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I'd Like to Change My Reincarnation Subscription, Please

Superpowers abound. Villains rule the world. A transmigrated dork that has absolutely no idea what’s going on. Strong-armed by the Superhero Enhancement System into the thankless job of endlessly performing good deeds in a world where such actions are often met with violence, Lucas Lynn doesn't have much choice in regards to using his supposed gifts. It’s bad enough having to pretend to be a supervillain, but how exactly does Boss System expect him to save the world with only the help of a homeless orphan, a dog that’s smarter than he is, and a yoyo? Oh, just trick some supervillains into becoming superheroes instead? You make it sound so easy! ----- Tags: Sci-Fi, Isekai, System, Dark Comedy, Satire, Superpowers, Anti-Hero, Time Looping, Gore, Slice of Life, Rubber Ducky (yes, Mr. Quacks deserves his own tag) ----- Do a google search for "Geminel WordPress" for a page that has a little about me, information about the novel's inspiration, a link to the discord server, a link to the character reference sheet, a char art gallery, and a collection of short stories, both within and independent of this novel's universe. ----- Excerpt from the end of Ch1: [Bzzt... Scan complete. Analyzing...] 'Eh?' [Analysis complete. Positive value found, now loading... Loading complete.] 'Okay, WTF is...' [Binding successful. Congratulations upstanding citizen. You have been selected by the Superhero Enhancement System. Please select your desired enhancement. The following options are avail...] 'I'M DYING! IS NOT DYING AN OPTION!?' [Error, invalid selection. An enhancement will be randomly selected. Randomizing... Strength has been selected. Enhanced strength will be calibrated for your rebirth. Please look forward to it.] 'WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F-' With this final thought, Lucas dies in a pool of his own blood on the sidewalk.

Geminel · Sci-fi
Not enough ratings
244 Chs

Pupper Pepperoni

Jonathan jumped a bit when the real Miss Calculated suddenly scolded Miss Chievous, looking up at her right away. He already had a furrowed brow and was biting his lip while trying to decipher the legal-jargon-packed paperwork, and this expression doesn't lighten in the least bit once his attention is diverted.

His attention briefly shifts off to the side where Miss Chievous and Willy are sprawled out nearby on the corner of the carpet, then back up to Miss Calculated who is currently approaching Lucas and Miss Masher. After a few seconds, his expression has melted slightly from confusion to contemplation, turning into an expression of enlightenment after further thought. Whether he figured it out himself, or he needed assistance from 011, is only known by the two of them.

Noticing that her attention is on the phone in Lucas's hands, Jonathan pulls out his own.

"Oh, um, I-I got one too, if you wanted to see the, um... The final version? The boxes are in that, uh, bag, over the-there. In the bag with the, um, ta-tablets we got too..." As he had immediately pulled Miss Calculated's attention, he promptly became nervous from being the focus of a known intellect supervillain, triggering his stutter even more than normal. Feeling even more self-conscious because of it, his voice gradually became quieter before he finally trails off entirely. With his free hand, he points over at the bag that Lucas had abandoned on the couch he initially claimed.

At least, he thought he was her focus, but really she had her eyes fixed on the phone he was holding out, in all of its cute rubber-duckie-cased glory.

"Oh! How cute! Ah, mind if I take a closer look at it? If anything happens I'll refund it in full. I've made so many new designs lately that the manufacturers stopped sending me samples of the finished products." As she politely asks instead of just taking the phone and dissecting it on the spot, Miss Calculated waits until Jonathan offers the phone to her directly. He then also nods at her, feeling too awkward to actually say anything more.

By now the video that Lucas and Miss Masher were enjoying with every fiber of their beings has finished. When it shifted to begin playing Wraith Hunter's interview, Lucas just goes to replay his part, further encouraged by Miss Masher's urging.

Claiming the offered bit of tech, Miss Calculated doesn't waste any time in going over and settling down on the couch Lucas originally claimed, casually rummaging through the bag to pull out one of the phone boxes as well as one of the tablets. Staring at the two phone boxes but three tablets, she looks over at the casually sprawled out Willy with a thoughtful look, then looks at the two tablet cases that match with the two phone cases plus the giraffe patterned one in Willy's colors.

