9 Chapter 7

The black gloves worn over my hands do not sit well with me, but while the tattoo on my biceps can be covered by clothes, the ones in the centre of my palms cannot be covered. So whether I’m within the academy or out of it, I have no choice but to wear gloves.

Steven wants to hide the fact that I’m an Elementality, that’s what people like me and my ancestor are called. A one of a kind conjurer with powers that is beyond one’s imaginations. It’s my fourth day, and I’m back in Amelia’s study.

She’s once again seated in front of me with a clipboard and a pen, legs crossed over one another as we stare at each other in silence. I notice she isn’t in a cheery disposition unlike yesterday, and wonder who pissed in her teacup. “So, Steven told me of what you guys did yesterday.”

“Did he now?” I ask, snorting.

“Look, I want to be here just as much as you do Coral.” She sighs, uncrossing her legs to lean forward. “But you can’t bail on having this therapy session and I can’t bail on actually helping you.”

“I thought we agreed on tort off the light?” I ask, my tone sarcastic, and her face fixes into a hard glare.

“Try as you might, you can’t avoid facing your problems. Now you can either quit the smart ass replies and be serious here or you can continue to joke around and I walk out of this session. I’ve hard a crappy day and would like nothing more than for you to give me a reason to kick you out right now.”

Taken aback, I blink a couple of times as I stare at her, unable to come up with a response. “Are psychiatrists supposed to be this snippy with their clients?”

“Can we just focus on the main issue here?”

“Fine,” I reluctantly concede, a grumble slipping out of my lips. “What do you want to know?”

“Let’s start with the night of your parent’s death, you witnessed it right?”

Sucking in a harsh breath, I nod. She didn’t even subtly ease into the question.

Unconsciously I wrap my hands around my body as my knee starts to bounce, the feeling in the study has gone from tense to claustrophobic and I wonder why it’s suddenly so hot in here. Pulling at the collar of my shirt, I shift uncomfortably on the couch.

Raising my eyes I was startled to see Amelia watching me inquisitively, and frown in puzzlement.

Slowly dropping my arms, I fold them on my knee and look down. “And your fear started from that day?”

“Yes.”

“Can you describe how you feel whenever faced with the sight of fire?”

“Fear I guess. Blurry images of that night flash in my mind and then it becomes harder to breathe. Before coming here, I used to have nightmares, though I could never seem to remember the content of my dreams whenever I woke up.”

“Okay, this is good progress. Why don’t you explain to me how you feel immediately after you wake up from one of your nightmares?”

I hesitate, thinking about it for a long minute, before responding. “Pain. My heart races and I’m always out of breath, and there’s this heavyweight in my chest that feels like it’s being dragged down by something. It feels like someone tied my heart to a large boulder and dumped it into the middle of the ocean. It’s really,” I frown, thinking of the best word to describe the feeling. “Uncomfortable.”

“So, basically, you felt pain, burdened, and suffocated?” she asks, to clarify, and I nod. She jots down in her journal like she always does before asking.

“You say the images that flash within your mind when you're having a panic attack are murky correct?” I nod once again, raising my eyes to stare at her. “Do you think they appear that way because subconsciously you don’t want to remember that night?”

“What do you mean?”

Leaning forward she sets aside her journal and starts to explain. “Usually, when people are traumatized they experience what doctors call PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder. It is a mental illness triggered by witnessing or experiencing terrifying events. And some of the symptoms usually include nightmares, flashbacks, severe anxiety and uncontrollable thoughts about the traumatic events. Listening to you talk about your anxiety, I think your most likely suffering from this illness.”

“So,” I swallow thickly, my stomach drops in fear as the words “mental illness” continues to ring in my head. “Are you saying I’m going crazy-”

“No, of course not.” she reassures softly, staring into my eyes when she says. “You aren’t going crazy.”

Leaning back, she keeps up her journal once again and sighs. “You mentioned earlier that you haven’t been having nightmares since you arrived is that correct?”

Nodding, I lean back as well. “Yeah. I haven’t.”

“Why do you think that is, I mean in the past few days since you arrived you’ve learnt quite a shocking amount of new information about yourself and family, and surprisingly you seem fine?”

Shaking my head, I think about it as well and frown. “I don’t know, I mean each day has been overwhelming since my arrival but I think I’ve been able to handle feeling a little stressed just fine.”

“Really,” She asks sceptically, raising a brow. “Because rather than handling it I think you're avoiding it. What was your reaction when you first learnt about really were?”

“Scepticism, shock, fear, and terror. I was sceptical about Steven’s sanity when he started explained things to me,” I smile, shaking my head at the memory. “Shocked when things started to seem like a reality, fear that he's not joking around. And lastly terror. But that’s mostly because I’d unexpectedly had to watch a male create a ball of fire in his hand for the first time.” I shrug, glancing up.

Amelia stares at me with pursed lips and narrowed eyes for a few minutes before she spoke, slipping off the glasses perched on her nose she uses the ends of her pink top to clean the smudges before slipping them back on her face. “Do you want to know how I felt when I first found out I was adopted into a family of elemental’s?”

