Such a curse?

chapter 3

He stammered having silken threaded confidence covered by giant fear. I know he expects me to accept him but I grabbed him and kissed. I said; "that's my answer! " he replied; "don't find excuses if you are ready." I just laughed and bid goodbye. I know it's hard for him but I know it will be good if I can further justify my feelings. Who knows? The feeling or emotion I had for him might be the feelings of lust. Anyway, I didn't accept him justifying that I'm still not ready for the relationship but I will keep contacting him until I meet him again.

After exchanging a few conversations with him I got extincted from his sight. I need to travel 98 km again. Lucks started favoring me. Again I got to sit next to a handsome gentleman. I don't know why? He looks more attractive and heart-catching than a man I met before. As we exchange conversation I was happy to hear that he is from the same district that I am from. I breathed with excitement and smiled at him curling the lips. Can I tell you all something? Honestly, the feelings of love started accumulating much more than it grew for the man who helped me before.

The bus proceeded to move and halts for the lunch. It is the time that two of us share the same table as I shared with the previous man. I saw some weirdness in him but I am not going to tell you what it was. For this man, I didn't hide my feelings about beliefs I started growing in him. Do you want to know what he said to me? He said; " okay. Let's be in relation but I need a girl who is dedicatedly faithful." Since he wanted a girl who can faithfully love him, I wanted to be the girl who he dreams of. I got his account and the contact to kill the displacement. I mean to keep tight contact.

An hour of continuous travel I reached home. In life, happiness is yielded only for a short period of time. Similarly, I got to retire from the specific happiness that I felt when I was with him. Now I don't feel about the previous man. I'm not making any mistakes because I am listening to what my soul wants and my mind needs. He demanded a night with him and I cheerfully accepted because I trust him as I did trust the man who helped. But he turned weird and made me no more virgin girl.

He promised several times explaining that he will never leave me. However, I felt some changes in him. Certainly, the changes which I never want him to strive. In life sometimes people make us change which we are not ready and sometimes they don't let us change even if we want to. Subsequently a few days I chatted with him; "Hey, honestly I don't want to be in relation. I'm tired of pretending to be okay when I'm really not okay." He replied; "Haha, you are thoughtful and appreciate you for being able to recognize your own capability. For your kind information, we are never started. I repeat we didn't start" I heard most people saying love is poisonous and toxic but I would say it's our choice that made it toxic. I realized the love of the first man as nectar and because of the second man I realized love as suffocating toxic poison.

Though my connection with him didnt last long I have another man whom I can apply my u trust. He is the man who can love me to the fullest.

My dear reader, am I flirty? Do I deserve such a curse?