With a new wave of excitement, she shifts her attention from Jonathan's phone over to the third tablet, mounting the giraffe nanogel case onto it and starting its initial setup. After connecting it to the MCAC employee Wi-Fi, she finally sets about dissecting Jonathan's phone while the tablet downloads and installs updates.

While everyone else has been distracted, at some unknown point in time the two individuals that were lying on the floor have crept over towards the neglected charcuterie board. A hand has slowly reached up from beneath the edge of the coffee table, just as it is about to grab a piece of pepperoni it is spooked by Miss Calculated loudly clearing her throat, immediately vanishing from sight.

"It doesn't matter if you use your power, you still need to go wash your hands first, Chi." As Miss Calculated scolds the unseen thief, the previously coveted piece of pepperoni quickly floats down to Willy's waiting mouth. There's a source-less groan and then the door opens once again.

The words 'wash your hands' caught Jonathan's attention, resulting in him setting down the aggressively wordy stack of documents. The fact that he hasn't satisfactorily cleaned his hands ever since pulling the model phone out from the poor unfortunate pedestrian's skull may or may not be the sole reason he hasn't assaulted the tray of cheesy meaty glory. With a moment of hesitation, he then stands up.

"Oh, um, could you show me where the bathrooms are?" Jonathan's gaze wanders around a bit, eventually just focusing near the recently opened door.

"Eh? Oh, sure. Follow me- Oh, right." Realizing that her power was still active, Miss Chievous suddenly appears, standing in the open doorway. Jonathan blinks a few times while hesitating, but then obediently follows her out of the room.

The now lonely Willy licks his lips a few times more, then looks up at Lucas hoping to mooch some more. He knows full well what a disaster it would be if he tried to just eat directly off the platter, and is dignified enough to not do it.

Unfortunately, Lucas is still too busy being enamored with his own previous dumb antics to get the hint. At least Miss Calculated's pupper sense triggers and she looks up to see the puppy-dog eyes that are being directed at the platter, which she technically arranged with him in mind in the first place.

With a soft chuckle, she sets aside the mostly dissembled components of Jonathan's phone, as well as the small multi-tool she had pulled out of who-knows-where that she was using to do said disassembling. Scooting over a bit, she pats the cushioned spot next to her on the couch, leaning forward to grab the large platter.

The sound of the tray sliding across the coffee table manages to catch Lucas's attention, once he looks up at it his focus has been completely pulled away from his phone, which he blindly hands over to Miss Masher to let her keep watching.

'Why didn't you tell me there was food!'

[...It's not my fault you're too busy being a narcissist to pay any attention to the world around you. Seriously, how many times do you need to re-watch that?]

To add insult to injury, Lucas gets to watch as Willy hops up onto the couch next to Miss Calculated, right where he was originally, and start being hand-fed a woven wheat cracker with a smear of triple cream brie and a slice of Genoa salami on top.

'...Now I don't know which one of them I'm more jealous of.'

[...]

-----

Lucas kills this chapter: 0

Lucas total kills: 7

Lucas deaths this chapter: 0

Lucas total deaths: 10

Lucas current GDV: 8.90

Lucas's fame level: 2.5* (Mostly just local)

Lucas's hero suspicion level: 1* (Only highly paranoid people)

Jonathan kills this chapter: 0

Jonathan total kills: 5

Jonathan deaths this chapter: 0

Jonathan total deaths: 2

Jonathan current GDV: 1.94

Jonathan's fame level: 1.75* (Just local)

Jonathan's hero suspicion level: 1* (Only highly paranoid people)

-----

Little character theater:

Jonathan is still MIA. Let's hope that following Miss Chievous doesn't prove to be too large of a mistake.

Willy, enjoying this new pampered lifestyle: Bark!

Lucas, heartbroken, but purely as a consequence of his own actions: That's not faiiirrrrr!

427, far too amused by Lucas's current suffering: [You can still go have some yourself. Also, I'm sure Willy wouldn't argue if you two took turns feeding him, if that's what's bothering you.]

Author, lighting a candle for Jonathan: Poor Jon, who knows when and how we'll see him next. Also, needless to say, Willy would totally give one very enthusiastic bark if he could hear 427.

Mr. Quacks, longing for a butter cracker with a little sharp white cheddar and a piece of pepperoni: Quack...