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HP X LOTM : Please Call Me Mr. Error.

"When did I sign away my wealth to you!?" Lockhart asked, shocked. "That's the neat part about it, you don't know.", Loki said with a smile. "Hmm...I can feel it. I can feel the power coursing through my veins." Voldemort said as he felt his face after his rebirth. "Huh? Where's my nose!!!?" "Obviously, I have it! Do you want it? If you want it you need to praise Dumbledore!!" Loki said with an innocent smile. "Lord Voldemort does not need to listen to yo- Dumbledore is the greatest wizard of all time!!" Voldemort said with fanatic eyes, creating confusion amongst the death eaters. 'What!? Why am I saying this!? What did he do to me!?' "Who are you!??" Dumbledore asked calmly. "Me? Have I not introduced myself yet? Please call me Mr. Error." Loki said with a smile while adjusting the monocle over his right eye. Read more about Loki's adventures as he walks through his years at Hogwarts meeting and scamming an array of famous personalities that have become infamed in the world of Harry Potter. ********************************************************** Read 20 chapters ahead on my p@treon for $3 (USD) by going to the link, pa treon.com/hooin_kyoma_au . Remember to remove the space between 'a' and 't'.

Hooin_Kyoma · Book&Literature
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216 Chs

Going Around (2). Wand.

Stepping into the shop Loki was left feeling unnerved.

Not the sort of unnerving that you had before you stood on a stage or the one that happened while you waited for the results of your exam as they were being posted.

But the sort of unnerving one had when they realised that they had swum too deep into the swimming pool and they would be out of breath if they tried to swim back up and would drown.

His breathing hitched as he felt like he was being picked apart and analyzed but Loki stood his ground.

But then as soon as Snape stepped forward and covered him by arriving between him and the something else analyzing him the feeling vanished.

'Or did it shift?'

Stepping out from the darkness behind them was a crazy-looking man who seemed like he hadn't shaved in a few days. Grey stubble dotted his face along with the rather long greying hair that covered the bald spot on the crown of his head.

His eyes were like two full moons, white, glassy and sparkly.

The man spoke in barely above a whisper yet his voice was heard clearly by both Loki and Snape.

"Hello, young one. Here to begin your magical journey?"

Loki turned around pointedly and looked at the man. But immediately felt a slight suppression which caused Loki's eyes to sharpen, 'He's a Beyonder! And someone powerful! A demigod?'

"Haha…yes…" Loki said awkwardly trying to compensate for the weird chill he was feeling running down his spine.

'Why does it feel like I am being dissected on the table of some mad scientist.'

'And since when did Beyonders become as common as cabbages!? Especially a demigod?'

'Is everyone related to Hogwarts a Beyonder?'

"I'm here to get myself a wand sir, aren't I Professor Snape?" Loki said trying to get rid of his fear by depending on Snape.

Snape looked at Loki's expression and understood what he was trying to do but just nodded silently and offered no warmth.

"Then I shall bring you a wand young man, but remember it is not the wizard that chooses the wand but the wand that chooses the wizard.", Ollivander said with a cryptic smile.

He moved to shift through the endless stacks and series of intricately designed dusty boxes that all held different wands.

With a snap of Ollivander's fingers, the tape measure in the shop began measuring everything about Loki. The length of his forearm, the distance between his nostrils and also the length of his fingers and eysockets.

Ollivander paid attention to it at the beginning, looking at where the tape measure stopped and once he was satisfied with a few measurements, he moved toward the towering stacks of boxes that were neatly arranged in a pile.

'Is he able to figure out what the tape is stopping at by listening to the number of clicks it makes while being pulled out?'

'Crazy…'

Pulling out a box from in between a tall pile without allowing it to collapse, Ollivander moved towards Loki and opened the box in front of him.

"Unicorn hair and Sycamore wood. Common but a trusty companion."

Loki gently wrapped his fingers around the wand but before he could comfortably hold the wand in his palm, Ollivander pried it out of his hands.

"No. No. No. This. This felt wrong."

Moving back to the pile of boxes, Ollivander pulled out a new one and opened the box in front of Loki, "Dragonheart string and Willow wood. A powerful strong companion that will protect you when you most need it."

