4 Snake eyes

Three weeks have passed since I took custody over the fox brat, no not that I should call him Naruto. The boy has been getting a much worse treatment than I ever did. I never had a 'snake hunt' on my birthday. Naruto wasn't caught during the one last week due to his skills but I can't be sure about years prior.

Maybe that was the birth of his pathological need to train. Since I took him in he has upped his 'regimen' as he so calls it. He used my chunin level clearance to get his hands on anything he felt desirable. It honestly makes me sweat at how fast he goes through reading material.

Lightning, water and a few wind jutsu were the first things he pocketed. My boss in the T&I department questioned me on it the very next day. The prick reports everything to one of the three elders so I was very particular with my words. Man I wish Ibiki was in charge, things would be so much more fun.

I told the civi douche that I was expanding my jutsu repertoire so I can have options against my sensei. It made me shiver thinking about him, though my excuse is accurate. Orochimaru and Hiruzen are among the few people in the world to fully train each basic elemental release.

The douche backed off after he thought he had confirmed it. Naruto has been ranting about conspiracy theories in the village a lot and the stuff has me on edge. Orphan kids going missing, uchiha going to be framed for the kyuubi, slavery among the hyuuga, dog fighting among the inuzuka, brainwashing among the kurama and a whole lot of other creepy shit.

I called him out on each one thinking that couldn't possibly be true. That was until I looked into it; orphan kids do in fact disappear every so often once they start performing above average in the academy or display unnatural traits in their homes like unique eyes or stronger bodies. The uchiha were having rumours about them spread revolving around how the kyuubi may have had a Sharingan eye covering.

There was a form of slavery among the hyuuga in the form of the branch family do jutsu seal! The kurama frequently test genjutsu on each other that can warp the mind so theoretically they could brainwash someone.

The inuzuka one however was bullshit, that was just some off their clansmen making their ninken compete. When I told the other queens about his theories it was met with mixed response.

The queens are me and my friends who have bonded over dealing with the patriarchal bullshit in the village. Hana is an heiress so nobles want her to breed with. Yugao is top swordsman in the village so people want her techniques. Kurenai is the best genjutsu mistress so is badgered to take apprentices. Myself being the "snake slut" and a poison mistress plus a summoner.

Hana Inuzuka actually checked for those dogs and their owners to confirm the "theory".

Kurenai learned about the kurama stuff from her little disciple Yakumo. She also learned about the branch seal from Hitomi hyuuga (the clan heads wife) when she went to visit her.

Yugao was already involved in investigations surrounding uchiha and orphans. Something about Root possibly still being active, note to self- don't talk to Naruto about the village or clans. Little shit seems to draw up paranoia around each clan. A nara that would strangle him with his shadow, an akimichi going cannibal, a yamanaka mind probing you in your sleep, aburame bugging homes.

Should have never allowed him to try hallucinogenics and truth serums to build up an immunity. Now I need at least one summon in the room when I sleep, that's another thing he worried about. One of my summons being disloyal and blabbing to Orochimaru. That would have been an issue if I summoned big snakes like Manda but I stick to little ones. Young snakes are better for developing certain poisons. Plus the older ones get paid in the form of torturing traitors.

I've tried convincing Naruto to remain loyal to the village but one walk outside makes me clench my jaw. I thought the issue was Naruto not having any friends to speak with so took him to a park while I observed from a far.

Sigh~ fan girls piss him off was the main thing I learned. All ranting about Uchiha boys and then making a comparison between the kid and a clan right to his face. He shocked them and made all their hair stand on end. Heh~ if there's one way to piss off a woman it's to mess with her hair.

The males just glared and sneered at Naruto which he returned ten fold. He went to the sand out and constructed a palace that could match the Daimyo's his only for a chubby kid to sit on it. Naruto threw sand in his eyes while shouting "Ninpo! Pocket sand jutsu" before he blurred away.

The affair made me laugh but it wasn't my goal. I tried introducing him to various stores while placing him under Henge but the fucking council caught on and installed henge dispelling seals on their door frames. Naruto then pumped more chakra into the henge and literally invaded himself in a shell of chakra. It fools the civilians but not the retired ninja who hate him.

