1 Did God just say 'bruh'?
It all started with my adult naked self sitting in the middle of a flawlessly clean room with 21st century furniture. In front of me was a man dressed comfortably in a loose T-Shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He was explaining to me who I am and how I ended up in such a questionable place.
Before he started his explanation however, he made me stare at a portable screen, which he held in front of me, with recurring 0's and 1's. I don't know how long I was staring at that, either because I had no sense of time or the concept of time simply didn't exist in the room; or both. What I do know is that I began to comprehend everything around me only after that. For instance, I had no knowledge of any form of language before, and I had no idea what 21st century furniture looked like.
Anyway, the man in front of me patiently explained everything in the language that I had just learnt. Long story short, he is God and he created me by accident.
Long story long, the person before me was the Omnipotent who created the universe, and by extension, created human beings. He made it very clear while explaining that humans were his proudest creation. "Such a complex life form. It took an exhausting number of attempts to get the evolution to work," were his exact words.
Originally, the Omnipotent is not supposed to feel pride. If you think about it, pride is a human emotion, so what gives? Well, the answer to that is also the answer to how he 'accidentally' created me. He explained that after the success of human evolution, he decided to have a human form for himself; the unquestionably most flawed species in the universe.
"I technically didn't 'create' you," he continued with his explanation, sitting next to me on the white sofa. "You were born naturally, but you had a, for the lack of a better term, virus installed in you." Basically what he meant was, a portion of his powers got embedded within me by mistake.
As you could already assume, the Omnipotent' power is literally boundless. So, a portion of his power is essentially the same as all of it. "This 'virus' will do everything in its power to protect its host," he continued. "It's power being boundless, even I can't destroy you without risking literally everything I've created."
Obviously, I had no control over this power within me. And that was the reason for me being in that room. When I was born, I apparently cried like all babies do, and the virus reacted to my distress by releasing a bit of energy... just a bit, enough to break the laws of the 3rd dimension and completely reset the universe. And it only got worse.
Of course I had no idea about any of this until it was explained to me by the Omnipotent. He further explained how the universe functioned, as it was relevant to know how big of a mess I had caused; I say 'I,' I mean the flawed God.
You see, the universe did not simply start existing because the Omnipotent said "let there be the universe." Granted, the Omnipotent is essentially an entity with limitless resources, but that doesn't make creation a trivial process. For example, if you were to build a house, you would probably think about building one with existing materials like bricks, cement, etc. But what if you had no knowledge of bricks and cement? Imagine the same while creating the universe. Nothing existed before it, so what would you create it out of?
You get the point. Everything had to be created from the dot. To really put things into perspective, the most groundbreaking creation throughout the span of the universe was the atom — the building block of the universe. To quote the Omnipotent himself, "The atom was a thousand times more difficult to get right than any other creation."
Hence, the universe was born after a mortally unimaginable number of failed experiments. However, creation couldn't be the only goal for the Omnipotent. For something as vast as the universe, there needs to be stability. And how do you ensure stability? Rules. Lots and lots and lots of rules. One of the most important rules — and the only relevant one for now — is the rule regarding the flow of time.
"Time is the most important dimension in the system. It's so important that if it were to bug out in the slightest, the entire universe will have to be reset," the Omnipotent said before revealing to me that my birth resulted in exactly that.
You see, everything in the universe is affected by time, and it's not limited to motion and change. Even uncertainties play a role. For example, if you flip a coin, you create the uncertainty of it landing on heads or tails. Time treats these uncertainties as certainties and branches the timeline, splitting the universe into two where both events happen. Of course, this is only an example meant for simplicity, because in reality, time won't only branch in two. If you think about it, the outcome of the coin toss is not the only uncertain detail. Everything from the number of times the coin flips in the air, to the angle in which it lands, it's all taken into account, branching the universe into countless parallel universes.
Now going back to how I reset the universe when I was born. I did not simply reset the universe I was born in, but I also fractured the time-branch, completely resetting everything. In other words, the infinitely many universes that were branched over the course of 13.8 billion years were all gone in the blink of an eye. Everything had to start over... but I was still in the system, so it couldn't.
After the reset, the virus took over my bodily functions. I became an adult with fully developed body parts in an instant, but without any of the flaws that usually comes with puberty. No sexual urges, no pubic or ass hairs, and no zits. Floating naked in the endless space, my coordinates remained the same after the reset. That means although I was part of the system, I did not exist within the universe because the universe hadn't exploded into existence yet, let alone expanded to my coordinates. Eventually, the universe would expand to overlap me, but as soon as I become part of the universe, the time-branch would break again because it was unable to validate uncertainties I — specifically, the virus — was part of.
So in summary, not only did I reset my universe, I reset all the parallel universes. And not only did I reset all the parallel universes, I did it over and over again each time the universe expanded itself onto me. In the end, the Omnipotent had to temporarily shut down the system. Obviously, I couldn't be destroyed in the process thanks to the virus, so I ended up in the room I was currently in. If that sentence confuses you, think about it like this: outside the system, nothing exists other than the Omnipotent, not even the concept of time and space. And the Omnipotent who now took the form of a human being, made his environment similar to that of the humans; a modern room with modern furnishings, and of course, gravity.
