2 Tasha's Journal
It was on my 5th birthday when my mother found out about my father having an affair with someone else.
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"How could you do this to me?"
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I can clearly remember the first question my mother asked. I can feel her pain, and even feel how her heart shattered into million pieces the moment my father's words escaped in his mouth.
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"I want divorce."
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I don't really understand what does that mean back then, but one thing I'm sure, it made my mother's whole world turned upside down.
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"Please, don't..."
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Desperate was evident in her face. She was desperate enough that she even kneel down in front of my father and begged him to stay.
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"Don't leave us..."
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But my father made up his mind.
And I know, mother can't do anything about it.
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My urge told me stopped my father as he made his way towards the door.
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"Papa..."
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The only word I uttered. I don't know what to say back then since I don't understand everything. I am confused !
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"Sweetheart, Papa needs to go."
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"Where are you going?'
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He never said even a single word, instead, he simply patted my head. Turned his back and the moment he opened the door, I knew, I won't see him again.
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One year later...
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"Mama !"
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My mother smiled, "Yes, sweetheart?"
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"Tomorrow's my birthday !" I happily told her.
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"Oh ! My baby girl will be turning 6 ! Come here, Mama wants to cuddle and spend more time with you." I hurriedly jump on her bed and hug my mama. She then begin to comb my hair with the use of her left fingers, "I also want to sleep with you so that the first person mama will see when she opens her eyes tomorrow is you."
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After she said those words, I found myself laughing out loud because she's tickling me. "M-mama... s-stop !" But, she never stop until I'm tired and sleepy.
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"You wanna go to sleep?"
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"Yes, mama. *yawns* I'm tired."
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" *chuckles* okay then. Goodnight, sweetheart."
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"Goodnight, mama. I love you."
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"I love you more, always bear that in your mind."
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"Yes, mama."
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"And always remember, I'm just here by your side no matter what happen."
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A smile form in my lips. I'm really lucky to have her.
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Today's my 6th birthday, and here I am, still hugging with my mama, but this time, it's different.
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It was my 6th birthday when I found out that I am hugging my mother's cold lifeless body.
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"Mama, wake up ! It's my birthday !"
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I keep jumping on her bed, I can still remember how excited I was back then to celebrate my birthday. I even thought, my mama was just playing pranks on me since it's my day.
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"Mama, c'mon. Stop acting like you're asleep."
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I tried so hard to wake her up, but I failed.
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"Mama..."
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I keep on shaking her body .
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"Mama... wake up.."
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I can still remember how frustrated I was when my mother didn't woke up. I even punched her belly back then while begging for her to open her eyes.
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"Mama.. pleaseeeee..."
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For the nth time of attempting, my tears fell, so as my heart aches. I hugged her tight, t'was cold and I know, I felt it deep inside my heart that I can't no longer hug her again.
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I spent my birthday crying, blaming God for everything.
I started to hate birthdays.