Loki was allowed to properly hold the wand this time but even he felt a slight dissonance between himself and the wand which Ollivander no doubt noticed too since he snatched it out of his hands.

"No. You don't need something stable. You will do well with something strange. Experimental wands perhaps?"

Pulling out several boxes from the base of the pile, Olivander cleared a bit of space before pushing his hand deep into the pile and pulling out a fancy box that felt comical.

"This is one I made in my earlier days, its core is the tail feather of a Jobberknoll that is housed in Vinewood."

Loki barely lifted the wand when a red spell inadvertently shot through it and blew the pile of boxes up that Ollivander had worked to hard to keep stable.

It sent papers flying along with wands that were displaced from what looked to be their little resting coffins.

"I'm sorry Mr. Ollivander!" Loki immediately apologised and bowed but Ollivander didn't hear him.

"I know what you need! You need something dark, something loyal and something no one else would like to touch."

Not thinking anything of his maddened rambling, Ollivander walked into the exploded pile of boxes and pulled out a regal white bone box that had the engravings of several scary cloaked creatures on it.

Opening the box and serving it to Loki Ollivander looked at him with intense eyes.

"Bone?" Loki asked confused as he evaluated the pointy wand presented to him.

But seeing Ollivander not respond Loki turned toward Snape who promptly nodded signifying there was no need to worry.

Loki cautiously wrapped his fingers around the white bone wand and for a second there was nothing, no dissonance, no sparks shooting out, no explosions, everything seemed remarkably normal.

But that was only for a second.

Soon after the room was drowned in a cold unnerving atmosphere that pulled everyone inside it into a depressed mood. 

Loki saw Snape frown and Ollivander's smile deepen but a feeling of dread was digging deeper into his own heart.

Yet in all this depression there existed a warm feeling that kept them alight and wake.

It took a while but the depressing feeling slowly vanished and gave way to the warmth, bringing back the jolly atmosphere that had been built while Ollivander was searching for wands that would suit Loki.

Ollivander, still looking at the wand Loki was holding, spoke in a calm tone.

"It was a wand that had been passed down to me by my father. I don't know how long it has remained in my family, but I do know what it is made out of."

"What is it made out of?" Loki asked as he felt the depressing atmosphere retreat into the wand. "It feels so depressing, yet, warm? Like a rainy day paired with hot tea?"

Snape paid attention to the detail too since he found it rather amusing that a wand could be so depressing yet comforting.

"It would be since it is made out of the bone of a dementor with a unicorn core. It is an Error. Two components that would generally detest each other, working together.", Ollivander explained and handed the bone box the wand had stayed in back to Loki.

"An Error?" Snape questioned.

"Yes, the Dementor this bone was taken from was being experimented on. It was trapped in a box with a Patronus charm for the better portion of its life until then. Given its immortality, the experiment caused it to lose its mind. Yet its captor did not release it. And used it to perform a ritual by bathing it in unicorn blood."

A sombre silence different from the depressing one that had lingered in the air until now filled the shop but Loki's curiosity broke it, "What happened then? What happened to the man doing the ritual? What happened to the dementor?"

"The dementor unable to die was isolated by the ministry until it was fit to return to duty in Azkaban when it was found."

"And the man?" Snape asked.

"From the stories passed down in my family it is said that out of his various experiments with death, he became its ruler. Well mostly that is.", Ollivander said with an amused smile.

"Mostly? What happened to the rest?" Loki pointed out.

But Ollivander did not respond verbally instead he chose to silently point at the bone box Loki was holding.

Loki felt disgust at holding the bone box but did not drop it.

Paying Ollivander his seven galleons Snape exited the shop with Loki in tow.

"Have a nice day Professor Snape." Ollivander let them leave with a soft greeting.

Returning to the street after exiting the store Loki was glad that the noises all around returned. It had been too quiet in the store for his taste.

"Are we going to get a pet next Professor Snape?" Loki asked politely.

"No. Hogwarts does not provide funds for a pet."

"Are you sure Professor? Or do they not pay you enough that you need to steal funds from my-"

*SNAP*

Snape hit the back of Loki's head with a rolled-up sheet of newspaper causing him to sit in the middle of the road, holding his head while looking at Snape accusingly.

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