2 Ch. 1: If I have to do it, I'll do it.

HER SIDE OF THE STORY [KONA'S Point of View] Moans have been filling Calix's room. His hands were travelling my bare body while his lips were busy kissing mine. I am currently losing the last bit of my sanity as his hard veiny shard was savoring every portion of my feminity. "Ah.." I looked at Calix's face. I was about to caress his face when he then spoke again, "Mariela.." The smile that was written all over my face suddenly fade away and I felt a stinging jolt in my chest. What was I even thinking? I was trying my best to keep myself from tearing up. We've been doing this routine several times now but no matter how hard I try to get used with our situation, it still pains me whenever he says her name while fucking me. After what we did, I just silently laid down beside him and we both stared blankly at the ceiling. None of us dared to talk. It was too quiet that I can even hear my own heartbeat. Minutes later, I stood up and took my clothes that were scattered on the floor. "Just spend the night here, Kona. My parents aren't home anyway. I can just tell your parents that we need to finish some projects for school." I wore my clothes and just smiled at Calix. "Nope, it's okay. The hero shouldn't be sleeping with an extra character, right?" I cheerfully reminded him. I tried my best refraining myself from crying and smiled at him. He stood up and stared at me but I kept my composure and stood my ground. No matter how much I want to stay, I should know my place. "Kona.." I took my bag and stood up. Before leaving I threw a final glance at Calix. "I'm going home now. If you suddenly miss her again, just give me a ring." When I saw that Calix was about to say something, I closed the door and immediately went out of their house, ignoring the house maids that were greeting me on my way out. I walked as fast as I could until I reached our house. When I went in, I saw my parents in the dining room, obviously waiting for me. I went up to them and kissed them both on their cheeks. "You're home, Kona. Join us for dinner." My mom pulled out the empty seat beside her and gestured me to seat down. I'm sorry mom and dad, I don't think you would want to see your daughter become a total wreck right now. "Oh, sorry mom, I had dinner with Calix already. I'm going to my room now. I still have to finish my project." I didn't wait for a response from them and just went upstairs. The moment I closed the door of my room, I bursted into tears. I cried like it was the first time this ever happened to me. I cried like I didn't put this on myself. I cried like the loser that I am. I cried because I'm nothing but trash, nothing but a replacement. I knew this the moment I got engaged to this situation but it still pains me. I'm still so hurt. Calix and I were bestfriends since we were just little kids. We grew up together, did things together, get in trouble together and everything. We know everything about each other. We were literally inseparable. The two of us live close to each other so whenever we want to meet, we just go to each other's houses. Our parents were close friends as well so our family were always together. We treated each other almost like siblings until one day, I started having feelings for him. I never thought that I would end up falling inlove with Calix, my own bestfriend. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't find a way to stop myself from having feelings for him. I started treating him differently. I began seeing him as a man and not a brother or friend. I started giving meaning to everything he does and how he treats me. I didn't notice how deep I was falling. I didn't want to risk our friendship so I never had the courage to tell him how I feel. I just kept it to myself and filled my head with illusion. Until reality hit me hard in the face. That love was only one sided. One day, he introduced a girl to us. Her name was Mariela. I can't even remember how hard my chest throbbed when Calix said who she was in his life. She was his goddamn girlfriend. All the hopes I built up came crashing down on me. I was at loss for words and I couldn't think properly with what Calix has told us. I didn't know what to say, or how to react but one thing was for sure. I was hurt. I was deeply hurt. A kind of pain that I didn't know existed. Pathetic questions started popping in my head. My mind was getting filled up with jealousy and hatred. I hate her, I hate her so much. Why does it have to be her? Why can't it just be me? Why can't we be more than bestfriends? What does she have that I don't? I always thought that we were just the same to Calix so why does it have to be her? Then I realized one thing she has that I don't. She has Calix's heart. Calix was inlove with her as a woman, not unlike me.. Calix loves me as a sister, as a bestfriend. Nothing more and nothing less. "Kona, I will always protect you because you are the sister I never had. We're gonna be bestfriends till we die." Every day, I just silently watched the two of them. I was quietly hurting every time they were together, every time they were happy. I was even selfish enough to wish for their break-up. But I never thought it would come true. Mariela broke up with Calix. As evil as it may sound, Calix's pain was like a dream to me and I know I wasn't supposed to feel happy, but I was. I was so happy because now that Mariela is gone, I thought there could be hope for us. I thought I had hope, that I would be the person Calix will love. But no, I was wrong. [AFTER THE BREAK-UP] I was busy answering my work sheets when I heard my phone ringing. I answered the call. It was Calix's mom. "Konari, can you please come to our house now? I really need you right now." "Is something wrong?" There was a long pause before she answered my question. I automatically knew what the problem was. "It's about Calix.. Just please help us." "Okay, don't worry. I'll be there." Without any hesitations, I fixed myself and left the house. I don't care if that work sheet was due tomorrow, Calix is way more important than that. When I entered Calix's house, His parents; Aunt Helena and Uncle Lawrence were sitting in the living room area. There was a look of concern on their faces and it looked like they had not slept yet. Aunt Helena greeted me with a hug before holding my hand. "Kona, I know that you have more important matters to attend to but I really need you. You are the only one he listens to. Ever since they broke up, he never left his room.. Please Kona, help my son. I can't stand seeing him like this. Please.." Aunt Helena was on the verge of crying. I felt so guilty. While I was so happy, Calix was so miserable. I went up to Calix's room. I knocked and I was surprised when he suddenly screamed. "GET LOST! