Face behind the mask

chapter 1

Dear ....

Do feel like you need to hide behind a mask everyday.

I feel as though that it is something that I have been doing while growing up because of all the expectation that's been put on me it is suffocating.

when you are the oldest your expected to be perfect to set an example for your younger siblings and sometimes you just want to scream.

It's really stressful just thinking when there is a parent- teacher interview is coming up, there are thoughts in your head like " please be a good report" , " I hope I get a good report" It's the type of thinking that you would have and you wouldn't know how to reach out to anyone even if there are others saying that you can ask for help if needed but there is always something stopping you from being heard.

Throughout life there have been moments where i have felt left out or felt distant from everyone around me, like there was a barrier put up between me and friends and between me and family as well.

I feel as though there are many relatable topics that most people would have in common with one another but just don't know who the person is.

I know that there are people who are specialised with this type of stuff but it is hard to make a connection when what they are doing is something they have gotten from books and studies.

like for an example when you go to school there would be people that a student counsellor that are there to help you when needed but because your familiar to stuff like this you would just shrug your shoulders and say "never mind" like it has become a habit.

It is not something that you can explain or something the other people would understand it's something that is just there and you don't know what you should do, and if you keep to yourself person like me you wouldn't mention to anyone even to your closest friends.

It's become a hidden within a memory