THE CRAZY GUIDE  

"Is fart flammable?"

"What?!" thought the stupefied Himari.

Her look of confusion grew stronger as she stared up at the glowing NPC that suddenly appeared before her in the thick darkness. This female humanoid-spider being, the first being Himari encountered after logging into this game, had just made quite the first impression with her question.

"Wow. Just, wow. From the looks of it, this is a guide. Big Sis did say that the guides were known to be silly and mischievous. But this one might actually be an idiot" Himari continued thinking to herself.

The spider girl continued gazing expectantly into Himari's eyes.

"No... she's actually expecting to answer that?" Himari asked herself.

"I could easily find answers on my own. But I've always wanted to ask a human." the spider girl continued.

"Well... there was one who'd gladly answer that..." Himari sighed sadly as her thoughts sunk into her past. But she was suddenly jolted by the uncomfortable proximity of the spider girl's face.

"Woah!!! Personal space is a thing, you know? She yelled out as she jerked backwards, literally keeping the spider girl at arm's length.

"Like, aren't you supposed to introduce yourself first or... Something?" She continued with a frown.

"OH! That's right! Forgive my bad manners." the spider girl responded while straightening up.

And with a smile, she added while holding out all six hands, "I'm DD4234506".

Himari eased up from her defensive stance with sigh.

"She may be stupid, but she's still a guide. It won't hurt to act nice." Himari advised herself in her mind.

"Well, that's one long-ass name. Pleased to meet you DD4234506...err which hand do I shake" a now bland looking Himari responded while stretching out her right hand.

"You're one funny spartan. And you easily memorized my ID. Impressive." DD4234506 giggled as she shook Himari's hand with one of her right hands.

"Not sure about funny, but memorizing numbers is one of my superpowers." Himari boasted with a smirk.

"For short, you can call me DD. I will be your guide in your journeys and battles. On that note..." DD drew in a long deep breath to yell out, "Welcome to Aurum Web of Warriors, young fartan."

Himari's smirk quickly faded.

"She's either really stupid, or really smart and just knows exactly how to get on my nerves." Himari thought with clenched jaws.

"You mean, spartan. What's with this disgusting obsession with fart anyway?" she asked DD while trying her best to keep calm.

"It's the one thing that intrigues me the most." DD answered.

"No, no. I didn't want you to answer that. Are you broken?" responded the visibly disturbed Himari.

"Of all of the human body's functions, it is the most fascinating..." DD continued.

"Ok... please stop. We are NOT having the conversation." Himari interrupted.

At this point, DD's eyes lit up as she gazed past Himari into the distant darkness that surrounded them both. "...the variety of sounds and scents that can be produced. The endless possibilities. The different reactions and facial expressions they invoke in others..."

"She's a lost cause." Himari thought as she rested her face in her palm. "Whoever programmed her is a lost cause."

"...and this, my dear young spartan, will be your first skill. Make sure to develop it into an ultimate weapon. I will be conducting further research to discover many possible ways to use this skill. Flammability for example." DD continued.

"What?! No! What is wrong with you?! Don't go making that my first skill!" Himari yelled as DD opened up her skill panel and typed away.

"And we are done with that." DD calmly responded as she closed the panel.

"You didn't... Ok you know what? I'M done. I'm logging out" retorted Himari as she flung her hands upward.

Suddenly, big sis Naa's voice echoes in Himari's mind.

"No matter what, don't you dare chicken out. Or you'll answer to me when you get back."

"Anything but that" Himari thought. "I wonder why I never succeeded at running away from this house. They serve good food though. That's probably why, she continued"

"Ugh! Fine! But I am NEVER using that skill.", she said firmly as she pointed at DD.

"Hmm. I doubt that" responded DD

"What do you mean by that?" Himari asked.

"You'll see." answered DD with a smirk.

Himari narrowed her eyes and took in a slow deep breath.

"So, do you have any gaming experience?" DD asked.

"No" Himari answered, looking away.

So, you're a total noob then.

"Huh?" Himari made eye contact again, with a frown.

"It's not an insult. That's just the name assigned to noo..I mean, first timers" DD responded

"That was intentional, wasn't it? You really do enjoy getting on my nerves."

"Busted." DD shrugged. "You're the first human I've met so I might as well have fun. But you being noob doesn't change anything. Your survival in this game, depends on how well you are able to develop and use your FYBER to your advantage. That's all you need to know now. The rest will come as you go. There will be no tutorial. That means you'll have to hit the ground running. But feel free to ask me any questions you want." DD added

A calmer Himari's hand shot up. "What's this fiber? Is that a Kill la Kill reference or something?"

"So you're one of those who watch anime from two centuries ago? And it's F-Y-B-E-R, an acronym for Figment Yarn of Brain Energy Reserves." DD answered.

"PPPFFT...WHAT?" Himari bursts into laughter. "Does that even mean anything? That's a word salad!" she blurted out through her laughter.

"In simple terms, your power of imagination." DD responded.

"Ooh ok I see what's happening here. I bet the acronym was created first, because they thought it sounded cool. Then what it actually stands for, was an afterthought. Hence, ...the word salad... I can't!" Himari broke into laughter again with that last sentence.

"I didn't exist at the time the concept of FYBER was conceived, but that does sound plausible." DD nodded multiple times in agreement as she waited for Himari to get all that laughter out of her system.

"So, what do you mean by 'power of imagination?" Himari asked after taking a deep breath.

