33 33 - In a tragedy you die, in a comedy you get hitched

<div id="i4c-draggable-container" style="position: fixed; z-index: 1499; width: 0px; height: 0px;"><div data-reactroot="" class="resolved" style="all: initial;"></div></div>There is no emotion, there is peace.

It's still quite a walk. Palpatine isn't so overconfident that he was right under the Temple. We pass through access tunnels, old avenues, through what originally may of been plazas and open spaces, past old rusting machines and long forgotten dwellings. All around us there is movement as the dwellers down here investigate and keep pace with us as we interlopers from the surface realm invade their territory. They are held back by fear. Each of us carries a blazing blue brand to light our way. We are Jedi. Almost everything else down here is less scary than us. Almost everything. As we approach the escort peters out until we are alone.

Jedi are respected. The Sith are feared. However, there is nothing to fear. I concentrate briefly. Shayla and Idun are two hundred light years away and increasing. They are safe.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

I know why I am here. Train a better Anakin. Make sure the Empire never happens. Which means today I face down the modern incarnation of evil because the Jedi upstairs are not taking my claim seriously. Along the way I have learned about the Force and myself, what I told Anakin all those years ago about what makes someone a Jedi Master. No more tests, no more zen offs and although there is always more to learn I really don't have that much time to cram in a quick life lesson.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

We walk across an old boulevard towards an ancient structure. The darkness is closing in, threatening to overwhelm the light from our lightsabres. Never mind. I can 'see' perfectly fine with the Force. Our destination has certainly seen better days, probably better millennia. For a moment I feel sorry for old Sheev. You were rejected and had to fall on well, whatever letter of the alphabet this plan is. You could have called it a day, but no. Driven by hate you have to go on. Labouring away in this underworld, far from the light, the adoration and wealth. Consumed by a desire for revenge. Well, it will all be over. Perhaps then, even you can rest.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

Now we are on the footpath. There is an almost palpable pressure radiating from the building. The Dark Side. It has left its mark on everything. The metal is rusted and warped, the flagstones pitted as if by acid. The strange growths and fungi that has replaced any garden glow with an eerie light. Does he even notice this? Does he regard it as a small price to pay for all that power? Or is that he simply does not care? Personally, I take the friends, comrades and family over whatever the Dark Side can offer.

We are at the door. Do we knock? It would be polite, after all. The door opens revealing nothing but darkness beyond. To enter means death. To never see Shayla or Idun ever again. We enter.

There is no death, there is the Force.

It is a short walk through the antechamber, a short hallway and then we are in a massive room. Luminators along the walls are visible but do little more than provide a dull gloom. A large staircase dominates the centre leading to a mezzanine. Instead of some tasteful statuary, chandeliers and a well panelled dance floor there are twisted structures about a large sickly green crystal, like a parody of dancers waltzing about some central ornament. Descending down the stairs is Sheev Palpatine. The Emperor.

I read about Luke's confrontation with the wizened Emperor in a comic book, those getting to us a while before the film did. Even though I knew the outcome the movie still blew my mind. If Yoda was my go to template for good. The Emperor was it for evil. Many agreed. Sheev doubles appearing everywhere. The original is still the best.

Of course, the man approaching us is not McDiarmid hamming it up but the real deal. An honest to God evil sorcerer high on evil, rage and his own ego.

"Well, well, well. Jedi. I am surprised. I thought it would take much longer for you to discover my whereabouts." says the monster as he walks.

"Sheev Palpatine? As a duly appointed representative of The Jedi Order, Planet of Coruscant and the Galactic Republic I hereby order you to cease any and all Dark Side activity and to come quietly." I say.

"Oh well, that's it then. Good job Dee-Jay." says Anakin.

"What if i do not wish to come quietly?" snarls Palpatine.

"Then there will be, trouble." I say.

"Are you going to use your Jedi weapons?" says Palpatine as he walks forwards, right hand raised.

He has reached the bottom of the stairs. I switch off my weapon.

"No. Last warning Sheev." I say.

"We're not using our lightsabres?" asks Anakin in an aside.

"No, not me. You can keep yours on." I reply.

"I hope you did not expect this to turn out like that charade with that fool Windu." says Palpatine as he unleashes his signature electro death rays.

I raise my left hand and step forwards. The crackling energy diverts into my hand harmlessly.

"Master Windu is wise. He did not attack." I reply.

Several of the twisted structures rise and are hurled towards us. I feel a pressure as the Dark Side probes my body, looking for an opportunity to snap, crush or tear me apart. With simple gestures Anakin and I deflect the missiles while keeping our bodies intact.

We are a few metres apart.

"You fools are no match for the power of the Dark Side!" screams Palpatine and an almost visible wave of evil crashes over us.

For a moment I hear them screaming, pleading. I blink it away.

"Really Sheev? That's weak. Try this." I say and project some old memories. Nothing special really, just an ordinary day on another world, another Galaxy.

I watch as the monster's eyes widen in terror at the sheer ordinariness of it all.

I also bat away the statue he tries to drop on me.

"Yes Sheev. Every day. Nine to five. Total nobody. And I loved it!" I say as we advance on the retreating figure.

However, the monster rallies and hurls red death at us.

"Stop calling me that!" he screams.

"What Sheev? I can't hear you Sheev. Is that because you're losing to a pair of nobodies?" I say.

There is a scream and a hiss as the monster launches himself at me, red lightsabre on and driving straight at me.

"Die!" yells Palpatine.