Hesitating, I glance at her bare hands before nodding.

Arriving yesterday, one of the few things I’d noticed about Amelia was the lack of tattoo, but it just seemed rude and a little inappropriate to ask so I never did. Not even after Steven and I left her place.

Placing her hand beneath her chin, she crosses her legs and placed her elbow on the raised knee. Tapping her chin, she begins with a low hum in her throat. “I was adopted by my family when I was like five, not too old but not young enough to not notice the strange things happening at home. Adopting me into the family had been quite an ordeal for my parents, and even till this day I’m not sure why they went through all the trouble, but society rules stated that if they wanted to bring a human within the confines of their home I had to be informed of everything. It was a shock, honestly to have my suspicions be confirmed when I was age 8.”

She holds up 8 fingers to show me just in case it wasn’t clear. “I don’t think I talked to them for over a month because of the fear I’d felt, my small brain had analyzed over and over again why they adopted me, or told me their secret, or even try their hardest to ensure I never felt like an outsider in their home.”

“What did you do after they told you?” I ask, leaning forward in curiosity.

“What else avoided them.” She snorts, a smile playing on her face as a faraway expression settled in her eyes. “My imaginations ran crazy when I thought about what they’d do to me now that I knew their secret, and once I even tried to run away from home but got caught by one of my sisters.” She chuckles, shaking at her head at the memory. “But after weeks of analyzing and driving myself crazy, I decided to stop avoiding them and just ask.”

“And,” I press, wanting to find out more. I have no idea why I feel so interested to know, but I guess it just feels nice to not be the only one talking about myself. “What did they say?”

“Nothing,” She shrugged. “They said they just wanted me to know because they didn’t like keeping w was a secret. I was sceptical of how truthful they were for a few days, but once I got used to having a family with powers, I became a little kid excited to watch them use

it.”

She snorts, and I couldn’t help but smile. Turning her focus back to me, she becomes serious once again. “My point here Coral is that I didn’t push aside the emotions I felt over learning their secret into a corner in my mind and decided to just move on as if nothing happened. If I did, I don’t think I would have turned out completely sane. My family too, they gave me space to digest and come to terms with the new information pushed upon me, which gave me a bit of breathing space to accept things the way they were.”

Tilting her head, she regards me in sympathy. “But that’s not the case for you Coral, and I don’t think it will be for quite a while.”

Looking down, I run my tongue over my lips and bite down on the lower one.

Running a hand down my ponytail, I take in a deep breath before responding. “I’ve always pushed aside things that made me uncomfortable in a box in my mind, it made me feel safer and a lot more calmer to… avoid what was troubling. Every time, I promised myself that I’d deal with those problems when I’m ready, but I don’t have any idea when that time will come.”

“Hmm,” She sighs, nodding. “How about we try to open that box right now. We can tackle your issues one by one until later, you won’t even need it anymore.”

~*~*~*~

The rest of the week flies by with me shuffling both meditations with Steven and therapy with Amelia. I haven’t seen either hind or hair of anyone except Steven and Amelia and the occasional strangers I see whenever I go out on a stroll in the morning. I don’t know if Steven asked them to give me space but I’m grateful from the reprieve.

Dana and Micheal don’t seem like trouble, and I know for a fact that Dana constantly checks up on me at night when she thinks I’m sleeping, but Rae is a whole ball of energy I don’t have the strength to deal with.

Therapy has been great, for lack of a better word. I never knew how much worry, fear, anger, and pain I’d been holding back until I started to unlock my pandora box.

We tackled issues on my life as a kid and how I’d always felt alone before my step-father arrived, we talked about how angry and upset I am with my mother for not ever telling me about everything before she passed. How stressed I feel to find a way to cope with my panic attacks before school officially resumes, how I’m baffled over my father’s family tree, how it still feels surreal to know I’ll possess powers far stronger than anyone can imagine.

How worried I am about that, how painful it is to know I’m left to face so many realities without the words of wisdom from my mother or encouragements from my step-father.

Whenever I seek her help relating to an issue, she always told me to have the courage to face the unknown, but I don’t think I have what it takes to be brave right now.

Putting aside my therapy, I’m grateful Steven tries to find time to help me with my meditations deviously busy schedule. And he’s impressed with how quickly I’m progressing. I mean, I’m still using the blindfold because of my fear, but now I feel like there’s a stronger connection formed between me and my powers. I can create flames in one hand now with only having to think about it, can control how large it grows or reduces using my imaginations, and Steven even taught me how to aim it at a target. That one is still a little tricky considering I’m always blindfolded.

It’s Saturday and I was given the day off from both therapy and meditation, Steven has a business meeting to attend to outside of the academy and I was bored all alone at his place so I decided the way down to C&K Mall to watch a movie. It seems has the date draws closer to the academy’s resumption, more students are beginning to appear.

I stood behind a small line at the front desk in the semi-crowded lobby and flinch in surprise when a hand taps on my shoulder, turning to see both Micheal and Rae I wonder why I didn’t just go to the book store instead.

