2 Breathing is a problem

Calm down and keep writing...

I opened my eyes wide when I felt the familiar falling sensation. Our van was so fast that it flew into the air for a few seconds and landed on the ground with a loud thud. Many of us freaked out. I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from a squeaking. But my heart is pounding louder and my toes are already stiff. "Breathe. Just breathe. Every thing is alright." I instinctively laid my head back to the bag that I was using as a pillow and the moment I smelled it I calmed down. It is the worst feeling ever but I couldn't help it. I pity myself for relying on others when I can't control my own body. More so relying to a guy's scent.

Regretfully, ever since I can remember I had fear of falling and of course fear of heights. One time I when I was a kid I was playing with a small rubber ball with a string on it. I keep tossing it up and down and watched the string stretched to it's limits before pulling back the ball down. I keep watching that and remembered the feeling of the ball momentarily suspended in the air and then came crushing down on my palms. I repeated that again and again and until the string snapped and the rubber ball crashed down to the hard floor. It detangled itself to different scraps of rubber. After that I remember playing on a slide and was afraid of going down but I was pressured by this one kid behind me. I enjoyed the slide before but I don't know why I felt that way at that moment. I gathered my courage decided to do it. From below the slide, an adult told me not to hold onto the edges because its rough and I might injured myself but it was too late I hold on to it as I slid down and cut my hands. I cannot remember what happened afterwards. Ever since then I became fearful, I remembered the rubber ball, the slide, the kid and the man. My heart pounds, my body stiffens and followed by palpitations. Roller-coaster is a nightmare and so are pendulum rides. I skipped them all. When I got into highschool I became fearful of riding cars when the driver is known to love speed. I developed the same symptoms as well when the car is going down on a steep road. I always end up screaming like I was in a roller-coaster and start having palpitations. It was so embarrassing, I get bullied about it at a certain point. I was glad when we had to transfer to a new province. I can start anew. That's when I develop the habit of covering my mouth when a scream is trying to escape or tapping my chest to calm my self so I won't have palpitations. It didn't last long though. For some time now I noticed that my olfactory senses has become sharp and as if on cue he came.

He's name is Al. Just Al. No second name. Last name is White. Just White. Nothing else.

When I looked at his profile I was amazed how many credentials he has for a fresh graduate and was on top of his class too. He looks very young, way younger than I was even if we were the same age. He said he started late at school and so graduated two years after me. When I started giving him instructions on his requirements, he pulled out a notebook. He wrote down everything I said. I took a peek on his penmanship. Damn, he's penmanship is way, way better than me, a girl. It's so cute and neat that you will think it is a girl who wrote that. I congratulated him. He offered his hand for a shake. I hesitantly took his hand and quickly shaked it, reminding myself to wash my hands afterwards. I really don't like shaking hands with others people or touching their skin. Because it leaves a scent that is so hard to wash off. My olfactory senses has stepped up a bit. I could differentiate people from their smell and some has a very strong scent that makes me dizzy or puke at times. Lately, it rose to another level, at first I didn't think it was possible but I was able to distinguish people's emotions too from their smell. When you say that people are nasty when they have a bad attitude i think it also applies to their scents. It's making me puke so I get away as soon as possible when it hits my nostrils. There are also times that you cannot get away from a nasty boss. So after a long day enduring an unpleasant smell I go home immediately and washed my self. Soak myself in a lavender bath. Though the scent is strong as well and making me a bit dizzy it is much better compared to the sour stench of nasty people.

He, Al White. He smells nice. He's scent is strong but he smells nice.

Those were my thoughts seven years ago. Looking back I should have stopped there.