1 I want to be...




I remember.

I remember playing cricket in the gully.

I remember being constantly sick in my childhood. And my parents being constantly worried about me. The number of doctors I had to visit and the amount of medicine I took are innumerable. Being picky about food was one of the reasons for my low immunity power.

I remember going to different cities every 1 to 3 years because of my parent's job. Due to the government job, they would get transferred every 3 years. Sometimes we had to change cities/villages every year. I had trouble making friends. I was, and still am, an introvert. It was difficult for me to adjust to new schools and their environment. So my first and best friend would always be the one who sat beside me on the first day.

I remember being very good at studies. Although I was never interested in it like any normal boy. I was good at Maths since I didn't have to remember anything in it and I loved language subjects. Because they had stories in them. Whenever we got books in the vacations, the first thing I would do was read all the stories in Gujarati and Hindi books.

I remember being good at reading from the oldest memories. My parents always got me picture books. And I would keep on reading them again and again. Others would get tired, but not me.

I remember that in some cities, I would have no friends. I used to play alone. My mom would get angry because she couldn't sleep due to all the noise I created. But I didn't care.

I remember falling in love with cartoons. Tom & Jerry was the funniest thing I had watched. I remember laughing out so hard. I would watch TV while eating, and sometimes I wouldn't even know that I had eaten vegetables I hate. That's how much I would be engrossed in them.

I remember watching Popeye The Sailor Man and asking my mom to give me spinach to give me power up. But when I got to know how it tastes in real life, I felt betrayed.

I remember the craze Beyblade had created for children. I bought and broke so many Beyblades. I collected lots of them and never give them to others. It is my special collection. Others wouldn't know how precious it is. Beyblade, Pokemon, and Digimon were my top 3 cartoons at that time. Then I watched Goku v/s Vegeta fight. And I had to change my opinion. Until I saw One Piece and Jojo, of course.

I remember another strange phenomenon that was created due to shows like Mahabharata and Ramayana. I fall in love with the stories they had. I loved them fighting for their morals. Their Ideology. Their Dharma. In all fairs, there would be people selling Gada [Indian version of Mace], Swords, Bow & Arrow. And I had to buy one. Though the quality was questionable of the toys, it helped me go into my imaginative world where I would be someone who was the strongest and changed some things I didn't like. In a way, I was the author of my fanfiction of Hindu Mythology. I fell in love with characters like Krishna, Hanuman, and especially Karna. He was like the protagonist material character who chose the wrong path due to no one helping him. Fate was against him. His mother left him in the river because she had mistakenly given birth to him. Later he was adopted by a charioteer. And because no one knew he was actually from the Kshatriya caste [warrior caste], no one supported him. Not even his teacher. Only Duryodhan helped him who was the 'villain' of the story. He gave him the helping hand first time in life, and he chose to give everything to him for the sake of friendship. He had an armor that couldn't be damaged, he won against every king in his Vijay Yatra. He defeated many great people. But he could never defeat Arjuna. Arjuna, who was considered the best Archer. Karna always wanted to prove that he was better than Arjuna. But he never could defeat him. Before the war, Arjuna's father, the king of Devalok [place where most Deva/God resides], Indra came to Karna. Karna was known for his charity. Before the sunrise, if you ask him anything, he will give it to you without a second thought. Indra took advantage of it. He went in disguise and asked for his Kavach [armor] and Kundal [earings] which was given to him at his birth by his father, Suryadeva [Sun God]. Karna couldn't be killed with his indestructible armor and his earings had Amrita [Elixir of Immortalitu]. But Karna didn't even think for a second and ripped apart the armor which was connected to his body like ripping apart the flesh of a body, and gave it to him even though he had guessed his identity. Even Indra couldn't help but be impressed with his charity and gave one of his strongest weapons, AMOGH SHAKTI. Once it was invoked, it would definitely destroy the target whose name was spoken. He saved it for Arjuna but had to use it on someone else due to the pleading of Duryodhana. Duryodhana had broken the rule by fighting at night, which later led them to one of the strongest opponents they faced. They would have lost the war that same night if Karna hadn't used his AMOGH SHAKTI. Even his mother took advantage of his charity. She revealed she was his mother only to ask to spare his brothers. The ones, who were against Duryodhana. He gave him the promise that he spare the lives of his brothers except for Arjuna. Which was one of the factors why Duryodhana's side lost the war. And due to the curse his teacher had given him for lying to him that he was Kshatriya, he forgot his skills at the most important moment leading to his death.

I always wished I was Karna and how I could have done things differently.

I remember imagining myself as Karna who was successful. Defeating everyone and being the greatest warrior and king known in history. I wonder why am I thinking the whole story of Karna. Maybe because it is one of the greatest times I had in my life.