Plastering a fake smile on my face, I start to say. “Hey, long time no see-"

“Save it,” Rae puts forward one hand, cutting me off with a knowing look on her face. “You don’t have to pretend to be happy to see us. It’s been made pretty clear we’re to keep our distance.”

I try to think of an excuse to give, something that would save me the obvious awkwardness slowly seeping between the three of us, but instead, give up.

“I’m sorry okay,” I sigh. “I just needed space and time alone.”

Stepping forward, Micheal flicks the forehead of his twin with a roll of his eyes and she glares at him in pain. “Ignore her, we get the fact that you needed space. We just thought we should say hi when we spotted you over here.”

Nodding, I’m thankful he’s giving me a way out. “Are you guys here to watch a movie as well?”

“Obviously.” Rae snorts, hands crossed in front of her chest and face turned away to avoid looking at me.

Nodding slowly, I hook a thumb over my shoulder and ask, tilting my head to stare at her face only she turns away with a childish huff. “I was going to watch the black panther movie, do you guys want to watch it with me?”

“Hell yes!” She agrees excitedly, a large smile on her face as a small squeal slips out of her lips.

I exchange a look of amusement with Micheal and let her pull me along when she latched on and drag me as the line moves forward.

I spent the rest of the day with the twins, and apart from the movie we also played around at the arcade.

It was really fun relaxing for a while, not thinking about the many issues I’d have to face during therapy or how the days are getting closer to school resuming. For the day, I was just a normal teenager hanging out with her new-found cousins.

After the arcade Rae and I shopped for a little while much to the irritation of Micheal, then we went for a drive through the park and they both tried to teach me how to drive Micheal’s cart. I don’t have a drivers license so the lessons mostly consisted of me freaking out and pressing on the brakes every 5minutes when we hit a bump on the road.

I felt so bad for the countless amount of whiplashes they had that I promised Rae we’d hang out again.

Later at Steven’s, I stood in his living room and stared at the dozen amount of photos on the wall. It’s the first time I’ve ever taken the time to study the place, and I’m a little surprised by how homely the house truly his. I admire the pictures and feel a little weird to see pictures, happy pictures of my parents from their time together.

I mean, I’d always wondered as a kid, but the image had been grainy since I didn’t even know what Steven had looked like before. Besides, I had my step-father and he filled up the missing areas quite nicely.

With it just being a few months since I’d last seen a picture of my mother, it feels nice to be reminded of her face. I pick up a framed picture of her and Steven smiling at the camera while they’re seated inside a restaurant, obviously on a romantic date. There’s another of them standing in the middle of a meadow with a beautiful gazebo in the background.

Dropping it back on the shelf I picked up another and here my parents are having a snowball fight in the woods with Dana, Kingsley, and an auburn-haired woman that strangely looks familiar. I can’t see her face because she has her head turned away from the camera, but I do notice a blue heart-shaped pendant around her neck.

Setting the picture back on the shelf, I take a look at the rest of the pictures and most of them have Steven being surrounded by people am guessing are a part of the extended family because of the similar Piaget eyes some of them seem to share. Done staring at the pictures I turn in place and stare at Steven as he stood behind the counter chopping on some onions.

“When did you learn to cook?”

“When I was in high school, I think we were in our sophomore year when your mum decided she wanted to teach me. After we separated, I continued learning even though she wasn’t around.”

Well, that’s one info I’ve gotten about my parents without it being from someone else’s mouth. Feels a little refreshing to hear him talk about her without a cloud of sadness hanging over our heads.

“What about you?”

“Mum also taught me before she died, it was something we used to do together just the two of us. I guess it was her way of trying to spend time with me since she was always busy with work.”

I smile as I remember all the fun times we spent together in the kitchen, she started teaching me to cook a few months after an incident with my step-father and a childhood therapist. And though the time we spent together was short, it brought me a lot of solace during my struggle to overcome everything that happened after those six months.

I never knew nor appreciated it when she was alive, and it sudden whenever when I realize we’ll never be able to spend time like that ever again.

Shaking off my wandering thoughts, I move to stand next to Steven behind the counter and fold my arms behind me. “So, what can I do to help?”

“Well, you can start chopping the butter squash in the fridge into small cubes first, I’ll tell you what else to do when you're done.”

I move to do as I’m told but he quickly stops me with a hand on my shoulder.

Naturally, I should have shrugged it off, but for some reason I let it stay, and judging by the surprise in his eyes I can guess he’d also expected me to withdraw like I always do.

“Ohm, can you put a pot of water to boil, am thinking of making butternut squash pasta with toasted breadcrumbs?”

I give him a mock salute, getting to work. As we both move around the spacious kitchen and quietly cook, I start to relax without even knowing it. Steven, Dana, and I made light conversation during dinner and we all had a few laughs in-between, but when we were done we both cleaned up before going to bed.

In the privacy of my room, I let myself smile, truly smile, and think maybe being here wouldn’t be so bad after all.