5 Chapter 5

Its 12 o'clock and I am sitting at my terrace, a cup of milk on my hand, my sweater feels so comfortable, but my mind is not at ease, my mind is all jumbled up, just thinking of how a twenty three years old me will appear in court for something I am not even aware of. And I haven't even had time to mourn my dad respectfully. And my mom just mentioned we are to lay my dads' corpse to rest tomorrow being 26th of February, my dad passed on the twenty third of February, and it makes me sad to think that I haven't done something beautiful for me. My dad fought for me one time at school, I smile at the awkward memory, as I remember the shock written on the faces of most of the parents as my dad stood up to another parent. But my smile drops as I recall my loss. "He's not here" I whisper, the wind making contact with my thick hair, and to think I thought he would never leave, maybe we would stay forever. But now he is just a memory, tears begin rolling down my cheeks, and my hand begins to quiver. It pains, especially when I think of what I can't do even as a citizen with a lot of rights.

I angrily gulp down my milk in one go, and leave the veranda knowing tomorrow will go by in a blur. I just wonder how busy my mom is going to be today, with less than four friends and a stigmatized daughter to help. At least they are more than enough as those friends are real.

I remember my best friend. And sometimes when I think of her bossing me around I feel like maybe I am wasting my time in the wrong relationship. My eyes get wet as I think of what I have gone through in the hands of so called best friends. Just what did I ever do to deserve every form of injustice I have been getting? Tears begin rolling down my cheeks and then unto my pillow as I find rest in darkness.

"it's nothing like that" my mom's friend says as she consoles my mom. It's the D-day today, everyone is dressed in black, and the whole place is so quiet, just the way mother wanted, a few of daddy's colleague came and dropped condolence envelopes, making it obvious that their coming is just out of official duty, mum cries so hard, her sobbing turns to wails, as dad is being lowered into the sand. I can't console her at this moment, as she has friends around, I am in tears today, because of my dad and something else, I was standing and minding my business when someone sneaked a paper into my hands. I opened it and I felt like wiping my whole existence off the face of the earth. It read "murderer!! How does it feel to be framed by one" someone did something evil, knowing I will be the one to pay for the crime he/she committed. I vowed to save it, knowing now it is a murder, maybe even planned by a group of people. And the stares I have been getting can't I just mourn my dad's death in peace, why do they have to look at me like I am a torn in their flesh, all their looks of disdain are being recorded in my head, making it hard for me to breath and even think clearly. But I have to say though that as I stand in the midst of all the forced wails and crocodile tears, I have gotten a courage, that permits me to live my life, that permits me to become someone in life who matter, that permits me to be an anchor for my mom not withstanding my condition. As I walk down to where my mom is squatting, I feel my blood boil in anticipation. Something is coming, something big is coming, and despite what it is, no matter the new kind of pain, no matter the new look of disdain, no matter the new form of allegation, I vouch myself the winner. I will eventually in all my brown skin glories evolve strong and once I do, they'll hear. For as long as I live black life will matter, and I don't care if I am the only black left to uphold it, but I will make space for my kids. So I put my hands into my gown pocket, and bring out the piece of paper. "I'll give this to my lawyer" I mutter and sit on the soil close to my mom with fresh tears coming from my eyes as I see the last of my dad. My mom looks at me with tears in her eyes and then stretches out her hand and grabs mine in hers, I tighten my hands in hers just to reassure her of a forever companion. I smile in the midst of my tears, and speak through my tears. "I will be strong for us daddy, and as I promised you years back, no one will have that chance to bully me".

I look around and notice that a ot of people have piled out of the open space, and knowing no one will be able to come to my house as per moms request, I make haste to gather our things and put myself in order. Just as I was about to put the last of the envelope into the bag I have been putting it in, a shadow falls over me. And as the shadow forms fully I look up.

"I am sorry for your loss" the stranger says, I get up and dust my gown getting rid of any imaginary dust. I come in contact with my own lawyer. "Donald" I say. He nods, and then proceeds to bring out a heavy looking envelop from inside his suit jacket. "whatever may be, even if I hate you, I hate bully more" he hands the envelope to me, and in all his handsome glory smiles down at me, no wonder he's been awarded most handsome amongst the circle of year two girls.

"I will take my leave now" he says.

"When will I see you again" I ask. He turns back and looks at me in disbelieve, like he couldn't understand a word I say.

"I don't like you. Don't forget that" he says, then puts his hand in his pocket and gives me his firm's card.

"Already!" I scream. "You're not even done with school just yet". He walks away, no comment, but believe me when I say it looks so hot when he walks away. Shame right?.

My hands begin itching me as I let reality dawn on me. "I will soon be taken to court" although no date has been set, I am fully aware of the fact that this whole court thing just got serious. With my eyes still on my mom I walk slowly with the bag filled with a lot of envelops, kneeling beside my mom, I begin patting her shoulder, but still it seems like she just can't see anything, even though the whole event have already been concluded, to her it didn't look like, because her eyes were still quite steady, staring at what lay ahead of her.

Suddenly mom turns toward me and wipes her tears, getting up she smiles and says. "let's start afresh shall we?". Who am I to reject her proposal, when I am more in need of it than she does. I just wish we can travel already, but I guess for someone in my predicament it's going to be so hard.