7 CH 7 PAINTINGS ARE BITCHES
so half of this was written when I decided to take a break and the rest is after so i kinda wrote a different personality hope its not THAT weird.
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"i better not be harboring a human inside my system..." harry mumbles as he goes to sleep
-- Hogwarts letter day --
waking Harry quickly changes clothes and calls out for chimpy.
"chimpy!"
with a POP chimpy appears in his full glory.
"master called?" chimpy asks happily.
"do you know how my Hogwarts letter will come today?" he asks, while he decided not to go the whole hiding route but he really wanted to know how he'll get his letter.
"masters letter...? OH masters letter gets received in a mail box in a random muggle town to not disclose the potter castles location to anyone, we'll go and check the box everyday and bring the letters to you." chimpy says dutifully, first semi confused until he remembered there secure mail system.
"so the letter wont get where i am... hm guess I'll get a few weeks before dumbledore notices anything, or his little spy notified him so it doesnt matter." harry mumbles to himself.
"you can go know chimpy that was... informative." Harry dismisses chimpy now that he had his answer.
so he had a 40% ish chance that dumbledore won't know shit about him not being little lamb harry but a 60% chance that he already knows... hmm yeah im not gonna care if he knows he knows.
leaving his room he goes eat breakfast and then finding a random elf cleaning a beautiful lady's painting, he asks him for directions.
"hey do you know where i can find a exit i got some tests to do."
before the small elf could answer him the painting that lost its groomer decided to go ape shit crazy.
"HOW DARE YOU PEASANT DISTRACT MY SLAVE FROM HIS DUTY!" the painting screeches.
"wow lady... wait did you just call me a PEASANT? fuck you bitch i am not no peasant." harry was not going to take shit from some dead... if hot... lady.
"HOW DARE YOU PEASANT CALL ME A... whats a bitch...? WHATEVER THAT IS HOW DARE YOU! MOMPY GET THIS PEASANT OUT OF MY SIGHT THIS INSTANT!" the painting screeches out her demand.
the elf hearing the paintings command goes deathly pale hearing his charge command him to do a elves greatist sin.
"MISTRESS CANNOT COMMAND MOMPY TO HURT MASTER HARRY!" Mompy yells showing a surprising amount of courage at the painting.
*GASP*
as if the world was over that its commands weren't followed the painting looked at the elf in surprise and in deadly seriousness it starts talking.
"how... dare you... ignore my... COMMANDS! YOU STUPID SLAVE GET THAT STUPID PEASANT OUT OF THIS CASTLE THIS INSTANT!" after a second of deadly seriousness the painting goes back to screeching.
"fuck you painting, Mompy tell me where the exit is and then destroy this bitch... *looks at the name plate* lucretia potter... hmm burn it or do with it something it'll hate." harry had enough of the bitch and just tells mompy what to do causing the painting to become deathly silent.
Mompy hearing harrys command looked down and then at the painting.
"master Harry... us elves arent allowed to remove any potter paintings..." Mompy tells Harry with regret.
"HAHA DUMB PEASANT FOR I AM IMMORTAL!" lucretia regains her energy at mompys response.
"wait what? that's dumb... if you guys are tied by stupid rules... fuck do elves all have stupid rules?" harry asks while ignoring the painting, thinking it through Harry couldnt help but imagine all the annoyances that rules mere existence could cause like for example he decides he wants to do something and asks the elves to do it but they cant because some stupid past law prohibits them.
"master we elves are servants of the potter castle... sadly we have many restrictions as we arent actually directly tied to you but were directly tied to the castle but your magic does feed us ." Mompy informs Harry.[1]
"well... thanks I guess... whatever ill do it myself just tell me where the exits at." harry says while using his elemental control to shoot fire on the painting.
"what do you mean yo-" before lucretia could finish red hot flames cover her whole beautiful curvy body dripping down her body as if something... nsfw was happening... except with red hot flames.
*background screaming*
*GASP*
"MASTER HARRY KNOWS WANDLESS MAGIC!" Mumpy completely ignoring the painting releasing... oddly erotic screams... yells out in excitement at seeing wandless magic coming from his master.
"yeah yeah very cool now tell me about the exit ive been asking for this past *thinks of the time* half hour." Harry still annoyed at the painting answers sarcastically.
"oh the exit! follow me master!" Mompy responds still excited about the possibility of his master knowing wandless magic.
following Mompy through the castle harry finally gets outside and with a wave he dismisses Mompy leaving him to never again be seen... lol.
walking around in the wide open field Harry opens up his system and slaps his head in amazement.
"My dumb ass wanted to check out what the dodo inator does... forgetting the fucking egg... Mompy!" harry yells out.
*POP*
"MASTER BE CALLING?" Mompy yells out happily.
"i need a egg get me one." Harry commands Momy while taking out and playing around with the razor robot.
"right away master Harry!" Mompy says as she disappears.
*POP*
waiting a little harry puts back the robot and takes out the discord mod fedora, he puts it on.
"so... how does this work do i just say stuff like Dumbledore cannot enter his dressing room for eating lemon drops?" harry calls out experimentally.
-- Hogwarts --
Dumbledore looking at his to plain of a robe he decides to change it up into a nice bright purple with bright yellow stars.
"yes... wonderful my genius sometimes frightens me..." Dumbledore mumbles to himself as he twiddles with his beard.
heading towards his room he walks past Minerva walking around getting ready to send out the hogwart letters.
"hmm Minerva be sure to send me Harry's letter its of the outmost importance that nobody... and i mean nobody, finds out young Harry's home." dumbles tells Minerva as she walks past, happy in his knowledge that his loyalty potions were still in effect.
"ill make sure of it albus." Minerva says in her thick Scottish as she continues on her way.
as soon as she disappears around a corner he also continues on his way but not without dropping a quip.
"ah how naive have witches fallen... trusting anyone not to drop a bit of potion in there tea." dumbles mumbles happily.
rushing towards his chambers albus gets inside his room in record time for he had to do something mighty important!
walking up to a door that looked weird as it was full of decorations only the creator would love, he opens it up to showcase a run full of odd and even horrendous robes littering a surprisingly huge room.
"ah my baby's come to papa." dumbles cries happily as he takes a step inside... except not for as soon as his foot touched the room he was flung back hitting a wall and losing consciousness... sadly a elf was quick to arrive.
-- back to Harry --
finding that nothing happened... and feelong dumb for expecting to know if something happened harry puts the fedora away.
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[1] okay so this kinda retcons Harry's beginning but whatever, hopefully I'll remember to change it into something different that won't retcon shit.
okay so ive noticed ive subconsciously been writing house elves as 'its' im gonna work on changing that comment if i write it to fix it,
thanks for the support on this ff, i dont care for powerstones i honestly check for comments or collections so if you support the work please comment gacha ideas or add this to the library.
(showing status:
NAME: harry j. potter - SKILLS:(ACCIDENTAL MAGIC-AMATEUR)(cosmetic - freeze walk - master)(elemental control - master) - GACHA TOKENS: 5 - BLOODLINE: (EXPERIMENT 8 BODY) INVENTORY:(hydro silk robot)(Aframax oil tanker)(Discord mod fedora)(nut of annoyance-17)(Apple of knowledge-5)(box of truth)(dodo-bird-incubator-inator)(dildo panty-4)]
