36 Chapter 33

Fred was shocked as he watched Leon fall down from the bed, trying to catch up with him. What shocked him even more was the fragile frame of a full-grown man clinging on to his knees for life. Saliva dripped from the duke's mouth onto the carpet as he sobbed uncontrollably, his dignity in shambles. In all honesty, the commander never thought things would escalate this much. He was pissed at Leon for not answering him properly and just wanted to scare him a little so that he confesses. But things went south quickly.

"I'll tell you. I'll tell…I'll tell you, please! I'll do whatever you say from now on. Just don't …" the duke didn't even have enough courage to complete his sentence. He had believed that it would be okay to keep things to himself, as there was no way the past would change. Even if he screamed or cried or regretted or cursed with all his might, absolutely nothing would change. So, it was okay as long he was the only one who knows and he was the only one that suffers. But apparently, even giving up was not enough.

The commander crouched immediately to hug him. He felt guilty. He never wanted to take things this far. But even in this situation, his "wretched" heart just wanted to hear his reasons. As if the duke's already pleading body was not enough, his selfish desires didn't let his mouth refute Leon from revealing his secrets. The only comfort he could probably give now was the warmth of his embrace.

"Alright. I'll listen." The commander said, as he picked up Leon in his arms and carried him to the bed.

...........................

"We're too different."

  Derek remembered what Hansel had said before he left for an excursion to the south and scoffed in response. He had spent countless days trying to find someone who looks at just him… not as a Wintern bastard, not as a cash cow, just plain and simple him. And before long, this simple desire had turned into a deep-seated longing. People that he trusted never turned out to be faithful. And his brother, Leonard, was a prime example of this. He presumed that at least Hansel would be different and he started spending more time in order to get to know him. Before long, he was completely invested. But even Hansel's eyes could not get rid of that wretched Wintern shadow that covered him.

As far as talks pertaining to his marriage were concerned, Derek didn't have any plans to go through one. He had countless one-night stands with women from nobility and aristocracy at balls and parties, thanks to his good looks. But a toy, no matter how good, can only be used to humor yourself as a kid. You are never going to spend a lifetime with it, isn't that a given? Similarly, even if he was both noble and rich, in people's eyes he was just a bastard with vulgar blood flowing through his veins. Spending a night with him differed from getting married to a bastard and spending their whole life with him. This was the harsh reality that Hansel probably didn't know about.

"Isn't it funny? They wouldn't let me be with someone I wanted to be with, yet they don't want to give me their daughters." Derek sneered.

Meanwhile, Hansel fiddled with the pen Derek had gifted him while teaching him letters. The excursion team had already reached far south, towards the border of duke's territory. Currently, they were residing at a small manor of a countryside baron. Hansel sat quietly on a nearby boulder, lost in thought, while his loud teammates frolicked and played in the pond.

For him, Derek was so bright to look at that he never noticed the shadows that crept up under that light. Hansel thought they were never meant to be as it was unimaginable for two men to get involved in illicit relationship and never get caught. From the start, he was just counting days. Sometimes people's eyes become too focused looking at what's in front of them, that they forget all about what miracles can lie beyond that. It was not a surprise that Hansel himself was unaware of how much his own feelings had grown towards Derek. And just because they were never meant to be, doesn't mean that it became easier for him to let go. So, the bold words he had spouted back then just became a two-edged knife, hurting both of them.

For Hansel, Derek was always the person he served. He always saw himself as a Wintern knight, even when the steamy nights he had spent with Derek were a proof that he was anything but just that. It never occurred to him that he could ever be anything more than that to Derek. So, he never questioned Derek, only answered when asked something and did whatever was required of him. To have space for feelings in this sort of relationship was unnecessary. But somewhere feelings sprouted in him when he was not paying attention. To have asked Derek if he was going to marry someday was completely unrequired and could have been avoided. But before he knew, he had spouted the words he couldn't take back. Though what he saw was even more unimaginable.

Derek's pale face, which had distorted after his question, came to his mind. He clearly remembered how his icy blue eyes wavered in the face of him and the way he bit his lip to stop their corners from twitching. It was an expression of pain. But what Hansel hated the most was that somewhere deep down, he felt elated that Derek's expression changed because of him. That it was not some cold, emotionless words hurled at him, but a genuine expression that screamed that his words had the power to hurt Derek. Though the night ended on a grim note, Hansel's heart was beating faster than after a ten-mile run. It was a wretched feeling he couldn't get rid of.

As days passed, Hansel anticipated his return to the Wintern estate. He wanted to see Derek's face again, to see him smile, to say that he was sorry and to say that he had probably…

maybe….

very slightly…

had started liking him as well.