20 Morose

I had to go home with a heavy heart.

I hate that things go unanswered like this. But Uld is unstable at the moment. Forcing an answer out of her will only lead to incomprehensible rambles. I do have some thoughts on my own. It was a sudden high fever, his pulse is irregular and his pupils are dilated. Since I was a doctor before, I could roughly guess but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Plus my medical skills are rusty and I couldn't hasten my thinking at that time.

Add to that, the crown prince has initiated his move. There's a need to devise a plan from there too.

"Emmy, go ahead and draw a bath for me. I'll be there," I said as I went down the carriage. Emmy took a second to see if I am okay but leaves quickly to do as ordered.

I bide my time to walk to the room to think, secretly fortunate that the Aspera's palace is huge which gives me enough time for me to walk as if it's a stroll.

This is honestly the first time I felt this uncertainty. I have always lived a life wanting to find my purpose. I can either be prudent as my role requires to, or relaxed as a retired life should be. But this life is uncertain.

There are so many mysteries. There are so many uncertainties. What does the future hold? What future do I want? And what I actually want to do?

All those questions lead to only one person and I don't know why. I don't know why it's him. I can't help but itch at the thought that he seems familiar. "Vance, who are you really?," I gripped the hilt of my training sword.

I feel uneasy. I can't help but be worried. But why do I worry so much?

"Carina!!,"

"Brother,"

Caspian hugged me as I walked absent-mindedly to my room. "Are you alright? You seem to be in a daze,". Caspian lent out his arm as he led me to the room.

"I'll have a bath first. I am smelly right now,"

"Honestly my little sister never smells,"

I blushed. "You're too much. I'll see you in the dining room,".

After I put in my casual dress and dried my hair, I headed to the dining room to have dinner with my brother.

Today's dinner was a bit quieter than usual. Only the clattering of the cutleries filled up the room. The maids and the knights exchange nervous glances at each other. The servants were worried if this will be one of those days the Aspera house will have their tyrannical mood swings.

However, it was due to the fact Caspian felt awkward at how to approach the slightly depressed Carina.

"Brother,"

"Y-yes!," Caspian jolted as he dropped his fork. He was surprised that I suddenly called out to him.

"The crown prince is inviting me to his palace,"

Caspian gave an icy glare. "What?," he mumbled, gritting his teeth. The servant who is trying to pick up the dropped fork pulled back a little as she was afraid of the murderous aura Caspian exhumed.

"And...I don't know my purpose. I don't know my motivation to become a tutor...I am just...a little tired," I mumbled, but loud enough for Caspian to hear it.

Ah, I think it's one of those days' depression will hit me again.

Caspian looked at me worryingly. He doesn't know how to break the news that the duke of Aspera will return home from the battlefield soon.