16 Ouch

Their pattern of talking while driving to and from school continued throughout the next semester but things began changing in the spring.

One day Emily didn't show up in the parking lot after class. Justin texted her multiple times to see where she was and didn't get a response. He waited almost forty-five minutes before realizing she wasn't coming.

The crazy, worried part of him contemplated scouring the entire campus to find her before telling himself that was a terrible idea. He was stressed, tired, and wanted to go home.

Feeling put out, he huffed that if she needed a ride later she would just have to take the bus before viciously pulling the driver's side door shut.

The text didn't come until nearly 9 PM.

'Sorry about earlier, I was working on a project with some classmates and lost track of the time—one of them drove me to work and I only just got off. Hope you didn't wait too long. I'll make it up to you!'

Justin wasn't happy that she made him wait and worry. That wasn't like her. So the next morning he gave her the silent treatment on the ride there.

Sensing his animosity, she didn't say much either, zooming out of the car as soon as it was parked. The sight of her running away made his heart constrict but what could he do? He was the one who ignored her. He would apologize on the way home.

'Hey, I'm staying late on campus again. No need to wait for me!' Emily texted when he got out from his last class.

For some reason this made Justin uneasy. He didn't like the way they had left things in the morning.

Thankfully, the awkwardness was smoothed over the next day but a few weeks passed and Emily hardly rode home with him at all. He wanted to ask what was going on but couldn't think of a non-awkward way to bring it up.

He wasn't her babysitter. As frustrating as it could be sometimes, she didn't owe him anything. They could barely be considered friends.

As Justin saw Emily less he noticed that she was reposting a lot of cheesy love quotes on Blogr. His chest tightened. What did that mean?! She wasn't talking to him so he had no idea what was going on in her life.

'RoboCat, how did you know you were in love?' The message seemed innocent but carried a dark air of foreboding.

'What do you mean?'

'C'mon, you said before that you've been in love with the same girl since 8th grade. How did you know it was love?'

How did he know? At first it was gratitude that she had been the only person in P.E. to give him the time of day. That gratitude turned to curiosity—his eyes followed her whenever they were in the same room.

After he looked her up online and discovered her sense of humor he realized that she was one of the only things in his life that made him laugh. Sometime after that she unknowingly etched herself onto his heart.

'My life was boring and she was the least boring thing in it'

'That's nearly anti-romantic, dude. No wonder your cousin says you're hopeless'

Justin didn't know whether to laugh or cry. 'Well, what should I say?'

'I don't know, something about how she caught your eye from across the room and suddenly you wanted to know everything about her'

He shook his head indulgently. 'You've been reading too many romance novels'

'I'm serious, RoboCat, how did you know?'

Justin was not good with words. Here he was essentially confessing to the girl and she thought he was unromantic. Perfect.

'I totally embarrassed myself in front of her but she was still nice to me. After that I started paying attention to her. I can't exactly say when but she crept up on me until she was all I really thought about. She made me happy so I wanted her to be happy too. I guess that's love'

'See, that's the kind of answer I was looking for! Was that so hard?' Emily added a winking emoji on the end so he knew she was teasing.

She sent another message before he had the chance to respond. 'Why didn't you ever say anything to her?'

Justin's eyes narrowed. He didn't like where this was headed. 'Why do you want to know?'

'I'll tell you after. Explain first'

'I thought about it a few times but always missed my chance. Once I wanted to ask her to a dance and even watched YouTube dancing tutorials to be ready but someone else got to her first. Later, I said hi to her and she asked me how I knew her name. Didn't remember me at all'

'Ouch'

A painful laugh tore through his chest at the irony of this entire exchange. 'Yeah. I kind of gave up after that'

'But you still like her even though she shut you down like that?'

He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. She would never be this blunt if she knew she was subject of this conversation. He decided to be honest anyway.

'I don't know how not to like her anymore. Even though I don't get to be with her, the bits and pieces I do get to see are the only spots of color in a world of gray'

'That's pretty poetic for a guy like you. I guess you're not anti-romantic after all' The three dots indicating she was typing went on for another few minutes before she continued.

'I'm only asking because I think I might like a guy in my literature class but I don't have much experience with stuff like this. I've only been on a couple of dates in my life and none of them were worth a second one'

The words "I think I might like a guy in my literature class" echoed in Justin's head and he slumped in his chair, defeated. Deep down, he knew they would never be together but it still felt like someone had pried out his heart with a dull knife.

He wasn't able to reply for over ten minutes but when he did he made sure to keep it light. 'You're talking to the wrong Love Guru, Grape Juice. I've never been on a date at all'

'Shut up, you're lying!' She sent a gif of someone making a face of extreme disbelief.

'Cross my heart and hope to die'

He kind of felt like doing just that right now. Each message that came in drove him further to despair and yet he didn't want to stop talking to her.

'Wow, I really did pick the wrong Love Guru. You're the only person I really talk to on here though so I won't fire you just yet'

Justin absolutely did not want that job. He didn't want anything to do with this. He couldn't bear it if his advice drove her to another man. Yet…

'Oh good, I hate being fired. Anyway, I've got to go but keep me posted'

Keep him posted. Why did he say that?! Hearing about her budding romance with someone else was going to destroy him.

But it explained a lot…why she was so busy lately. She must have met him while doing a group project.

The project had to be over by now but she was still staying late on campus and getting rides to work. It had to be her crush giving them to her.

His heart constricted. That had been his job. He didn't have a place in her heart but at least he'd had a place in her life. What place did he have now?