8 Her confession

It's better to have loved and lost than to have never experienced love.

~Humeyra

HUMEYRA'S P.O.V

I had a feeling that I would be heartbroken today. I might never see Hamdan again. For the past few days I have spent every moment missing his smile, his voice, and his wise comforting words. I miss him. I never told him about my health condition because I didn't want him to pity my condition when I confessed my love to him. I wanted him to not feel obligated to stay with me. I wanted him to stay with me simply because he wanted to stay with me as a lover and not a care giver.

I prepared myself to meet the love of my life for may be the last time. I sent Aisha to him and Alhamdulillah he didn't disappoint Me., neither did she. I have come to trust Aisha with some parts of me since she was the only person I have to rely on whenever I was too weak to move.

I wore a very sexy dress under my baggy and opaque black abaya.One of the peaks of being a wealthy person was that you get to buy whatever you wanted for whichever occasion. Alhamdulillah. This doesn't make me a spendthrift though because I understand that Israf (extravagance) is haram. I then wore my signature black jalabib and board a cab to one of my hotels where I was going to meet the guy who made me feel after I thought I never would. I felt nervous since I was going to meet him and pour my heart out to him. I would be vulnerable to him again for the second time, I thought but it's a risk I have to take. All along I felt that what am about to do might cost me a lot. The truth is I was shaking inside. Though I have lost some of my hayaa, I had some in me still hence confessing to Hamdan was not going to be very easy. I prayed to the almighty to not take my soul unless he is contented with it.

The cabbie took off after I got off and headed for the reception area where I was told the room was ready. I left my best friend swabir who happened to know me since childhood to stay guard as I went up to the presidential suite that I had reserved. There I found the coolness to my eyes Hamdan waiting. Allahu Akbar.! He looked debonair in his three-piece suit that he took my breath away. His black silky hair was neatly combed and styled on his head. His beard was neatly kempt and I have to say, I was suddenly feeling so hot that I had to sit down.

I heard him give me the salaam to which I replied very quietly I doubt if he heard me. He had his gaze lowered as always as I just sat back and checked him out. He brought me out of my day dream by clearing his throat and started to talk. Astaghfirullah.

How have you been Humeyra? I was told you wanted to see me. Is everything alright?I looked up at him, took a deep breath and began my confession.

Bismillah. I am fine Hamdan. I needed to tell you something before you go back home to wadia. "Go ahead. Am all yours," he said. I wish you were mine, I thought out loud. "Excuse me, did you said something?" He enquired. Ummh, no. I didn't. "Oh, alright. You might continue Humeyra."

I then boldly took a step towards him until we were almost touching and looked up at him. He was at least some inches taller than me hence I had to tilt my head a bit to look him straight in the eyes. I realized that he was somehow shocked that I didn't maintain the distance as I have always done. I swallowed heard and began. I... I.... I love you Hamdan. I have loved you since the first time I saw you. I love you for the sake of Allah and I would like to be married to you. Please Hamdan, don't think ill of me. You are the first man to ever see me vulnerable. You are the only man that I can truly submit to. You make me so desperate for your love. I need you habibi (beloved). Please be mine. I whispered as I finished talking, looking down at my shoes. I didn't have to look at him to know that he was shocked. I could almost feel the wave of heat from his body at such close proximity.

It took a few agonizing minutes which felt like eternity to me for him to answer.

The Prophet's First Marriage

Youth is the period of the blooming of instincts and the emergence of one's sexual' potencies. When youngsters, both male and female, are of -mature age, they are drawn to the opposite sex, and a fire of passion starts flaming in their hearts that will not be extinguished unless they form a union of marriage. It is only in this way that they will find peace of mind. Therefore, to make the proper use of such potentials and to prevent the various deviations that overflowing sexual instincts may create in human societies, Islam has emphatically ordered that the youth should marry as soon as possible and not shun the command of marriage on the pretext that they may be unable to support their family later on.

'And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, God will make them free from want out of His grace; and God is Most Generous, Knowing. And let those who do not find the means to marry keep chaste until God makes them free from want out of His grace' (4:31-32). But there may be times when financial conditions do not permit one to undertake the responsibilities of married life. No doubt, under such circumstances, marriage must be postponed until conditions are favorable, and, all through this period of celibacy, the youth must necessarily acquire virtue and chastity. Muhammad suffered just such hard conditions. Due to financial problems, he was unable to take a wife until he was 25. Bihar ul-Anwar, Vol. 16, p.3; Tarikh Ya'aqubi, Vol. 2, p.15. So he found it advisable to temporarily refrain from marriage and to wait for a suitable occasion when life's conditions would allow the formation of a family. A'yan ul-Shi'ah, Vol. 2, p. s; Sirihi Halabiyih, Vol. 1, p.152.