20 Chapter XX (Lukas POV)

I was driving to my grandparents'  house in New Jersey, listening to music and trying to mentally prepare myself for a family Christmas. Now that mum's here, everything will be a lot more ˝interesting˝. I gripped the wheel harder. That means we will have to go to a mass. I'm already bored just thinking about it. I parked in the driveway. Mums' parents flew here from Texas, while dad picked up nana (his mother) from the nursing home. The house was our home prior to the divorce, which they never sold for some reason. Nostalgia I guess. I was apparently the last person to arrive. 

Victoria usually drove with dad. Walking in, my nose was immediately assaulted with delicious aromas coming from the kitchen. Grandma has always made a killer Christmas meal and judging by the smell, this year will be no different. She pecked my cheek when I came to say hi. Mum looked me over. Her face showed she wasn't pleased.

"You could have dressed up a little," she commented.

I abstained from rolling my eyes: "Why? I have no one to impress here."

I was wearing a grey hoodie, with a black t-shirt underneath, fitted sweatpants and glasses. To work I wear contacts, but there is no way I am popping those in while on vacation. 

"You know we are going to church."

I rolled my eyes: " Yes, because we all know that the thing god really cares about is fashion. Are we sure he isn't gay?"

She crossed her arms and glared at me: "You can not go looking like that."

I shrugged: "Then I guess there is only one solution. Me not going."

She crossed her arms: "It's a family tradition."

"Hasn't been for a long time."

She breathed out slowly: "Then at least do it for your grandparents. They really want to spend more time with you and Vicky."

What a manipulative sentence. We were quiet, just staring at each other.

"Fine," I gave in "But I'm not changing."

She smirked and I left the room.

There was still no sign of my dad or my sister. The Christmas tree was glimmering and shining in all it's red and gold glory. This was obviously mums' work. I always liked trees to be more modestly decorated. I smiled at the memory of fighting with Victoria, which colour scheme we will use. I liked purple and silver the best. My apartment right now is tastefully decorated in those two colours. I sat on the sofa with nana opposite me, on the recliner chair.

"Luke, I was wondering when you'll show up. You are late."

"I didn't miss dinner, did I? That's the important part."

She smiled: "Well, you are not wrong. I haven't seen you for so long. How are you?"

"It's been less than a month. But I'm ok."

She stood up and sat beside me: "Are you really?"

"Nana, the episode was a long time ago and, as I told you already, I'm FINE, just annoyed that I have to go to church."

She chuckled: "I would love to save you from that, but I don't think your mother would be happy with that."

"She isn't happy with most of the things I do, so who really cares."

"That's not true."

Bullshit. 

We talked for a few more minutes and my spirits lifted. She had a talent for getting me in a good mood. The doors opened revealing my father. He locked eyes with me.  

"Lukas I want to talk to you."

"Now?"

"Yes, now," his tone was sharp and angry.

Nana tapped my leg and gestured toward dad, who already left the room. He made sure we were alone in one of the rooms before we started talking.

"What's up?" I asked.

He looked completely pissed off: "Why did Joshua call me, saying you blackmailed him?"

I raised my eyebrows. I did not think he would tell my father. Technically, I guess, it wasn't in our agreement that he can't tell him. Well played.

"Probably because I did."

"What were you thinking?! He is my business partner! Do you have any idea how much trouble the company would have been in if any of that came out."

I shifted from one leg to another: "It wouldn't have come out."

"You don't know that!"

"No, you, don't know that. I'm good at keeping things from getting out, something I probably didn't inherit from you."

He squeezed his fists tightly.

"It was still an idiotic..."

"Do you even want to know why I did it? Or are you content with freaking out and accusing me of ˝bullying˝ poor Josh Kent, because I doubt he told you anything else than that."

"I would actually very much like to know why you did something so stupid. And there is a big difference between bullying and blackmailing."

I ignored the last sentence: "He fired Spencer."

He was taken aback by my statement: "What do you mean? Why would he do that?"

"Why? Because he is a conservative, money hungry bigot."

"LUKAS!"

"What, it's true. He had no problem with Spencer until he found out about his bisexuality. Then it was crisis time. He can't get inside his head that I and Sarah will never EVER happen."

"You must have misunderstood his reasons."

I laughed: "We both know I didn't."

His eyes narrowed.

"Except that you look away and I don't."

He sighed: "Don't ever do something like that again."

"If I won't be given a reason to, I won't."

"Don't mess with things you don't understand, because it will blow up in your face."

I rolled my eyes: "In my face? That's funny because I'm pretty sure it was you that couldn't keep it in his pants, not me. Also, I'm pretty sure cheating is not that hard to understand."

His eyes were shooting daggers.

"You are crossing the line, Lukas."

"Dad, I don't care. Kent had no right to fire Spencer without a real reason, that's a fact and blackmailing him was, admittingly, not the most conventional thing to do, but it was my only choice. Especially since you would have agreed with him if the issue was brought before you. And I'm really not sorry." 

He shook his head: "I don't understand why go to so much trouble for someone you don't even like. He is a good addition to the company, but..."

"Then why, if he is such a good employee, are you siding with Kent?!"

His eyes left mine and uncomfortable expression was evident on his face. I understood immediately.

"You've got to be kidding me right now!"

"Well, are you?"

"NO!" I exploded "We are not together! Never have been, never will be!"

I turned and slammed the doors shut behind me.

                                                                                                   X

I was still in a bad mood because of our conversation. God can he be infuriating. When food was sat on the table, everyone took their seats. Everything looked so good, that I almost forgot about dads' bullshit.

