33 Oh No

Justin really enjoyed giving Emily rides again. Her laugh, her little stories about her day, and even her very presence made him happier than he had been since before Brandon came along.

What was perplexing was that she kept asking him random personal questions on Blogr even after a few weeks had passed. He was confused enough that he took the matter to his resident Female Expert.

"And she never expressed any interest in knowing this sort of stuff beforehand?" Sam asked thoughtfully after he finished giving her the rundown of what had been going on.

"No, and we've been talking for six years…I want to know what changed her mind," Justin confessed. The curiosity was burning him up inside.

"I wonder if this has anything to do with Brandon," she mused. "You said that she was dissatisfied with the way things were going with him."

"Yeah, he even made her take the bus after promising to give her rides just so she wouldn't see m—"

Sam suddenly shrieked, cutting him off. "Justin, what if she likes you?!"

He was too shocked to even display any emotions in his voice. "What."

"I mean online you," she said impatiently. "You've talked to her about how you've liked the same girl for many years, right? It's possible that she's daydreaming of that kind of devotion since she's not getting enough from Brandon.

"She could be thinking about how you've been a good and devoted friend to her all this time and wishing she knew you for real because you actually pay attention to her, unlike him!"

"That seems pretty farfetched…"

"She obviously likes talking to you. If she doesn't like talking to her boyfriend anymore, wouldn't it make sense for her to switch her affections over to the guy she does like talking to?" Sam said excitedly.

"You're missing the point here, Sam. She thinks RoboCat is on the other side of the country. I mentioned something about how my parents wouldn't stop bragging when I got into an Ivy League school so now she thinks I'm at Harvard or something. I've never bothered correcting her. Why would she start expressing interest in someone she'll probably never meet?"

"Don't you get it?! She wants to meet you! She's curious about who you are so she probably wants to video chat and add each other on InstaFace and Friendbook and do things other long distance couples do. She totally likes you!"

Justin groaned. "Why did this have to get so complicated? I'm right in front of her and she supposedly likes the version of me that isn't even me."

"Did you ever lie to her?"

"Well, I didn't tell the entire truth but I never blatantly lied."

"Then you can't say that your online self isn't you. Justin, if she likes online you she'd like real you given the chance. You need to be yourself!" Sam insisted.

He threw his hands up in frustration. "That's exactly what I've been trying to do!"

"But you've never been comfortable enough to act the same way you do online," she continued.

"The Justin she sees is only the surface. She's never even seen…what's your handle, RoboCat? She's never even seen a picture of RoboCat but still likes him so that proves that she's interested in under-the-surface Justin."

"You lost me."

"Justin, be more confident! Be the funny, intelligent person that you really are around her! Surface Justin is boring and easily overlooked but you're actually a really cool person once people get to know you!"

"Thanks," he said dryly.

Sam was clearly rolling her eyes at him. He could tell from her tone.

"Oh come on, that was meant to be a compliment. All you need to do is show her that you and RoboCat are one and the same without specifically telling her that little detail. I know you're worried about how she'd take it."

"I don't know how to do that!" Justin was exasperated.

Show her without telling her? With all these personal details she hadbeen asking for, what could he tell her that wouldn't give him away? What exactly had he told her? Maybe he was overthinking things. Lots of people had similar preferences but still…

"You better figure it out because that's all I've got for you."

Sam hung up and left Justin more confused than before. He sat there lost in his thoughts for quite some time before he received a Blogr notification.

Oh great. Just who he didn't know how to talk to at the moment. Should he try to make himself less likable? How would he even do that aside from straight up avoiding her messages?

'I'm thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend'

His heart raced uncontrollably. How was he supposed to respond to that? He was spared by Emily messaging him again.

'Whatever I saw in him originally isn't there anymore. We don't talk. We don't do anything fun. Honestly, I have a more meaningful relationship with you than I do with him at this point. Being with him has lost all its interest'

His racing heart stopped completely when he read that she had a more meaningful relationship with him. She may have said it offhand but it seemed oddly like Sam's theory was correct.

This was bad. This was really bad. Justin was not equipped to deal with this kind of complication. All he could think to reply was 'I'm sorry'.

This launched another tirade. 'I guess I expected too much because it was my first relationship. I don't even think he ever loved me. I think I was convenient.

I was convenient to be with when he had the time and now that he doesn't, he doesn't want me around anymore but won't say so. But he's so snippy every time I see him! And he's trying to control my life even though he's hardly a part of it anymore!

Did I mention that he made me take the bus because the friend who was giving me rides was male? My friend snapped me out of it and made me realize how stupid it was but I did it for over a month! I don't think we even like each other anymore'

Justin was surprised to see her mention the real him. Had his dragging her to his car made that much of an impact on her decision? He hadn't been trying to break them up. He was just looking out for her.

'How do you know you don't like him anymore?'

'When we were first dating I thought about him all the time, especially when we were apart. Now I hardly give him a passing thought.

'I've been thinking about someone else instead. You're not supposed to think of other guys more than your boyfriend, right? I've never done this before so I don't know how to break up!'

Someone else…no…it couldn't be… 'Is that someone else at your school?'

'No'

Oh no. Ohhhhhh no. This could not be happening. Justin tried wracking his brains, thinking of something to say that would steer her away from this conversation when he received another message.

'It's you, actually'

Despite his best intentions, Justin wasn't able to play it cool. 'Me?!'

'What other guy do I talk to? I got curious about your life after you told me about your part in making Sink or Swim. It made you feel more real, I guess. I wanted to know more about you but you're insistent on your privacy'

'I have my reasons for that' he responded quickly. 'I'm not playing hard to get or anything, I swear'

'Then what is it, RoboCat? Why don't you want to meet me?'

'I'VE ALREADY MET YOU!' Justin screamed internally. Ugh, how did this happen?! How was he going to explain his way out of this?

'It's not that I don't want to meet you, it's that I don't want you to meet me'

'That makes no sense'

Why was this so difficult? 'I've got a weird situation. I really can't tell you. We've been online friends for so long, isn't that enough?'

'I used to think so. But I'm closer to you than anyone else in this world and I don't even know who you are. That bothers me'

That's because she never bothered to look and he never bothered to try being seen until it was too late. Sam was right. He hid under Surface Justin for too long and screwed everything up.

'I'm sorry, Grape Juice, I really can't do what you want'

'Is this about that girl? The one who doesn't notice you? Well I've noticed you RoboCat! I've noticed you for a long time now! Why don't you have any confidence in yourself?'

Justin laughed but it was hollow. He didn't have any confidence in himself because of her. If he'd had a spine…if he hadn't contented himself to watch and support from the shadows…would they have been together already?

'I'm sorry, I can't. Goodbye, Grape Juice'

Logging off, he threw his phone onto his bed and buried his face in his arms on the desk. What had he done. What on earth had he done.