191 Chapter 191 - 191. This Is Not Enough

About the precious things that have been regained after loss.

What emotions do people feel?

I regret not being able to tell you, so I promise to tell you now, and I don't want to lose it again.

Realize again how precious it is and repeat it.

However, there are bound to be people among them who are not centered, comparing themselves to others by looking at the reactions of others.

Then which one am I?

It was late at night, when the bluish moonlight was shining on a corner of the infirmary.

"How long are you planning to stay there?"

Jeto asked.

"Miss Kaen."

To me who was hiding outside the window and unable to enter the room.

You can't escape Zeto's feelings.

I wasn't making a single slight breathing sound, but Zeto had been aware of my presence for a long time.

"How long have you known?"

"Well, Miss Kaen's presence is easy to spot in many ways."

"..."

"Are you not going to come in?"

"I'm comfortable here."

I thought this was my place.

A lot of thoughts came and went as I pointed out the emotions I felt and the reactions of others.

No tears came out.

Because it wasn't sad.

Even if it was a miracle, because he had come back to life, he was breathing again.

Satisfied.

The fact that he was alive was satisfying.

I couldn't cry in his arms, saying thank you for coming back to normal and saying I was sorry.

However, it is also true that it felt alien.

It was strange that I couldn't cry normally.

Are the emotions dry?

Am I overly calculating?

Is the bond he and I have built shallow?

I don't know why, but one thing is for sure: I was behind.

So, I thought this was the right place for me.

Not by his side.

Not by his side.

To the extent of peeking at him from afar.

Because that was enough to satisfy me.

I tried to actively approach it, but I saw it.

But it seemed like I knew it now.

I thought I couldn't replace the people who had built a bond with him before me, the people who had created the story.

It was my conclusion reached after a cold and thorough calculation.

This wasn't a defeat.

It was also my victory.

Anyway, he's back, and I can stand here again.

I have no complaints.

"...Anyway, wasn't the infirmary on the second floor?"

"If you step on the gap in the wall well, you can stand."

Then, from the bed Jetto was on, the sound of the blanket rustling is heard.

His feet touch the ground.

He was coming towards me

Soon, Jeto stood on the window sill and opened his mouth.

"Sounds inconvenient."

"...It's not uncomfortable."

Hearing the answer, Jeto, who tilted his head, suddenly stood on the window sill.

"It's dangerous...!"

Jetto does not give in to my cry and sits down on the window sill with his legs sticking out the window and pushes the window that was less open.

Then he made a seat next to him and tapped on it.

As if to sit down.

As if that was my place.

Jetto, who was knocking on the window frame, was clearly saying that.

"I need to rest..."

She reluctantly sat down next to him.

Zeto's unspoken pressure was unbearable.

"How about it? This is much more comfortable, right?"

"..."

"It's much more like a colleague."

"Colleague..."

I haven't been doing anything lately, so I don't really feel like a colleague, though.

The window sill was a bit cramped, so it was in perfect contact with him.

Is it because the distance narrowed in an instant?

Inadvertently, things that I hadn't been able to tell were coming out of my mouth.

"...I thought I knew Cadet Zeto well."

"Is that so."

"I know secrets that others don't know, and I also know how strong Cadet Zeto is compared to what is revealed. But..."

It was shocking.

I was devastated when I heard the news of his death.

"...This news was really unexpected. It wasn't all I knew. This was the second time since I took the sword. I've lost my composure..."

"When is the first?"

"When I lost to Cadet Jeto."

"...Ah."

"Besides, until he miraculously revived... If I had to argue, this would be the third time. Cadet Zeto is truly an incalculable person."

"Do I need to calculate?"

"...Because that's how I've always lived. It might sound arrogant, but I always thought I'd made the world go my way."

Driven by desire, he sought and desired stimulation, and finally created it.

I calculated people, judged them, made them act on my will, and elicited the desired reaction.

But Jeto was different.

He was an unexpected person.

A miscalculation has occurred.

I couldn't predict.

I didn't have the initiative.

That made me even more interested in him.

I wanted to figure it out.

I wanted to know him.

I wanted to take him.

I wanted to explore.

"Really... I've lived a simple life."

