath. Admitting the truth was supposed to set her free or was it not admitting the truth but accepting it.

"I'm not here to tell you it's not your fault because you won't believe me anyway. Please let me carry this with you Mia. If shoulders were meant to hold the world then we wouldn't be given them. I'm sorry your hurting but I'm also sorry for something else…" Mia raised her head to see soft tears streaming down Aiden's face.

"I'm sorry I fell in love with you. But even if you beg me to go away, I can't because you keep me afloat. You give me something no-one else ever has and that's love. I'm sure if your father was here, he would tell us to never let them win." Mia gasped as he moved closer to her before wrapping his arms around her head.

"I-I d-don't understand…W-Why do you love me? Why won't you let me go?" Aiden squeezed her tighter.

"Because your you. Whenever I lose my way, you always find me. I think its time I do that for you. You don't have to love me, you just have to let me save you." Mia buried her head into his chest before clenching her hands around his shirt. Aiden felt her cry out but didn't budge as she cried so hard her whole body trembled.

They stayed there for a while letting the heavy rain flush over them. Mia slowly calmed down and realized if they stayed in the icy rain much longer then they would both catch cold. Mia gripped Aiden's shirt and pulled him up. Aiden watched her eyes suddenly have a glimmer of light as the street lights reflected from them. Mia took a deep breath and pushed herself on her tiptoes before planting her lips softly on his.

"I lied. I really do need you after all. Aiden, I want to be with you and I'm tired of fighting so from now on we can call ourselves a couple. You're not my friends or my family. Your both, got it." Aiden was stunned on the spot watching a tearful smile stretch across her face. Aiden held her face with one hand in adoration. He never knew how much he could love this girl.

"I got it." He smiled back and took her hand before they both walked to the car. Mia let her heart settle and realized just how content she was beside him, knowing he was there. Feeling the warmth of his hand. Knowing the easy option would to let her go but he endured for her. Aiden wouldn't forget the conversation they shared until the day he died because it was the biggest step he'd ever seen in their relationship. For Mia to open up her heart like that was still unbelievable to him. Mia was the type of girl who would do anything for anyone no matter how heavy the burden which she is why never complained or vented when she was hurt believing because she carried that burden, she had no right to complain but this whole time it was the opposite.

"From now on, I want you to be selfish. If somethings on your mind you can tell me, I will always listen to you. In return I'll do the same. No more hiding." Ally nodded as they drove from home, it was comforting to know that.

"By the way. I guess those Judo classes payed off back in the day. You still have a mean right hook." He joked, his mood was a lot brighter, but Mia's was brighter than it had been in a while. This time when she looked back on the day, she met Aiden Mia didn't feel guilt or regret. She felt happy…that wasn't a day to ignore it was a day to remember.

"I guess they did in more way than one." Mia smiled and leaned her head against the window looking up at the stars looming over them. What would have happened if she had never attended Judo, Aiden and she would never have crossed paths. In a way, her parents peer pressure to join a club benefitted her not only in her youth but adulthood too. Maybe she was just ruminating on the negatives rather than prioritizing the positives. Aiden was back, her mother was recovering quickly. Mika was discharged and she managed to help him while also building a friendship.

"I have an idea. Why don't we treat Yu and Chu to dinner? We did cause them to worry after all." Aiden smirked at the idea, they did get on well but that was because Aiden knew a secret.

"Sounds good. Tomorrow night, oh and tell Yu to wear something provocative like she always does." Mia also smirked, she also knew all too well.

"I'm interested to see if he can keep it together too." Aiden looked at her in surprised. Reading people was one of Mia's specialities, a nightmare for people like Chu who tried to conceal them.

"Chu's crushed on her for five whole years, let's support him tomorrow." Aiden nodded in agreement and gave Mia a scheming grin, when they worked together, Mia and Aiden were a force you couldn't recon with.