1 Syndrome

"I'm sorry." You whispered to me.

But at this point, you couldn't have changed what you had already done.

In the hospital room I used to visit everyday, we sit quietly. As the doctor walks calmly in the room you clench your fists.

"Atsuki,"

He sits down in one of the chairs that were place beside my hospital bed.

"You have Alice in Wonderland syndrome,

It may sound like a joke, it isn't something to be made fun of. All your migraines and hallucinations are perfect signs of the Alice in Wonderland syndrome."

The doctor looked at me, relieved.

I wasn't very surprised, I had like any other person would, researched my symptoms several times. Alice in wonderland syndrome was something I was familiar with, me and Alyssa also always tried to find out what my disorder was.

Alyssa has been me with since longer than I can remember. After realising I wasn't like other kids I was scared all the time of what they would think, since my parents never believed me. That's why I told Alyssa, since we were the same age. We were only six years old then.

Now she's sitting in a a chair, next to my doctor, while I'm laying in this hospital bed.

"I understand" I muttered. I knew it was true, but I've been thinking about this disorder for so long, knowing what it's called is strange.

Some talking and after that me and Alyssa left. I didn't want to look her in the face most of the time, it's not like what she does is wrong-.. No, it's definitely wrong.

We were walking home from the hospital, my family lives close to the nearest hospital. Because of me, that is.

"U- Um, Alyssa?"

I felt the need to ask her about it.

It was practically the perfect situation to her in, too. I had been thinking about this for a while now, and I want to make sure she's going to be okay.

"Yeah?"

Her voice seemed distant and more tired than usual, though it did make sense. Yesterday, we had a sleepover, like we used to do all the time when we were younger.

I know what I saw wasn't an hallucination.

"Y'know about me moving out, right? I was wondering if you'd want to be my roommate. After all, we always talked about living together when we were younger."

I'm trying to be as pushy as possible, it's for her sake. It's for the better of good.

"Really? Atsuki, you know I couldn't say no to that."

Alyssa made it out to be a necessary thing, I mean, it is. I would've been concerned if she declined.

"It's funny how the future went exactly how we imagined as kids right, Alyssa?"

I saw her face in the corner of my eye, since we were walking beside each other. She stared at the ground. I knew why, I know exactly why.

"Yeah, Huh.. it really went like that.."

It sounded like even she was trying to convince herself. Jeez, I know you're tough but I can see right through you.

"Alyssa.."

"You know you could've told me earlier. If you told me, I wouldn't have reacted so badly.. I'm sorry."

The words slipped out of my mouth.

I remember it vividly, when I was waking up yesterday, Alyssa with her sweater off, there were wounds all over her upper body. I couldn't forget it even if I wanted to.

"It's not that easy, Atsuki."

"But you know I couldn't have told you.

You would've broken down for sure."

What a dumb excuse.