"Let's say grace," said mum.

I grimaced but took Vickys' and nanas' hand. Mum was doing the whole god, food and thank yous routine. I wasn't really listening, but when we were younger we had to do this so many times, the amen at the end came as a reflex.

We dug in the food and for a moment all you could hear was the rattling of forks and knives. But the peaceful silence had to be interrupted by my grandfather.

"Your hair is getting really long Lukas."

I gave him a bored look: "Yeah. What about it?"

Mum nudged my leg under the table, which I ignored.

"Don't you think you should cut them?"

I laid my cutlery down and looked him dead in the eyes: "No, I don't. I like it."

Mum was trying to shut me up with her stare.

"So you like looking like a girl?" he asked in his heavy Texan accent.

"Dad," mum tried to ease the situation.

"What? He does. Why don't you tell your boy to cut his hair?" this time the question was directed at my father.

He looked up from his plate: "I don't really care that his hair is long."

I almost smiled.

He scoffed. Grandma put a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"No wonder he is such a pansy. Why don't you just put makeup on him while you're at it?"

I rolled my eyes. It wasn't the first time he had comments like that.

"I usually wear it, but today I thought ˝hey, it's vacation, no need to dress up˝." I decided to put more fuel on the fire.

I could see Victoria holding back laughter. His eyes widened, not expecting a response like that.

"Wha...You hear what he's sayin'?!" he shouted at my mum.

"Please, Luke, behave," she said quietly.

That made me angry: "No! Why do I need to shut up, when he is the one spouting bullshit!"

"That is no way to talk o your grandfather!" this time it was my grandma that decided to stick with him.

Victoria gently pulled my shirt, shaking her head. I was baffled by the idiocy of my family but decided none the less to drop it. I was still fired up however and ready to strike at any given opportunity, which I, unfortunately, got not even ten minutes later.

Victoria was talking about this new boyfriend of hers. He is a total bore, but since he kept her from bothering me about Spencer, I was completely supportive of their relationship.

"When will we meet your boyfriend Lukas?" grandpa asked out of the blew. The table fell silent, waiting for my response. Most of them visibly nervous. I nearly choked on my potatoes: "Excuse me?"

"Well, since you are apparently so comfortable with looking like a woman, you might as well find yourself a man."

He is so pathetic. You old, stuck in the past, redneck, conservative, hillbilly...

"Dad, can you stop," tried mum.

"God Savanah, it was a joke."

Sure it was. I narrowed my eyes. Something else was coming.

"It's not as if it's that far from the truth. He already cries more than any woman I know."

That was it! I stood up, furious and gritted my teeth. I didn't manage to create a coherent sentence since all the words I could think off were not those to say out loud in front of your family.

"DAD!" yelled mum.

"Grandpa, this really isn't the same..." started Victoria, but was quickly interrupted.

"How it isn't? He can't control himself like a man."

"Gerald, this was extremely unwarranted," I heard nana say.

I was so consumed by my red, hot rage I didn't know for sure what dad and Victoria were saying now.

"Can't control myself uh?! If I couldn't do that, I would have shut you up six years ago!"

I have been his target for longer than that, but six years sounded ok of the top of my head. He always had a problem with me. Now I know why.

"How dare you talk to me like that?!" he stood up too.

We tried to stare each other down. I don't know who was winning. We probably looked ridiculous.

"Relax, please," said mum. I thought she was talking to him, but when I glanced at her, she was looking at me.

"Are you kidding me?!"

"Just apologize, so we can go back to dinner."

My mouth was hanging loose as I blinked at her. My brain couldn't quite comprehend right away, that she was telling me to apologize to him. I looked around the table. Grandma was subtly nodding, as to say she agreed with mum, Victoria and dad were staring at their plates, avoiding my eyes. Nana was looking at me. Her brows were furrowed together. She took a deep breath and mouthed quietly: "It's not worth it."

I could see that she was angry as well. If I was thinking rationally I would have realized that she was doing this, because grandad wouldn't listen to her if she tried to object and then a full-blown ˝fight˝ would break out. She was just trying to avoid that. But at that moment I wasn't feeling rational. Just pissed. When I realized that no one is going to stick up for me or at last stand with me, I shoved the chair away.

"Fuck you all," I said with as much poison as I could manage and tried to hide how hurt I actually was. I can't believe them. I heard nana calling after me, but I ignored it. I grabbed my coat and scarf. I decided to go to the only place that can calm me down right now.

                                                                                           X

I only knew of one indoor ice skating rink opened on the Christmas evening. It was in New York, but the drive was worth it. The moment I stood in my skates on the ice I felt lighter. No one was here, logically. I knew the owners and receptionists, so they let me come in whenever. I still had a spare key from the time I trained here and worked as a part-time receptionist. I took off my hoodie and tied my hair into a ponytail. When I started skating, everything else went away. I know it sounds cliche, but there is a reason for it. It's true. I used to be a figure skater and a pretty good one at that.

 When I was 19 an incident happened, that left me completely shattered. I wasn't physically or mentally prepared to continue and when I started to train again at 20 I just didn't show the spark I used to. But I never lost the love for the sport. 

Every time I go skating, I ask myself if it was a mistake to quit. But I can't do anything about it now. I could never have caught up that one year I lost. Sometimes I even go on youtube and teach myself some new elements. I twirled, jumped, danced to the music in my head and at the end laid on the ice drenched in sweat, completely relaxed, wondering if I should stand up so I don't get a cold.

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Yes, this was influenced by Yuri on Ice.