In this harsh world where force can be said to be everything, he met the absolute strongest in the world called 'Sword Saint' and was able to grow up equipped with absurd force from a young age.

"Unlike Cadet Zeto."

I grew up without lacking, without lacking.

Aside from his grandfather's grueling training, he grew up experiencing neither adversity nor hardship.

It made life simpler. It became monotonous.

"I've heard the news. They say they won't quit the academy. Even though they've already died and revived once, and even lost their arms... Ordinary people would have chosen to retire right away."

I didn't have the goal of serving Master's cause like that.

There was no reason to step forward.

Still, it wasn't too far off. Right and wrong were clearly distinguishable, but something was very different nonetheless.

Soon, Jeto's mouth opened as if he was looking at the night sky with his head raised.

"Is it bad to live simply?"

"...Yes?"

"Is it bad to live driven by desire?"

"That..."

"I think that I am no different from Miss Kaen. I am only moving forward for my own desires."

"...What is Cadet Zeto's desire?"

What is his desire, what is his wish, that he can move forward without hesitation despite being so worn out.

"To make everyone next to me happy. That's my greed, desire... And my driving force."

"..."

Jeto turns to me and smiles.

"And Kaen-chan is definitely included in that 'all'."

"...To?"

Because it was so sudden, a strange shriek came out.

Even though it seemed like a story I had heard once, it was something that made my face tickle.

"I don't think it's bad to live a simple life and chase your desires as long as you can be happy."

Soon, Jeto raises his hand to me.

"And this, you left it... I was able to recognize it because it was a touch I remembered. This ring, Miss Kaen, right?"

On the ring finger of the right hand, which Jetto held up, was the ring he had given in memory of him.

It was also the ring he had given me before.

Well, it was a ring that didn't mean much, just as a reward for clearing the blood mage.

"Umm... Can you help me for a second?"

I guess I don't need it now that I'm back.

Trying to get the ring out, he was struggling as he now only had one hand left.

Swallowing bitterness at the sight, I helped him get the ring out.

"Haha, I'm not used to it yet... Thank you."

After getting the ring out of Jetto's hand, the hand that was holding the ring moved to my left hand.

"I'll give it back. It's Miss Kaen's ring."

"So, I think you misunderstood your fingers..."

However, the place where the ring was directed was the ring finger of the left hand.

The meaning of a ring is bound to change depending on the finger on which it is worn.

Among them, the ring worn on the ring finger of the left hand... Anyway, this one had a lot of meaning.

At my embarrassed words, Jeto tilted his head.

"Is something wrong? I don't know because I can't see anything."

As if nothing had happened, Jeto smiled slyly.

He couldn't have known

He couldn't be mistaken.

"..."

I looked down at the ring.

It wasn't that it was studded with expensive jewels, but could there be anything more valuable to me than this?

Then Jeto's voice echoes in my ears.

"Is Miss Kaen happy now?"

"...I think so."

"Is it ambiguous?"

"...I don't know either."

"Then, how do you think Kaen, who has lived a simple life, can be happy? What kind of desire makes you happy?"

In the middle of such a conversation, I suddenly remembered what I heard from Kaliman.

'Have you told me? Your heart...'

I could tell you now.

It was different then.

Zeto, who was now visible, was exhaling his breath, the proof of being alive and breathing.

"..."

He was waiting for my answer.

"Well, it's desire..."

What is my desire

What is my true wish that is out of reality and out of the realm of calculation?

What can I do to be happier?

At that time, Zeto's moist lips caught his eyes.

Even at this moment, my desire was so simple and frank.

It was a little trivial and funny, so the corner of my mouth went up.

Then he told the truth.

I conveyed to him the feelings I had not been able to convey.

"I want to kiss Cadet Zeto... That kind of greed arises."

I was greedy.

Of course, it's just my personal greed, so even if it's not accepted, just by conveying my heart...

"..."

Jetto didn't say anything, but he pushed his face right into me and kissed him.

...It was good. Happy.

"Now... Are you happy?"

Jeto asked.

"No..."

I was so happy that I felt like I was going to stop breathing.

"...This isn't enough."

I kissed him again.

That kiss was long and deep.

It was as if the world had stopped.