1 School is supposed to be easy

My mother always tells me that school is supposed to be easy. Everything seems easy to her. She is beautiful and talented. She spends her day taking care of our home. Nothing is ever out of place. The carpet is kept steamed and white. There is never any dust. All the food is cooked perfectly. Her only wish is an immaculately kept home for Dad. I wish I could say it is because my Dad is loving man. He is anything but loving. He scares me. I cannot tell how my Mom feels. She hides herself behind a wind up doll smile. I get told I am the spitting image of my Mother, but I hope it isn't true. My Mom is beautiful, but her pale skin is covered in patches of colorful bruises. The large house is kept clean, but you cannot breathe in it. My room is just four white walls and a bed. We are not allowed to have phones, we cannot have friends over, and we cannot exist outside the house. I know this is not normal, but I can't leave my parents. My Dad wouldn't let me leave. He would rather kill me then let me ruin his reputation. He is not a very important man at his company, but he wants to be. On Christmas cards we look lile a happy family, and that is what mattered most to him.

I once ran away to my friends house after school. I told her my parents said I can sleep over. Having dinner with her family was the closest I ever came to normal. I couldn't help but smile. The way the made jokes with each other. The easy atmostphere filled me with envy.

That night after watching movies. Sarah snuggled up against me on her bed. I couldn't remember the last time I was held and it felt nice. I felt my self starting to doze off. Her hand began to slide down my body and up my shirt. I was froze as her hand slid into my pants. I didn't know what to do. I could feel her finger slide into me and I panicked. I jumped up and got dressed. She was yelling at me to calm down. That she was just playing. I remember the cold air on my face as I left her house. Which was a few blocks from mine.

When I reached the door of my house I was so cold. I thought it would be locked, but the knob turned. It was only open a few inches, but I could hear the chunky whacking sounds coming from the back of the house. Deep wet thudding sounds and crying. I breathed. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until then. I start walking into the dark house. There in the hall my Dad was standing. His breathing was labored. The swollen knuckles on Dad's hands were visible in the light from the window. I walked closer to the hall towards the muffled crying. Turning around the corner at the end of the hall. I could not think. Shock making my body empty preparing for what it was going to see. My mom was in a corner of our living room shaking hiding her face. The world swirled around me the feelings of two large hands burrowing into my shoulders as I was dragged and thrown into my room. I was kept in my room for a long time. Without meals for awhile. I don't know if it was my father who kept the food from me, or my mother. I avoided Sarah after that, and she spread rumors about me. She told people I tried to touch her while she was sleeping. Everyone avoided the rest of my middle school year.

My mom says school is easy. She really means at least I have a place to be that is not here. She will never leave though. I think my Mom is use to her life, and can't imagine anything else. One day it will be different. I will be different.

I find school work easy enough, but it is socialization that seems to be absurdly difficult. I cannot focus in class. The teacher talks, but he mostly grumbles at the class to pay attention. It is hard to understand the lesson between the screaming, and his heavy breathing. I get distracted trying to be like other people my age. I cannot get comfortable in any room. I don't know where to put my hands. How to ask a question in class. I start to sweat if someone even comes near me. I daydream easily. I imagine different scenarios. Of me with friends. I want to sneak texts too. I want a boyfriend with nice hair that makes me late to every class. I want a best friend that sits with me, and pairs up with me when we have classes together. I know there is more to life than friends. I just know that my life can end at anytime. My father's explosive anger always keeping me in check.

My awkward attempts at talking to others, my lack of grace, worse, my talent for word vomit; have not gone unnoticed by the other kids. The rumors had evaporated, but the damage was done. I always try a little too hard and notice a little too late. I am just not able to keep up. Three steps behind all the other people in my class. They all have friends and groups.

Class is over before I get to finish berating myself. I feel a sheen of sweat break out over my skin. I can sense confrontation. The way the temperature on one side of my body begins to rise. Then I hear Mr. Staplen's irritated voice break over my personal space bubble.

"You need to pay attention in class", he was adjusting his belt as he spoke which unnerved me. He always touched something around his nether regions when speaking to me. "I will not pass you in my class, regardless of your work if you do not pay attention to me when I am in front of the class."

Of course he wants my attention. All the girls and boys in class know exactly what kind of attention greasy Mr. Staplen wants. Many complaints about the man's eyes lingering on the bodies of female students have gone ignored by the higher staff. His way of putting his hands on females when passing by them in the hallways. How he lingers behind you for too long. It is a highschool. Many boys will leer or jest. Rarely would any act on it. If they do the staff respond quickly. Something about being a teacher, and his wife working at the school has given Mr. Staplen unearned immunity.

He could tell I was thinking poorly of him, and he was growing frustrated quickly. I could smell his garlic filled lunch as he came closer to my face.

"You think I cannot tell what you are thinking?" he said in a low growl. "Report to my room during club period." His hand gripped my sides, and he closed the space between us. I could feel his bulge firm and pressed against me. Again I froze. Somehow he gathered the wrong impression from my staring.

"Mr. Staplen I have..." he cut me off.

"My class during club period or you will never pass my class Ria."

My body chilled. My mind remembered my moms words from this morning.

"Wisteria, school is supposed to be easy."

It is the one thing my father cannot control. It should be easy.

"Fail your classes and you will be homeschooled the rest of the year." My Dad's angry voice filling my head.

I should be happy to have this little bit of freedom. If I fail Mr. Staplen's class. I could end up homeschooled. Then there would be no escape. My fear made the choice for me. "Okay."

My ear still felt violated from where his lips touched, as I escaped from him, down the echoing hall. Great. Only one period till I had to meet him. If only I could get out of it. Little did I know; another pair of eyes were on us, and I would be getting my silent prayer answered sooner than I could have imagined.