161 Confession

Into the silence of the room, Sam coughed lightly. "I'll excuse myself then."

Since he didn't want to disturb the couple in the least, he used the window instead of the door. His movements were surprisingly agile as he climbed outside.

Nathaniel still sat there, stunned by Katherine's affectionate call. Slowly, he exhaled, then a smile formed on his lips. He couldn't help it. Despite the feud between them, he felt so blessed when he heard her voice. It was like she had the secret key to his heart, opening it with just one word and brushing all ill feelings away. It was fascinating.

And yet, Nathaniel forced himself to return to his cold mask after a second. He didn't want to make it too easy for her to apologize or else she might make such a mistake again. That would be awful! Even though he suddenly wasn't sure anymore if his power could really affect her when she was within the bubble of her healing magic.

"Darling?", the voice outside called again, this time unsure. Why was there no answer? Katherine knew that she heard some movements inside.

A bit embarrassed for being lost in thought, Nathaniel cleared his throat. "You can enter."

The door was opened carefully, and the first thing in sight was a bouquet of chamomile and carnation. Afterwards, Katherine peeked in as if she wanted to be sure there wasn't an angry beast waiting for her. When she met Nathaniel's gaze and saw his raised brow, she got embarrassed and hastily stepped inside. "I've got flowers for you."

"I see", Nathaniel replied simply. His tone was neither overly joyful, nor disapproving. "Put them on the table for now."

Flustered by his quietness, Katherine complied. She had expected him to be angry, maybe even showing the face of a demon king again. That he acted so impassive confused her and made her suspicious. It couldn't be that he gave up on them already, could it? She, at least, wouldn't give up on their marriage, though it was half-way forced upon them.

Laying the flowers on the table, she noticed that Nathaniel watched her silently, yet she could read nothing out of his gaze. It was quite uncomfortable, and she suddenly didn't know what to do. Wringing her now empty hands, she took to steps closer to him.

"I ... I am sorry. I know that you don't want to be touched. I even promised you to keep my hands up on the ... up there." she stumbled over her last words and heat rushed into her face as she remembered their intimate position the night before. With her eyes fixed on the floor, she forced herself to continue, but it was like there was a lump stuck in her throat that turned her voice into a whisper. "It wasn't my intention to do that. All I have to say to my defense is that I lost my head and ..."

Suddenly, she looked him straight in the eyes, and there was a deep pain in her gaze as she admitted: "I couldn't help it. I just want you."

Then she gulped and blinked against the mist in her eyes. She had delayed the meeting, hoping that it would make her less emotional, but it didn't help. The silence was just too deafening. Her heart was aching as if it knew it was too late already, and she had to clench her hand over it to force it to persist. Yet her determination didn't diminish. She wanted to tell him the complete truth at least once. Whatever he would do with it afterwards. "I want you and I ... I love you. I love you so much."

There. Now it was out. When she felt tears roll over her cheeks, she wondered what she would do now. Usually, pairs would get married after they said these words or never say them to each other at all. Their engagement had been an agreement, their marriage forced... there was no reason for him to return her feelings.

Despite his affectionate words at the wedding and the night before, she could never forget about this fact. Like Anni once said: there was a big difference between like and love. Just because Nathaniel was nicer to her now, it didn't mean he loved her back.

Afraid of the effect of her words, she had closed her eyes tightly. As strong arms suddenly embraced her and pressed her head against a hard chest, she opened them wide. The breath she took in surprise smelled of coffee and firewood.

He didn't say anything, but the slight tremble of his hand in her hair spoke for itself. She was not rejected. Their time together was not over. The relief broke through her dams, making her cry out loud. Her arms encircled his waist and held him like they never wanted to let go. Vaguely, she heard him mumble soothing words.

For a few minutes, Nathaniel rubbed her small back in a clockwise motion and talked to her until he didn't know what to say anymore. Then, he fell silent.

Inwardly, he was torn apart between guilt and gladness, but the feeling was so painfully wonderful that he didn't want it to end. He was wanted. He was needed by this usually strong woman before him. He was even... loved, though he didn't know what it would entail. The future was uncertain, and he couldn't return her words. Not without chaining her to him more tightly. Though he knew what the feelings in his chest meant, he would never restrict her freedom by voicing them.

Finally, Katherine raised her head, her face wet and eyes red. To Nathaniel, who had never seen her soft side, she looked adorable.

Unconsciously, he pushed an unruly black hair out of her forehead and smiled down at her. Whenever she embraced him, he just felt so glad that he could do nothing but smile.

Seeing this, Katherine was just as stunned. Happiness gurgled up in her throat and escaped in a little laugher. "Does that mean you accept my apology?"

For a second, Nathaniel tried to form a serious face, but failed. With gentleness in his eyes, the smile remained in the corners of his lips when he cradled her face in his long hands. "Looks like it. A certain someone always finds my weak spot. I just can't stay mad at you for long."

Katherine giggled happily and leaned her head against his chest again. Listening to the sound of his heart, she sighed contentedly. Her shoulders relaxed. The conversation had been less horrible than she thought it would be. Actually, her own tension had been the worst of it. Now, she just wanted to hold him in his arms.

Of course, she knew that he didn't answer her. He didn't say that he loved her. This fact made her feel a bit bitter, but she pushed the thought away. What had happened was already enough action for the day anyway. Now she just wanted to hold her beloved, feel that he was with her.

Nathaniel seemed to feel the same, for he didn't pull back. After a few minutes, he only quietly guided her to an armchair and pulled her on his lap. There he embraced her again just as tightly as before. None of them slept well the last night, so it didn't take long for Katherine to doze off.

Nathaniel watched her peaceful face for a while contentedly before his own eyelids dropped as well. He tried to force them open, but to no avail. When their deep breaths filled the room, the smiles still lingered on their sleeping faces.