Tried giving him dango but the kid prefers ramen, sacrilege. So I tried making him cook after he ranted about his food preferences. That was a good idea but now I'm worried I can't live without his cooking. He can work a grill like it's no ones business. His seasoning was he called them were way different than any other place in the village.

When I said as much he smirked and said it's another motivator to leave.

Couldn't argue with finding better ingredients abroad, or the fact that an Akimichi might chain him up for his food.

So hobbies was a good start but friends won't work. I tried finding things local to Konoha that he could do besides cooking. Music? Someone would break the instrument, same with any art piece he made.

Eventually I just made him meet my friends, he actually got along great with them. The method to becoming close to Naruto is to offer him something he deems useful or answer his questions. I've been giving him poison and jutsu. Kurenai gave genjutsu, Yugao helped with kenjutsu and Hana with iryojutsu. A vein throbbed in my forehead when I realised the little shit made a friendly gathering into a training session.

When the girls asked about why he needed to train he goes on a rant about a specific fear he has at the moments with a calm tone totally juxtaposed to what he's discussing. I don't what he said specifically to the girls but now they want to build their poison resistance. When I asked they saai he spoke about Suna and Chiyo.

Ah that makes sense I said remembering the info during the third war and how she was the best poison mistress in the world. I don't know where he gets his sources from considering he can't enter the Library but it's pretty good.

I also tried introducing him to male ninja that me and the girls felt were trustworthy. The brat wouldn't hear of it; Hayate, Asuma, Guy and a half a dozen others we listed were shut down. He did his analysis bullshit again and made us not want to go near the guys that evening.

Guy was actually the simplest, that damn youth sun genjutsu. Even Kurenai doesn't understand how positive energy alone can produce it. Next attempt was bonding with animals, animals do not like Naruto. Kyuubi pheromones was the prime suspect.

Food and friendship aren't going to keep the kid here. If he leaves I'm positive a snake like Orochimaru will sweep him up and make him into a monster. In two months he'll probably finish with all the stuff for chunin level in all the areas he's interested in. He trains his body at Guy levels, his poison skills are skyrocketing as are his ninjitsu, genjutsu, kenjutsu, iryojutsu and fuinjutsu. I don't know how he is doing so well on that front. His shadow clone trick is just more bull shit.

Maybe trying to see things from his perspective will convince him to stay?

Living with Anko is awesome! Warm blankets and hot water. My training is going much better with more resources at my disposal. Plus living with a hot babe like her is always welcome. She waltzes around her house in crop tops and booty shorts when she's off duty. She likes to joke and get hammered.

Chakra kinda made the legal drinking age go out the window. OG Naruto probably got the will of fire brainwash on the laws of alcohol. I tried all the personal favourite Sake of Anko which are pretty decent. But I could make better in a lab, Anko actually made me to test my skills.

I brewed up some Soju for her which instantly became her new favourite drink because of its sweetness compared to sake. Also made her some habushu as a joke, she turned all sadistic and asked her summons to bring her any off Orochimaru's that they find so I can make them drinkable. She'll defeat the Sanin one shot at a time!

Her friends also liked my drinks, all kunoichi are bombshells. They helped me branch out the skills I wanted in everything but fuinjutsu though I'm pretty sure I'm fine without a teacher for now. I'm certainly not gonna go to Jiraiya with all his peace bullshit. What he thinks is peace is quiet warfare in my mind. I read his books, the ones on philosophy are dreadfully naive for someone who survived this wars. The smut is also subpar in my mind, mostly velvet folds bullshit re-edited to a different scenario per book.

The girls are happily helping me right now because Anko told them it would keep me interested in staying in the village. She's not wrong, however once I reach the level I want I'm leaving. I don't care about the plot, I care about survival. This village tries to kill me and can kill me in a thousand ways.

I rattled a few to Anko and I can tell it unnerved her. Maybe I can convince her to see things my way.

Next chapter