144 I always envied you

"Back then, your method for making me realize that I can't give you away was working. I also felt something for you. I thought that I could not give away this man who loved me that much," She speaks softly, gazing at the distance as if she could see the past happening right in front of her eyes.

She's been hurting Kiyohira and he has done the same to her knowingly or unknowingly. Neither of them trusted each other.

"But... I couldn't think that anyone could ever love me. I never thought that I was good enough. It seemed logical at that time that your heart would waver and you would be with Chisa. She was more beautiful and capable than I was. I don't have a college degree. I can't hold a respectable job either. I can't live the life of the socialite that the wife of Kamiyama Kiyohira should live. Your grandmother didn't approve of me either. It was easier to believe that you wavered and started wanting someone else."