I remember that after growing up, the pressure for studying increased. You needed to get good marks at every point. Especially after you enter the 10th standard. I pushed myself very hard and good marks, which created expectations. Which demanded more efforts which I couldn't show. I lost my motivation. I slowly started getting fewer and fewer marks. I also went into depression. But at that time, my love for the stories saved me. I watched Pokemon and Beyblade again for nostalgia. Then I found Dragon Ball. I had only seen some episodes when I was young. So I binge-watched it. After that, I discovered the world of anime. Which led to me reading manga. And then reading novels and fanfics. I found many friends thanks to this. And this hobby led me to my job. I started doing youtube regarding anime, manga, and novels. I also started writing a blog and later I published a book too. My hobby of reading led me to read various types of books. And due to the videos of Shwetabh Gangwar aka Mensutra on youtube, I realized that I shouldn't only read storybooks. But other informational books too. This would help me collect data which will later turn into a tool for me to create more stories. But sometimes, what you love can also kill you.


That reminds me, what world we live in. The world is getting worse and worse, and it's not a surprise. We are living in the last Yuga [era], Kaliyuga. According to Hindu mythology, there are 4 Yuga. And KaliYuga is the Age of Darkness. Kali itself means Demon. The cycle of 4 Yuga keeps going on, from the best to the worst. And to be honest, it is just the start of the Kaliyuga. And the world is going to only get worse. Humans will only get worse. If only you just look up at the symptoms shown on Wikipedia, you will know how accurate it is. The world of spirituality will only degenerate and humans will succumb to their demons. This... is just a beginning.

Just try to remember the amount of propaganda that is being spread in this day and age. The trust among others is reducing at a rapid rate. Common people are being used left and right. It doesn't matter how close one person is, he can betray you anytime. But I, even in this kind of era, dared to talk about spirituality in my own way. I tried to spread awareness about my religion. Because the world can't go on if even good people don't try to change them. The world is not getting worse because of bad people, but because many good people are not doing anything about it. As I loved reading books related to Hindu mythology, I wanted to talk about them. I tried to give them a modern look. Because some people don't understand that what is right and what is wrong depends on the time and world we live in. They are not ready to accept change or just don't want to be proven wrong. Not to mention, no matter how right or polite you are, if you are against the world, or the ones who decide narrative, you are going to be labeled as wrong. And then all those people who didn't even know everything properly or have any other object in mind rushed to show their 'righteousness' and made my life a real hell. I got the news that my pregnant wife got into an accident. My parents got allegations regarding a sensitive topic and lost their jobs and reputations. All people who used to come to them for help turned their faces and started talking bad behind their backs. My sister and her husband are missing. Not being able to bear this, my father got a heart attack. My mom wasn't mentally strong enough, so she committed suicide, leaving me alone. And now, I despise this world. But especially the ones who are in power. Using your power to go so far as to destroy my life and the ones around me. Just because they didn't like my opinions?? Only they have the rights?? Why? WHY?? WHY?? WHYY??? They are not even doing their job for decades. But they try their best to harm us. If this is how bad the world is right now, how bad it will in the future? With this, I lost my interest in living in this world. Welp, I'm not saying I wanted to die. Suicide is a bad thing. Because I don't know if you go to hell or heaven, but I'm sure that those who are close to those who died, will miss them extremely. I can tell you that. That's why I left the worldly affair. I went to the Himalayas. At first, I wanted to go to the jungle, but you know, I won't get inner and outer peace there. That's why I decided to go to the Himalayas. Due to the snowy area, there won't be any people, I can do live alone without any disturbance.

I remember the amount of suffering I had to go through. But soon, it was replaced with calmness. I didn't feel cold anymore. I didn't need to eat anymore. I could stay in Samadhi [Final stage of Yoga] for a longer and longer time. After a while, I forgot the pain. I feel like I even forgot to breathe. I felt like I was one with the universe. It was like I was in resonance with them. But keeping this resonance wasn't easy. It was getting tougher and tougher. I think I know why. My life force was coming to an end. I don't know how long I have been here. I just kept on remembering God's name. I felt repulsed by this world. How wonderful it be if I could go back in time. But that's just a wish. Though I never thought that God would be impressed by my struggle and will come to grant my wish.

I remember how there was a sudden light. Even though I had my eyes close, I couldn't bear it. And in a few seconds, it turned very comfortable. Somehow, I knew what it was. I have read about it in mythology books so many times. About how one does Tapa [a process of meditation full of struggle] and grants a wish except for immortality.


It is said that when you are close to the end of your life, your whole life flashes by. Maybe that's why I remembered all those things. And out of all those things, I remembered 1 wish. A wish I had at the peak of my life. When I was still in the innocent and naive phase of my life. And subconsciously, that wish turned into words and came out of my mouth...

"I want to be Karna"

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