1 These mountains are scary.

Keep calm and write something.

A day ago.

My heart is beating so fast and my hand is trembling but I clenched it so hard it hurts. But pain is okay. Pain wakes you up from the fantasy. I watched the mountain peeking out from the clouds. I cursed myself quitely. It's slipping back. But the van is so quite and I'm sure that little curse was heard. So I blurted quite louder for others to hear, "Damn I wanted to pee! I hope we could find a restroom soon." The ride going to the highest point was so agonisingly long. It gives you time to think about a lot of things. It gives you time to think that the rumours about this mountains are true. "You either loose your love here or found a new one." Damn. I grabbed that ticket to prove it wrong. But I betrayed my own self. I dugged my own grave on this. I already admitted it a few seconds ago. This damn thought that keeps pestering me the past seven years. Freaking crazy. I inhaled deeply to calm myself down but the van suddenly went faster when we go down the road like a rollercoaster. My heart skipped a bit and I sucked in air quickly again. My toes stiffened so I put my hands on my necklace to calm myself down. Gently tapping it. "Everything is fine. You are fine. You are safe. You are breathing. Inhale, exhale. Breathe. See you are fine." I whispered to myself. My heart calmed down. But it came to me again. Gosh, can you even give me a break? Finally I decided to pull out the best weapon for this. I plugged my earphones on my phone even if the song inside the van is louder. I pushed the volume up so i couldn't hear anything. I looked for the song that will calm me down. A worship song is good at that. The music calms everything. The thoughts are fading away. Good. I close my eyes trying to find peace but realize that this time I trully wanted to pee. Damn those freakingly good dark chocolate cookies. I had to gulped down some water or else I'll have have that good old sore throat. The the thought comes out again. "Oh come on!" I thought to myself as I bit my lips. Why everything is associated with him? His words keeps repeating on my head when he tried to tease me again about eating things that are bad for my health. Damn this person. Calm down. Sleep your thoughts of him away and so is your pee. I layed my head over the bag besides me. Damn. His bag smells just like him.