There, all caught up. "What happens now?" I spoke for the first time in the Omnipotent' presence.
"Quite obvious actually. You need to be destroyed, but it's not a safe option currently, because you have literally zero control over the virus. I need you to learn to control the virus, like taming a dog, to the point where you can safely terminate your own existence."
"You... you want me to commit suicide?"
"Bruh, you're an existential threat. Why are you surprised?"
Did God just say 'bruh,' I thought to myself, but didn't ask out loud. "Technically, I am also an Omnipotent now, so can't I simply stay here? Once I learn to control my powers, I can probably help you run things around here." I immediately realized I had just asked a stupid question. Two Omnipotent(s) made no sense by the literal definition.
However, he understood my concern. Inherently, nobody wants to die, especially human beings with their desire to achieve fulfillment. Although I was technically trillions of years old, I achieved nothing during that period, so I couldn't immediately come to terms with killing myself with no fulfillment. "Don't worry, there's a solution," said the Omnipotent. "Why don't you live on earth among other humans and learn to control the virus? I mean, it's definitely gonna take you centuries to fully control it, so why not live a desired life in the process?"
Honestly, that was the best deal I could've gotten, so I agreed. "But how?"
"Well obviously, I need to make some adjustments to the universe before restarting it, so that it won't immediately break with you in it... and it's done." If you're wondering whether he modified the universe's functionality in an instant, then you're not paying attention. As I already mentioned, the concept of time doesn't exist outside the system, so there's no time to spend doing anything. To give you a proper example, imagine you're a working class citizen who works everyday for 8 hours for 2 weeks to complete a given task. The three main variables here are your energy, the work done, and the time spent. Now, remove the time variable from the equation. The work will be done by you with the same amount of effort, but it will be done instantly because there is no time involved.
So, although the universe was modified instantly, it doesn't mean that it was effortless for the Omnipotent. He probably test-ran the universe a couple million times — at least — and fixed even more bugs before he said it was done. With that being said, what modifications did he make?
"Firstly, I solved the time-branch problem," the Omnipotent said. "Since time couldn't validate uncertainties that you were part of, I made it so that time could flow linearly without any problems. Basically, it's a functionality where a time-branch could be frozen so that new universes will not branch from that point. You will become part of a linear timeline, which also solves another problem — there will be no alternate universe versions of you to worry about."
I, however, had a nitpick about this functionality. I don't know about the Omnipotent, but I was very sure that I was gonna screw up something at some point, and when that happens, I have to live with that screw up. I know what you're thinking: doesn't everybody live with their mistakes? Well, I'm clearly different from the rest in case you haven't noticed. You see, it's theoretically possible to move between timelines without breaking anything. The only rule is that you have to move parallelly, because time flows perfectly parallel between the universes. So, if I were in time-branch A and the time on earth is 3:00 PM PST and decide to jump to branch B, I will have to be there at 3:00 PM PST; even a microsecond difference could lead to universal collapse.
But because the timeline I would be part of will be frozen, there will be no branches to jump to. "Not quite true actually," the Omnipotent responded to the nitpick. "I'm not gonna freeze the timeline at the beginning of the universe. I'm only planning to freeze the branch you will be going to at the moment of your arrival, so there will be other branches where you would have never existed."
He thoroughly explained to me how time-branches worked, including how to freeze a timeline, so that in the event of a disaster, I could freeze a different timeline and jump to it. The reason why the Omnipotent can't do it for me is simply because he cannot physically influence me in any way because of the virus. Surely I will need to learn to control my powers to a certain extent to pull it off, so... fingers crossed I don't do anything crazy before that.
Finally, I was all set to go back to earth. Oh wait, did I mention that the earth I was going to was not the earth where governments are elected democratically? That's right, an adventure in a fantasy world where people wielded magic. The Omnipotent and I discussed this and figured it would be easier to learn to control my powers in a world where its citizens worked towards the same goal.
Apparently, it was a timeline where human beings evolved to control external properties using their mind. However, this form of evolution didn't actually make them overpowered as you would expect. The laws of nature only allowed them to wield so much power to not cause significant disasters. "But there could always be exceptions, so be careful," the Omnipotent warned me. "It'll be bad if you come across an enemy that'll make you use more power than you can control—wait, I have an idea that could work."
He once again told me to stare at a screen with recurring 0's and 1's. I understood that this was a way for the virus to grasp information and make use of it beneficially, like how it allowed me to instantly learn an entire language. However, this time I didn't feel like anything changed after processing it. "You have now learnt a passive skill," he revealed. "I'm fairly confident it'll work fine. With this, you will be able to estimate the threat level of humans you will meet."
The skill would essentially detect the energy which humans used to produce magic and estimate their power level. He also mentioned that the power level could only be measured up to 9000, anything above that will be interpreted as 'over 9000.' I think he meant that as a pop culture reference... nope, no clue. Anyway, with this skill, I can be more aware of threats.