"Exactly what is implied. Your mind is linked to the system whenever you log in. So, whatever you imagine can materialize if certain conditions are met. For instance, the things you can create at your current level are only limited to your survival, like armor and weapons. They'll also be strengthened as you level up in this game and you'll have lesser and lesser restrictions." DD responded.

"Interesting. So, what you're trying to say is that if I imagine something that I want to materialize in this game, I'm more or less placing a creation request that the system can accept or deny depending on my level, right?" Himari asked again.

"Exactly. You and the system are co-creators regarding whatever you imagine. Also, players aren't the only party with limitations. The system cannot act on anything you imagine until you will it. It does not have access to your mind unless you allow it. Of course, the same applies to your subconscious." DD answered.

"Ohhhh. That means my thoughts can't be read unless I allow it... Well, that's a relief." Himari sneered, resting her chin on her fist.

"That's right." DD responded

As Himari thought for a while, a look of worry grew across her face.

"Hey, there's no such thing as mind hacking, right?" she asked.

"Hmm? Are you insecure? Do you have any guilty pleasures you don't want others to find out?" DD raised an eyebrow and mimicked Himari's posture.

"Tch! Privacy is a thing, you know?!" snapped Himari.

"Calm down." DD chuckled. "I was only teasing. Mind hacking isn't possible." she continued.

"I'm talking to an AI spider girl... character that almost seems annoyingly human. You think I wouldn't worry about that, if this conversation is happening?" Himari asked.

"No matter how advanced technology may be, we still can't catch up to the human mind. It has its own security system that no one has ever been able to bypass. One of the many things that make me think a super powerful, intelligent being was responsible for your creation." answered DD.

"What's this? Does she believe in God?" Himari thought.

"I-interesting." she eventually responded.

"It looks like your mind is at ease now. We shall proceed then. But before that, as your guide, there are 4 ways I can appear to you and interact with you. The first is this current form. The second..."

DD's body disappeared, leaving a floating head. Himari backed up, screaming till her back hit an invisible wall.

"Hmm... Well, the third..." DD continued and completely disappeared this time,

"Thank God." Himari sighed.

"But wait... the third is just your voice?" she asked.

"Exactly." DD responded.

"And as a fourth option, I can switch between the 3 forms as I see fit." she continued.

She switched forms as she spoke. Himari screamed, immediately covering her eyes as she saw the floating head.

"Why is this even an option? Could you just not do the floating head?" Himari asked.

"I see the floating head upsets you. The floating head it is then." DD calmly responded.

"ARE YOU CRAZY??" Himari snapped again.

"Just kidding. Would you like me to switch between this form and the voice then?" DD asked.

"Y-yes. That would be fine. But no floating head!" Himari firmly finished, pointing a finger at DD.

"Floating head it is then" DD responded with a slight smile.

"AARRGH!!" Himari screamed as she threw up her hands.

"Just kidding. It's so much fun teasing you. Don't bring it up if you don't me to use that form." stated DD.

"Fine. I won't." Himari responded.

"There are other forms that will be unlocked as you level up. But we will leave that for later. Lastly, do you have any wishes as to where exactly you would like to land? Any specific coordinates?" asked DD.

"The coordinates Big Sis gave me...wait did she just say...land?" Himari thought.

"7 and 49... and what do you mean by land. Aren't players just teleported to their starting points?" She asked.

"7 and 49" DD repeated as she looked down. "Hmmm. Interesting" she continued.

Himari tried to follow DD's gaze in the darkness. Her eyes widened when the truth suddenly dawned on her.

"H-how high are we?"

DD smiled "I have no need for drugs. Plus, I don't remember you sharing any with me."

"Quit fooling around! You know exactly what I mean!" Himari retorted.

"Don't fret. I greeted you as a 'spartan'. It's what we call players when they start this game. Why do you think we do that?"

The darkness begun to fade, revealing clouds.

"WHAT THE..." Himari looked down and noticed they were moving about 45,000 feet above the ground.

"I'm holding us both with my FYBER right now. This is the only time I am allowed to actively support you. Beyond this point, I will only observe and provide you with info on your stats, and few warnings here and there. In a few seconds, I'll dematerialize. Meaning, my FYBER will fade as I. You'll have to quickly learn how to use your own FYBER now. Remember what I said earlier about hitting the ground running? I meant that, more literally than figuratively."

"WHAT?!!! She looks up at DD hoping for her playful response. "Y-you're kidding, right?" she asked as cold sweat run down her back.

But DD had a deadpan face that made Himari gulp.

"Great. We're right above your starting point now. Don't worry. At your current level, you can't do anything to change your trajectory. As to whether you land safely or not, that's totally up to you. Make sure you survive this fall." DD ended her last sentence with a smile that looked both sweet and frightening at the same time.

"YO! She really means it! This is bad!" Himari thought to herself.

"See you downstairs, young spartan. Hopefully in one piece!" with those words, DD started disintegrating.

"WAIT...NO!!"

Suddenly, the air around Himari begun to compress, then...BAM!! With a powerful repulsion blast of an invisible force, she was shot at rocket speed through the clouds toward the distant ground. The shockwave produced left large holes in the clouds.

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! THAT STTTUUPID SPIDER GIRLLLLLLLL!!!!" Himari screamed, speeding head-first toward the ground.

"She didn't tell me she was going to shoot me! What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" Himari's thoughts raced as her view of the ground speedily grew closer.

"What is that?" She thought, as she noticed clouds of dust forming on the fast-approaching ground.

In a micro second, she could begin to see through the clouds of dust. Thousands of agitated beasts were racing across the rough rocky terrain in one direction. It immediately dawned on Himari, that she was speeding headfirst right into a stampede.