11 Uncertainty

As I lay in E'Lara's bed, with her wrapped in my arms, I watch the sky go from light blue and partly cloudy to red and orange blends until finally darkness. I do not want to leave her, especially since I finally know how she feels about me. If I had doubts before, I do not have any now after what we just spent the last couple hours doing. I have now started a battle with myself, even though I know which part will win. As much as I do not want to go I know I have to. As the night grows later I finally give up, deciding that the soon I go the sooner I will be back.

"I love you, E'Lara. I promise to always protect you, even from myself." I whisper in her ear and nuzzle her neck, inhaling her sweet scent of orange peels and spice before I slowly slid my arm out from under her head, gently letting it fall to the pillows, and I quietly gather both our clothes as I descend the stairs.

As I get dressed, I decid to leave a note for her even though I doubt she will think I left and will not return. I grab a note pad off the desk in the office and write, 'I love you and I can't wait to be in your arms again'. I also state that I will be going to my apartment to check in on Lucifer before I return. I quickly and silently walk back up the spiral staircase with the note and her clothes. I gently drop the clothes on the foot of the bed and prop the note up on the nightstand against the lamp so she would see it if she wakes up. I smile and softly kiss her forehead before leaving. I still make my rounds in the shop to check and double check to make sure it's all locked up.

I cannot help but worry about her while I am not around to protect her. I guess she was right about me being the brawn and her being the brains. I should probably teach her how to defend herself. Even though I will teach her self defence, I am still unsatisfied with leaving her alone.

As I wander around the bars looking for these foul beasts I cannot help this feeling I need to go back. At first I assume it is just because I miss her but as I look around I realize something is amiss. It is a Friday night and with the hour being close to midnight I should have to make a decision as to which monster is worse and in need of death. My eyes go wide and I believe all color drains from my face as I realize there are less than a handful of monsters that I have encountered.

"Please, for once, for God's sake, don't be there. Please at least let me make it in time, please, God." I take off running, as fast as I possibly can, to the book store, hoping I am wrong.

When I finally arrive, about 25 minutes later, nothing seems out of place but than again, I know better than most that there is no such thing as normal. I walk slowly towards the door, watching everything around me, especially the shadows, to make sure no one has been here. I stop at the door to listen for any noises but I do not hear anything. I slowly unlock the door with the key E'Lara had given me in case I returned before she awoke. Silently I open it, making sure I do not hit the chimes above the door. Until now, I had not used the key but I felt I had to check on E'Lara. As silently as a shadow, I walk through the book shelves, dagger clutched in my hand and my heart racing. I check in the office but find nothing out of the ordinary so I quietly climb the stairs to the apartment. It is more like a loft except it is not visible from the store. I search every inch, even the cupboards and refrigerator. I check out the windows but do not see anything. I make my way through the living area and down the hall toward her bedroom, checking the bathroom as I pass it. At her bedroom door I stand and listen, after not hearing anything for a moment I open the door slowly but only enough to peek my head in and look around. Once I am sure it is clear I slip in and peek through the blinds but still nothing. I look over to the bed at E'Lara, I cannot clearly see her features but I know she is safe by her aura.

I return to the office and begin to pace, I truly thought myself insane to believe something was wrong or that something had found her, hurt her. Then I realize I had not gone to see and care for Lucifer before I returned. What if the feeling was for him and not E'Lara? Again, I panic and leave as quickly and quietly as I can. As soon as I close the door and lock it again I run.

"Lucifer, you better be alright. I can't lose you." In less than an hour I stop in front of my apartment building.

When I look around my panic rises even more. With my trusty dagger still clutched in my hand I enter and ascend the stairs cautiously, half expecting someone, or something rather, to jump out at me. I am also hoping that if something did happen, Lucifer got out or at least is hiding and will jump into my arms when I get inside. I live on the 3rd floor so the longer it takes to get to my apartment the more I panic. When I get to the 3rd floor I can see that my door is cracked open, there are things broken and spilling into the hallway. I hold my breath, clutch my dagger in a defensive position and move closer. I slowly push the door open and look around, my entire place looks as if a hurricane has blown through it. I wonder what the hell they could of been looking for because at first glance it does not look as though anything is actually missing, except Lucifer at the moment. I walk around and try to avoid anything that may give away my presence, just in case whoever did this is still here. Once I look around and know for sure no one is here I start my search for Lucifer.

