I'm Getting Laid No Matter What!

All he could do was move his eyes and from the corner of his view he saw Dracula clad in his black spiked power armor which had red depictions of dragons and a white skull paint job with shark-like teeth on his fully enclosed helmet with bloodred glowing round visors.

A bloodred half cape dining his right side with a black Einherjars emblem and a bloodred half skirt covering his waist left side with a black iron wolf emblem cleave a pirate in half with his pitch-black scythe made out of human bones and skulls.

Don't even think about it four arms.

The pirate leader heard Dracula speak in his mind which horrified him even further but no matter how he struggled he couldn't do a thing.

He watched the marines gun down his men with deadly precision making sure that no plasma bolt landed on the passengers of the ship.

Finally, it was his turn, he watched Dracula bring his clenched left hand closer, and as he did his body floated over.

Send my greetings to death and tell her I'm having the time of my life, she was right to reincarnate me into this galaxy.

The pirate Leader heard Dracula's words inside his mind just before he got decapitated.

MC POV.

F*ck this is so f*cking fun.

I couldn't help but whistle in my mind as I looked at my bloody scythe which was happily absorbing blood, It was a gift from death then I became a grim reaper, this thing had accompanied me for one hundred thousand years, and I lost count of how many souls I had harvested with it.

Anyways...

I focused my gaze on the terrified passengers who recorded the whole action scene with their glass see-through holographic phones or other means of recording.

Only for my eyes to land on the vamp babe looking at me with a dumbfounded gaze.

Holy f*ck that's a vamp chick!

I couldn't help but exclaim as my mind went into overdrive.

But the next second I shook my head, forcefully suppressing my inner edge lord, there was time for fantasies and there was time for business.

I spread my mind to encompass the whole ship and asked a question.

Who's the captain?

Yet I received no response.

Tch! Don't tell me his already dead?

XO?

Still no response.

I quickly contacted the bridge and ordered to do a sweep for the cruise ship's escape pods, and a second later I got a positive answer.

Son of a b*tch he actually abandoned the ship with his second in command, wait maybe it's normal in this galaxy.

I pondered the situation, wondering if such actions were commonplace in this unfamiliar territory while my marines started cleaning up the place by looting the corpses, they didn't even leave the underwear.

Seeing this I couldn't help but give a thumbs up.

"That's right boys, now that Is a true fallout looters spirit"

I said remembering my teenage years of plundering everything I could and then walking for hours to the nearest NPC to sell the junk I collected.

Those were certainly my golden years.

...

"Ah, it's good to be alive..."

I couldn't help but express my satisfaction aloud as I savored a cocktail while lounging on the artificial beach bed, soaking in the warmth of the cruise ship's artificial sun.

After my marines successfully recovered the ship's captain and executive officer from their escape pod, we swiftly negotiated compensation.

It was less of a negotiation and more of me listing my demands while the Elven captain and his XO nodded in agreement like eager chickens pecking at grains.

Considering the two marines with visible pirate blood on their power armor, it was hardly surprising that the captain readily accepted my terms.

As for my presence on the cruise ship, I had offered my protection services, and we were currently en route to Elven space.

Meanwhile, my team of engineers and technicians was busy repairing and patching up the cruise ship, and they certainly weren't doing it for free.

As for me, I had been overdue for a vacation for about one hundred thousand years.

A sudden shadow enveloped my shirtless body.

I could hear my fully geared-up marines shifting into a defensive posture, aiming their oversized plasma rifles that would likely be a challenge for most species in this galaxy to even lift.

Lowering my sunglasses, I discovered the vampiress standing before me.

She held a bottle of champagne—or whatever the equivalent was in this galaxy—in one hand, with two glasses in the other.

Her black bikini that only covered her breasts and private parts showcased her curves in all the right places, accentuating her captivating form perfectly.

A black raven tattoo covered her right shoulder while a black rose tattoo encompassed her entire left ass cheek and left outer thigh.

"You're a strange one, most of the passengers don't even dare to come close to me,"

I remarked in the galaxy's standard language, a skill I had quickly acquired through my AI chip, which allowed me to download information directly from the Einherjars databanks after the ship's AI hacked the cruise ship into my brain.

"Well, I'm not like most people,"

The vampiress replied, nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders as she settled onto the bed beside me.

She seemed entirely unfazed by the plasma rifle barrels still aimed in her direction.

Alright, that's enough, boys, go grab a few drinks.

I ordered the marines telepathically.

They promptly lowered their rifles and headed toward the bar, where the bartender—a humanoid female with pink skin and pink tentacles for hair—nearly had a heart attack upon seeing the arrival of my towering combat-ready soldiers.

"So what do you want to know?"

I inquired, my telepathic abilities allowing me to get a glimpse of her thoughts.

"What kind of species are you? You resemble my race but you're clearly different.

I've been alive for a while, yet Im below you and youre soldiers' physical abilities.

In my race, physical abilities typically increases with age and I have been alive for quite a while"

She pondered aloud, her curiosity piqued.

Hearing this I had the temptation to give her mind a thorough reading with the intent to figure out her exact age but refrained because If I did she would feel it and that would seriously diminish my chances of getting laid, and I was going to get f*cking laid.

I haven't had s*x for one hundred thousand years, so If I passed up a gods sent opportunity in front of me then I can just kill myself right here and now.

"I and my soldiers are from the Milky Way galaxy, we are the last members of our race..."

I said in my usual emotionless voice as I cooked up an entire backstory in my mind.

Hearing this the vampress eyes widened in disbelief as she couldn't help but comprehend what kind of xeno horrors could force warriors such as us to flee our galaxy.

"The threats in our galaxy were unlike anything you could imagine"

I continued, emphasizing the gravity of the fabricated backstory.

"We had no choice but to seek refuge in this new galaxy, and truthfully we are no longer entirely biological species but a blend of bioengineering, mechanical parts, and cybernetic augmentations, we can no longer reproduce, and our race will die with us."

The vampiress listened intently, her curiosity piqued by the tale I was spinning.

She leaned in closer, intrigued by the mysterious refugees from another galaxy.

"That sounds like a harrowing journey"

She said, her tone sympathetic.

"To lose your home and your ability to reproduce... It must be a heavy burden to bear. But tell me, why offer your protection services to a cruise ship like this?"

I could see the wheels turning in her mind as she considered the implications of our presence.

"Well, it's a way for us to survive and adapt to this new environment. Plus, we're quite skilled at dealing with hostile situations, or in other words we were bread and born for war"

The vampiress nodded, her eyes filled with a mix of empathy and curiosity.

"Survival and adaptation, I understand that. It's a harsh galaxy out here, and having skilled protectors like yourselves can make all the difference."

She took a sip of her drink and leaned back, looking at me with a faint smile.

"You seem different from the others. Cold and emotionless, yet you have a unique charm. What's your name?"

"Call me Dracula Von Death. It's the name I go by these days."

I gave her my original name and the last name Death bestowed upon me when I became a grim reaper.

Her eyes sparkled with intrigue as she leaned closer, her voice lowered.

"Dracula Von Death are you also a noble among your race?"

Hearing this I couldn't help but burst out with laughter.

"Well if you consider it as a noble title for being the harbinger of death then yes"

Hearing my answer the vampress smiled in a sultry smile as she started tracing her black sharp nails over my surgical scars.