"Good luck! I will be watching over you, so don't do anything that will make me bang my head against the wall." Saying so, the Omnipotent disappeared and the environment around me changed instantly. I felt warmth as I looked up at the bright blue sky. I knew that I wasn't teleported there by the Omnipotent, because like I said, he can't physically influence me in any way. He probably just overlapped the universe on me and positioned it so that I would be in those exact coordinates.
By 'exact coordinates,' I mean I was a couple yards away from a kingdom's border. It was of course discussed beforehand where I would arrive and what initial series of steps I should take. You see, the kingdom ahead of me had two immortal magicians living inside. They're technically not humans, because they were not born naturally. The Omnipotent created them as biological robots with a lot of hardcoded settings, mainly to identify and serve me upon my arrival. The reason why he didn't just breed them naturally was to not affect the evolution process; these two were far above average in terms of capabilities.
These two immortals were perceived by the people as 'closest to God,' so they had a lot of social power in the kingdom. The first step was to wait for them to come and escort me into the kingdom.
...
I waited for quite some time before realizing I may not be close enough for them to sense my presence. So, I moved forwards. I was halfway there when I turned around to see a carriage approaching. I initially ignored it and kept walking, until it passed and stopped ahead of me. I was able to tell that the carriage belonged to a rich person; it was unnecessarily huge and extravagant. Stepping out of the carriage, a young girl in noble attire approached me along with another lady in her thirties, presumably her attendant. My passive skill immediately activated and estimated their capacity. It was translated to my brain, allowing me to perfectly interpret it.
> Level: 89
> Mana Capacity: 4000
> Mana Control: B+
> Skillset: Ice Magic (Complexity - C)
> Character Trait: Domineering, Prideful, Sociopath
> State of Mind: Curious
_________________________________________
> Level: 48
> Mana Capacity: 1500
> Mana Control: A+
> Skillset: Organization (Complexity - A) ; Calculation (Complexity - C)
> Character Trait: Subservient, Loyal
> State of Mind: Alert
The analysis was more detailed than I expected. Level 89 belonged to the young girl in front, which was quite high for her age, given the fact that even adults would only have a power level of 20-25 on average.
"Where's your master?" she asked.
I probably forgot to mention this, but I was still buck ass naked on arrival. In fact, clothes were yet to touch my body since birth. So to me, walking naked only felt natural, but to an outsider, I seemed like a slave. Yes, slavery was a thing in the kingdom that was my destination. And most of the slaves in the kingdom wear little to no clothing.
"I'm not a slave," I responded casually.
"Watch your tongue, peasant," the attendant suddenly interjected at my casual tone. "You're in the presence of the royal princess."
Yep, she was the princess of the kingdom I was going to live in. Wasn't it an excellent opportunity for me, given my side goal was to live a fulfilling life? Wouldn't it be sweet if I fall in love and marry the princess? Wrong! I wanted nothing to do with a person who had 'Sociopath' as a character trait.
"It's okay Anderena," the princess silenced her attendant, and stepped towards me. "You look like you have nothing and nowhere to go. What do you say I take you with me?"
I was still a decent distance away from the kingdom's border, so I figured it would save some time to agree with her for the time being... but I hesitated.
> State of Mind: Curious —> Demented, Excited.
"O—okay," I agreed nevertheless, because once I reach the kingdom, the two Immortals will come to escort me and from there, I can part ways with this crazy bitch and never see her again. At least that was the plan.
"That's a good boy," she stepped even closer. "Now kneel down and lick my shoes like a dog. You should be willing to do that much if you're so desperate to become my plaything."
Behold, ladies and gentlemen — God's proudest creation. What a joke! I could only hope that other human beings are a little more decent than this. As a sign of refusal, I sighed and continued walking towards the kingdom. In hindsight, I should have lied when she asked where my 'master' was. I could have used that opportunity to wait for the immortals, avoiding further interaction with the princess.
> State of Mind: Enraged
I felt cold air behind me as it hit my skin. Slightly concerned, I turned around to the princess uttering the words, "A mere dog dares to show disrespect? Unforgivable!" She pounced at me with her palm aiming for my neck. She was exuding energy that rapidly lowered the surrounding temperature to sub zero levels. She focused all that energy to her hand as she tried to grab me by the neck... and succeeded. I understood why her character trait included 'Sociopath.'
When you picture someone using Ice Magic, you would imagine them doing something like building an ice castle or a snowman. But what about making physical contact with someone to drop their internal temperature to fatal levels, freezing their blood and nerves, and viciously killing them from the inside? That's what she tried to do to me. If I had remained calm, the virus would have neutralized the temperature, but I somewhat got scared. As you already know, me getting scared is not in the best interest for my surroundings.
The virus reacted by releasing heat around me as a way to fight the Ice Magic. The only problem, however, is that it grossly overdid it; an attack radius of 60 kilometers. Not only was the princess, attendant, and the carriage all vaporized, the entire kingdom was swallowed by the range of my attack and reduced to flames, charcoal, and ashes. If that wasn't bad enough, which it definitely was, the virus also released some radiation along with the heat, which meant that the area where I was supposed to reside would no longer be habitable.
I wondered where things went so horribly wrong. I remembered the Omnipotent' last words before I arrived here — what are the odds he's actually banging his head against a wall after witnessing that?