I do not dodge. The blade pierces my right side. Palpatine's triumphant grin turns to confusion as my right hand grabs and holds the blade, preventing him from moving it to slice me apart.

"I'll let you in on a secret. I, am not left handed!" I yell in the monster's face.

An instant later that face falls away as Anakin's lightsabre decapitates him. The red blade snaps off. Brutally wounded, I collapse besides the headless body. It's hard to breathe.

"Dee-Jay!" yells Anakin as he falls besides me.

"It is, done." I manage.

"No, you can't die. You have a trick, a plan." protests Anakin.

"I did. Get him, to commit, fully. So, he was, vulnerable. Just required, sacrifice." I croak.

"But."

"No buts. Over. Good job. Sky, walker."

Is it getting lighter? There is no death...

-----

...there is the Force.

I awaken. I am in the void. No pain. Near me is Aurora.

"You are dead for real this time." she says.

I sit up. Check my side. No big hole or charred flesh. Of course, flesh is not a thing here.

"I guess so. No way to survive that." I say.

"That's right. As I promised, your essence is mine now. For all eternity." says Aurora.

"Eternity? So almost enough time for Europe in Flames then?" I say.

"Jokes? Now?"

"Why not? It can't get any worse can it? Unless you have reverted, and it's whips and chains till time stops. In which case, I want a safe word."

"Well Dee-Jay, if that's what you want." says Aurora as a glowing red whip forms. She then smiles. "Not funny?"

"Not yet. Still, we have time." I say.

"Not now. Not for you. As you are fond of pointing out, you are mostly crude matter." she says fading from view.

-----

I awaken to a sense of motion and sobbing. It's Anakin. I open my eyes. I then close them again. First thing I see after coming to is Sheev's face?

"Anakin." I say. No response.

"Anakin." still nothing.

"Anakin Skywalker! Get this bastard's ugly mug out of mine, help me up or I will make you wish you never had been born."

I hear the head being moved.

"Dee-Jay?"

"Yes Anakin?"

"You're alive!"

"Yeah, about that." I say trying to sit up. Ouch. Everything hurts. Serves me right for being mostly dead. Still, no big holes.

"I saw you die. I felt you fade into the Force!" he says.

"Well, let's keep that between us. Makes regular folks nervous." I say.

"So, what now?" says Anakin.

"We drop off the head, then you and I my young apprentice are going shopping for, um whatever it is the Naboo get themselves married in." I say.

The lift carries us back to the Temple.

-----

In the end, I am not booted out of the Order. Seems that if you toss a Sith Lord's head into the Council Chamber before staggering off to bed it sends regular Guardians of Peace and Justice into shock. Well, long enough to catch up with Shayla, propose and organise a small wedding. Just her, myself, our family, her relatives, the several fleets that sort of come with the kids, a pile of Jedi and about half of Theed it seems. Good thing Amidala could swing things and organise a stadium.

Yoda stands in front of me and Shayla.

"Do you Shayla, take Dee-Jay to be your husband. To have and to hold, to love, honour and cherish, till death do you part?"

"I do." she says.

"Dee-Jay. Your wife take Shayla do you. Hold and have, honour, cherish and love will you, until all dead finally, you are?"

Yoda could knock off trolling me, just once.

"I do." I say.

"Then kiss each other you shall. Married you are."

I kiss the bride.

-----

Then it's a matter of speaking to folks.

Some remind me that I still have a job to do.

"So when are you returning to the Fleet. The Confederacy won't magically go away you know." says Tarkin.

"Oh, Anakin and I will be back. Dooku is still out there. Once we get him, hopefully the Confederacy will probably be more willing to talk." I say.

"And cease this nonsense and come back to the Republic." says Tarkin.

"Oh, I don't think that's necessary. They did have valid reasons for leaving. Those will still have to be addressed."

"What reconcile with rebels and traitors? You trust too much."

"It's how I get results beyond imagining my friend."

Others have an odd way about saying thanks.

"The Council are still undecided about you. When they asked me I said we should lock you away until the stars grow dim." says Hera.

"Thank you Hera for the vote of confidence. So, if I do get the boot I take it the Greens are not an option?"

"No! Stay away from us. You Coruscant are the Order's problem. Trust me, no one sane wants you." says Hera.

"Oh woe is me. Lost and all alone in a godless, uncaring universe." I say.

"Oh be quiet Coruscant. 'Lost and alone' is never going to be your problem."

Some have only a few words.

Shmi finds me during a quiet moment.

"Thank you. For keeping him safe." is all she says.

Others may never shut up.

"So what are we doing next Dee-Jay?" asks Anakin.

"Next? We defeat the Separatists, end the Sith and in general be the Guardians of Peace and Justice Knight Skywalker."

"Yeah, I know all that. I just thought you might have some, you know, hints?"

This place is now on it's own brighter course, what do I know? Wait.

"I am afraid you will have to do that on your own. Wait, In a year or so consider taking on an apprentice. I hear there's this Togruta youngling who's quite the handful."

"An apprentice?"

"Or did you want some other advice? For that I can only tell you, be patient, search your feelings and Anakin."

"Yes Dee-Jay"

"Wait till the war is over. People tend to make bad decisions during one."

Lastly, Shayla and I are alone. She rests her head against me. Weddings are exhausting. Let no one tell you otherwise.

"Are you worried love?" she asks.

"About what?" I say.

"The future. Things must be different now than what you saw."

"Oh that. Things went off base a long while ago."

"Really? When was that?"

"I recall it was when I walked into a medcentre claiming to have an infection..."

<div id="i4c-dialogs-container"></div>