"Here kitty, kitty. Lucifer, baby, it's clear to come out. Please come out, I can't lose you." I was not speaking too loud because I did not want to scare him more if he is still here.

I walk to my room and check the window in case he may have gotten out that way but the window is closed and unbroken. I look under the bed and what is left of the dresser. I am about to give up and accept that he is gone when I suddenly heard the faintest meow from my closet. I did not think to check it because the doors have been broken. As I move closer I call to Lucifer. I realize as I remove the broken door pieces, whoever did this must have kicked them inwards which meant they did not see the hidden doorway that leads into a crawl space. I move the broken pieces and pop door open and Lucifer rushes into my arms, shaking. I had put a custom cat door in for just such an occasion as this. It blends in with the hidden door which blends with the wall, only way to see it is to inspect the wall itself. He never seemed to have an interest in it even though I showed him how to go in it many times, but he obviously is smarter than I give him credit for. I hold him against my chest and nuzzle into him, ecstatic to have found him and that he is unharmed.

"Don't you ever scare me like that! You know I can't live without you, you little devil!" I scold him as I scratch between his ears, right on this orange triangular mark, I am so glad he is not hurt.

I sit for a few minutes simply holding on to him and loving on him until he seems to calm down and stop shaking. I then began looking through my things stored in the crawl space. I have a small shoe box with photographs from my childhood, some with my adoptive parents but most of them were photographs I had taken myself. They are of the forest that was behind my childhood home. I have some old weapons as well, I only use them for specific purposes but mostly I keep them as reminders of where I started. There are a few new weapons I have not had a chance to put to use yet, mostly because I have not wanted to part with my daggers. I grab my dark blue duffle bag, which was originally at the top of my closet before the break in, and start putting everything from the crawl space into it. I go to my dresser, what is left of it anyway, and shove what clothing I can into the duffle. I scoop up Luc again and go to the kitchen. After about 10 minutes of rummaging through the mess I manage to find a few cans of cat food. I open one up and set it in front of him on the counter, the rest I add to my bag. At first he does not want to eat, but after much cooing and loving on him for a minute I was able to get him to eat. As he ate I search for anything else I my need, as I look around and move some things I realize I do not have anything other than Lucifer that is of any true value to me. There are no photographs on the walls or anywhere else. I have one lounge chair, a side table and a television that rarely, if ever, gets watched. The kitchen usually is bare at best and my bedroom only has the bed and a nightstand with a small lamp on it. There is nothing homey or cozy about it. Then I start to think about E'Lara and her apartment. She has photographs of her and her family, knickknacks and trinkets, colored walls, and most of the furnishings have some sort of homey and earthy vibe to them. I smile at the thought of her wrapped up in her comforter with her aura shining bright and happy. I look to Luc and see that he has decided he is done so I put the bag by the door and go to the bedroom to close the crawl space. When I return I scoop up Luc and call the police. I know they will not be much help but if I do not call them, someone else will and I simply do not want to deal with all that bullshit.

It took the officer about half an hour to finally show up. She looks exhausted, her aura mimics the look on her face. She is a few inches shorter than myself, she has long blonde hair pulled back into a loose bun and sad, drooping brown eyes that have specks of gold around her pupils. I lied and told her I just came from work and found my door open. I do, however, tell her that I have already looked around and that nothing seems to be missing. She asked a few more standard questions then left. I grab my bag and Luc then close the door as best I can before leaving as well. When I do exit the complex my anxiety has me cautious of every movement and noise around me. I have Lucifer bundled up in my trench coat and clutched against my chest with the duffle bag over my shoulder.

I am so paranoid about what happened and the possibility of someone following me I walk a round-about way back to the book store, all the while looking over my shoulder and trying to figure out what I am going to do now that I do not have a place to live or anywhere I can take Lucifer, there is no way in hell I am giving him up to anyone. E'Lara is my only hope at this point, I just hope she and Luc get along and that she is not allergic to cats.

I silently creep into the shop and make my way up to E'Lara's apartment. I stop at the door and take a deep breath as I pray to the gods above to please let this work out in my favor for once in my life.

"Here goes nothing, buddy. Please be nice and behave. I really want both you and E'Lara in my life." I whisper to Lucifer as a pet his head.