Chapter 0013 - Emotions

Wednesday, October 5, 1994, 18:04

"Has there been any notable events since the last time we met?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

"Yes, two," I replied sharply.

"Would you like to talk about them?"

"No, not really," I said before the room became silent. "I found out why Penelope was ignoring me."

"Do tell."

"She's found someone else and no longer wants to be involved with me. And I also gave the ring away."

"Let's talk about the first event? How does it make you feel that she no longer wants to be involved with you?" She asked, looking at me with a shocked face.

"At first, when I found out what she did, I was angry. I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me. Just for a moment, I wanted to watch the world burn. I wanted to set the world alight. After that, I felt nothing. She meant nothing to me. It was as if we were strangers passing each other on the street."

"I guess that is progress. Now tell me about the second event. What was going through your mind when you gave it away?" She said this while jotting something down.

"Well. It happened in the heat of the moment," I said after giving out a sigh. "Astoria and I were talking, and she said something, and I just gave her the ring. I realised the ring was anchoring me to the past and wasn't allowing me to look to the future. It means a lot to me, and I know I could never replace it, but it felt right to give it to her in that moment. Since then, a lot of my more negative thoughts have been fading. I feel like a new person."

"That is excellent news to hear," she said, giving me another surprised look. "Just a curious question: has the ring returned to you?"

"Why would it return to me?" I asked. "Is there anything special about the ring?"

"It is not my place to tell you about the functions of that ring. I am here to help you," Madam Pomfrey said while taking off her glasses. "I have good news about your prognosis. Would you like to hear about it?"

I nodded yes.

"You are a natural born talent for the mind arts. It seems like your talents sway more favourably towards shielding your mind than reading others."

"Wait, you're saying I'm a mind rapist," I said, shocked.

"That is a very crude term. We prefer Legilimens instead. In essence, it is the same thing, but today we are focusing on your occlumency. Have you ever wondered why you are able to remember the deaths of your parents so vividly?"

I shook my head.

"The first step to creating a barrier around your mind is to clear it. This can be done via meditation or something similar. The second step is to arrange your memories. What is memory?

Memory is a complex cognitive process that allows humans to store, retain, and recall information and experiences. It plays a crucial role in shaping our identities, learning abilities, decision-making, and daily functioning.

There are four types of memory. Short-term memory is responsible for holding a limited amount of information for a short period of time, typically seconds to minutes. Long-term memory involves the storage of a vast amount of information over a longer period, potentially for a lifetime. Explicit memory involves consciously recalling facts and events. Implicit memory involves unconscious memory processes, such as procedural memory such as skills and habits.

Memory abilities can change with age, with older adults typically experiencing some decline in memory function. Physical health, mental health, and lifestyle factors can impact memory and how well you retain them. Emotional experiences can enhance or impair memory formation and retrieval.

Some people decide to arrange their memory in chronological order. Some like to arrange it like books. They section off their minds and allocate memories to their new sections. Some decide it's best to put the most relevant memories first and the rest in the back and try to forget about them. Some may put the memories with the strongest emotions at the forefront of their minds.

You have subconsciously arranged your memories based on the strength of the emotion behind them. The grief, the anger, and the longing behind the memories of the death of your parents have enhanced it so much that you remember it in so much detail that it has outwardly started affecting your life. The ring did not help you in any way. In fact, it made it worse. It acted like an anchor, forcing you to remember those events in every single waking moment of your life.

If you had come to me a few months later, I fear you would be lost in your own mind. You would have become a husk of your former self, only living for one purpose. You would lose all your emotions by only acting in a strict, methodical way. It would be as if you became a golem and only acted on your pre-programmed directives. It is no way to live." 

"Wait, what you're saying is..."

"The Percival we know today would die and be relaced by an emotionless piece of flesh and bone. I can help you heal and help you reduce the effects of those memories. However, the first step starts with you. Are you willing to let me help?"

"Let's say I did everything you said. What would happen to me?" I asked. "This current Percival."

"That depends on you," she said while looking into my eyes. "Ultimately, you decide how you turn out. You could become a better version of yourself or become a new Percival; the decision is up to you."

"What else would happen to me?"

"Nothing detrimental, I believe. If we manage to complete everything we set out to accomplish, you will gain better memory recall, better cognitive processing ability, better emotional processing ability, the ability to shield your mind, and the ability to select which memories affect you."

"What does the help look like?"

"We would start by undoing the subconscious emotional arrangement and arranging your memories in a methodical manner. The undoing has to be done in one sitting. You can choose how you want to arrange it. After we do that, we will face those memories head on and try to overcome them as best as we can. We will use a mixture of wards, potions, and rituals to make you experience them again and use them to help you grow. Then, we would begin to form your barriers and form countermeasures so no one memory or emotion could have that effect on you ever again. If you are willing and we have enough time, we will begin your Legilimency training."

"Can I think about it?"

"I suggest you come back to me next week with your answer at the latest. If you do want to go ahead with it, the sooner we start, the sooner your panic attack stops happening."

"Thank you, Madam Pomfrey."

"You are welcome. I'll see you sometime before next Wednesday."