78 Part LXXVIII

"This is an awfully quiet walk and that's strange since it's with you." Zara says and I sigh forcing a small smile.

"Unusual happenings seem to be the order of the day lately, don't you think?" I respond and she chuckles.

Huh? Zara chuckled at me? I guess I'm making progress.

"You wanna talk about it?" She says as we turn into the library street and I finally let my guard down a little since there's no one in sight. Aside my unsettled mind, the fear I felt walking through the streets of this kingdom was just a complete weigh down on me. They all kept looking and whispering but in a few eyes, there wasn't just hate. Fear joined in. I'm guessing it's because of the scene I made during the ritual, now they fear me because they don't know me.

Oh well, that's not too bad because I feel the same way. I don't know me either and it's scary as hell.

"It's nothing serious," I respond to Zara, "I just had a slight quarrel with Sean."

"Oh, couples fight."

"He just always has something to hide." I decide to open up to Zara a little, "The whole mystery thing is just eating me up like worms and even if I try to understand that he's only 'protecting' me, there's only so much I can take." I say using my fingers to air quote 'protecting'.

"I'm always in the dark, always the lost one that doesn't understand a thing and I can't take it anymore."

"What do you want to know?" She asks when I finish and I cock an eyebrow.

"Not much," I say sarcastically, "only EVERYTHING."

She stays quiet and I realise that I sounded a bit rude.

"Zara," I say calmly and sigh, "I didn't mean to be rude but all this is just overwhelming. I'm sorry."

"A royal shouldn't apologize for everything and definitely not to everyone." She says without anger or contempt in her voice. "There's still a lot you have to learn but I'll tell you one thing." She stops walking and turns to look at me.

"Don't let your thirst for light lead you to an even thicker darkness."

She turns away immediately and opens the door to the library, entering with a smile on her lips directed towards Jana. Its then I realise we already reached here and I shake my head before entering, trying to rid myself of disturbing thoughts.

What darkness could knowledge actually take me to? Whatever it is, I'd prefer a knowledgeable damnation to blissful ignorance. This ignorance isn't even a tad blissful.

I walk in and as usual, Jana has a book in her hand and her glasses are sitting on the bridge of her nose but eyes are fixed on us. She closes the book and places it on the counter, sitting upright and smiling slightly.

"I don't know if I should be happy to see you or not." She says and Zara laughs lightly as we get to the counter.

"You know your happiness knows no limits when you're with me." Zara responds and Jana scoffs playfully.

"Well, I thought the next time I see you would be just your head on a spike with dried blood drooling from your blue cold lips and your eyes a complete dull white colour matching your pale face while..."

"Enough Jana!" Zara says and they both laugh, making me want to laugh too but I hold it in. "To think that you of all people would imagine me in such horrid state, I'm hurt."

"You're hurt?" Jana feigns surprise, "if only you let me finish. Queen Crystal, is it?"

She turns me and I smile nervously but try to keep my queenly comportment.

"Yes Jana." I say and she smiles.

"Ah!" She looks at Zara then back at me, "the runaway queen knows my name, I'm honoured."

"Don't make her uncomfortable Jana." Zara says and Jana chuckles.

"Trying to play nice now after your acerbic tongue almost got you in trouble?" Jana asks Zara mockingly and she rolls her eyes.

The last time I came here, Zara said really cruel words to me and I ran out in anger only to regret it later on. Although her words were rude and hurtful, I understand them now. She didn't want me going around hiding my scars in shame but rather with pride and courage that's why I'm putting on this flower print short sleeved shirt and black pants with silver flats. It's exactly what I want to wear but beforehand, I'd have worn a jacket over it to hide my scars. Not anymore. I won't hide my strength and suffering. They're what made me who and what I am today.

Considering Sean, I still have to keep the incisions on my legs secret but I am not ashamed of them.

"We'll be leaving now." Zara says heading into the library but I stop her by tapping her hand.

"You can head back now." I say and she frowns confused, "I can take it from here."

"I can't leave you by yourself," she says, "unless you want Jana's ridiculous fantasies to betide. I very much love my head still attached to my neck so please, come with me."

"No Zara." I smile reassuringly, "I want to be alone."

I want to discover alot today and I do not need any distractions. I'm scared as hell, but I need to be alone today.

"But-"

"Twilight." I cut her off, "come pick me up by twilight."

"Crystal."

"You heard your queen Zara." Jana says and picks up her book, "disobeying her could still end up with your head on that spike you're so much avoiding."

"Fine." Zara says after few seconds, sighing subtly, "I'll be here by dusk. Try not to run away this time."

With that, she nods Jana a goodbye and walks towards the door but turns around once she sets her hand on the door handle.

"Before I forget," she snaps her fingers and a book appears on the counter. "Sorry for the delay in return."

My eyes widen as I recognise it to be the history book I borrowed from the library on my first visit.

How do I keep forgetting?! Thank the gods for Zara. She sure is my saviour.

She finally leaves the library and I turn around to face a smirking Jana who's eyes hold so much mischief. She intimidates me for some reason I'm yet to figure out but if anyone would be willing to spare any information, it's Jana.