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!" There was a stinging feeling inside me when I felt the pain he was feeling in his voice but I did not stop and I still knocked. I knocked so hard that he was forced to open the door. "I SAID GET LOST-" He was stunned the moment he saw me standing behind the door. I stared at him. He looked like he haven't slept for days. He was a complete mess. "What are you doing here, Kona?" He asked me while trying to avoid my gaze. "Aren't you gonna let me in?" He looked at his room and turned to me. "I can't let you in a messy room." I just ignored Calix and just continously went inside his room. I looked around and there were bottles and cans of beer all over the place. This was the first time I saw Calix's room in a mess. He was crazy about cleanliness so it was a foreign feeling of seeing his room this way. "Kona.." "We are all worried about you." I smiled at him. He stared at me with a blank expression on his face. I suddenly stopped walking when I felt something under my foot. When I looked at it, I thought it was just some scratch paper lying down the floor but when I opened it, it was a picture of Calix and Mariela. I slowly turned to Calix and I saw his face. "Where did I go wrong? Why did she leave me like this? I did my best to give her all the love she deserves but she still left me. Please answer me.. Where did I go wrong, Kona?" He sat on his bed while his hands were covering his face. I sat beside him and hugged him tightly, he hugged me back and for the very first time, I heard how Calix cry. I went back the next day to bring Calix some foods. Aunt Helena and Uncle Lawrence were on a business trip with my parents and will be back after three days. Aunt Helena asked me to look after Calix because she was sure he'll skip his meals if no one pushes him to eat. I have a spare key to their house and Calix also has a spare key to our house. Without knocking, I continously went inside Calix's room and I saw him lying down his bed. I placed the food on his side table but I noticed that there were cans of beer around his room again. "Calix, let's get you something to eat." I told him. He was just blankly staring at the ceiling and his eyes were as puffy as it could be. I could tell he cried the whole night. "Calix.." I called out to his name several times but he remained still like I wasn't there. I saw him holding his phone and flashed on its screen was a picture of Mariela with another man. "Cali-" "Leave me alone." "You can't just lay down all day. You need to eat." "I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST LEAVE! LET ME BE BY MYSELF!" I clenched my jaw and tossed the food everywhere. After the sound of broken glass, silence filled the air. I can no longer do this, I can no longer be like this. I can no longer tolerate him ruining his life just because of that woman. I can not take it anymore. I don't want him to hurt anymore. Calix stared at me. I was crying while I was slowly unbuttoning my dress. "K-Kona, what are you doing?" When I was completely naked in front of him, I cleared everything in my mind. I discarded all that's left in my dignity. If I have to be licentious to make Calix feel better, I'll do it. I just want him to feel better. Even if it means letting him use me. "Konari, stop this nonsense-" "Touch me." I took Calix's hand and guided it on my bare top. I almost flinched as I felt how warm his hand is. It sent shivers down to my spine. "Konari, what are you doing? You are my bestfriend! This is against our morals-" "Fuck that morals!" I pushed Calix on the bed and leaned over him. I closed my eyes to prevent my tears from falling but I knew I couldn't stop those tears. At this point I'm sure Calix knew where he stand in my life. "I don't care if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I only know one thing, Calix.. I don't want to see you like this. I don't want you to be hurt." My grip tightened on his bedsheets. "Use me as you will." I opened my eyes and with smiled at him. "Why don't you pretend that I'm Mariela?" "Kona-" I did not wait for him to finish what he was going to say and I just gently kissed him. I kissed his mouth that tasted like alcohol. 'Oh no, I just dug up my own grave.' That was what's inside my mind the moment I kissed him. This was my first kiss and unfortunately it was not how I imagined it would be. I wanted my first kiss to be romantic and full of love, but here I am. My first kiss was nothing but just a forced kiss. It was nothing but a kiss done because of desperation and agony. Calix suddenly pulled me and now he was on top of me. He started removing his clothes and I smiled at him. I can see hesitation on his eyes but I held his face trying to let him know that it's okay. He kissed me and it was electric. The feeling of getting a kiss from someone I love feels so good. I was surprised when Calix's hand traveled to different parts of my body. He cupped my breast causing me to moan. I close my eyes firmly. If we're going to do this, we really do this.. there's no turning back. He started kissing me again. I closed my eyes even harder because my mind was starting getting mixed signals. Oh, crap.. when I imagine that we were doing this because of love.. My fingertips are getting cold.. Everything seemed so distant and all I can hear is my heartbeat because I know this is what I've wanted from him for a long time. I want to feel him and I want him to look in my direction. I WOKE UP with the light hitting my face. There was a sudden jolt of pain in my private part when I tried to move. I looked at the bed and saw the blood that was the evidence of losing my virginity to Calix. I slowly wore my clothes and I tried not to wake Calix up. Everything about last night was as clear as day to me. I shouldn't think of anything about it. I was about to leave Calix's room when he called my name, "Kona.." He saw the blood on the bedsheets and looked at me. "Don't worry about what happened last night." "I-I'm s-sorry, I-I d-didn't-" I turned to Calix and gave him an assuring smile. A smile that seemed like nothing was wrong, like nothing ever happened. "Nothing will change, silly. I'm still your bestfriend and it will never change. Just think of me as a replacement for her while she's not here with you. Just like in the movies.. a substitute to the heroine." I smiled bitterly, "Don't worry, I won't demand anything like a real heroine." I went out of Calix's room and that's where the tears came rushing in. There, I released the pain I was feeling, but, I know where I stand. I'm just an extra character in this story. Just an insignificant replacement.

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