18 Justin the Zombie

"Mr. Costa, you should really be the one writing these letters of recommendation," Rachelle said gently over the phone.

She had been the liaison between him and the interns but the end of the semester was coming. Two of the three students were graduating.

Only one of them decided to stay on but that wasn't an immediate problem because Justin was taking the summer off to take a break from homework and could take on projects again.

"Why should I be the one to do it? Aside from the initial interview and occasionally rating how well they're doing over email, I haven't talked to them. You're the one who actually knows what they're like," Justin said tiredly.

He normally wasn't this casual on the phone but finals were upon him and he was swamped.

"I don't have access to the performance ratings you gave them," she reminded him.

"I'll email them to you. Please, I'll give you a bonus if you take care of this for me."

There was silence on the other end for a moment. "Sir, are you alright?"

Apparently, he sounded more frazzled than he thought. Between the mountain of end-of-semester work and Emily getting more serious with that guy from class, he had a lot to worry about. According to her Blogr messages to RoboCat, they had gone out more than five times now.

"I have a lot on my plate right now," he confessed. "I really don't have the time or capacity to write those right now."

"I understand. I'll take care of them this week."

"Thanks, Rachelle. I appreciate it. I'll get you that bonus once they're sent out," he said gratefully.

What would he do without Rachelle? It was hard owning a business when you were going to school. If she hadn't stepped up as second in command when he first started at UCLA the website would have fallen apart.

Once he hung up he decided to take a walk to clear his head, proving that he really was stressed. Growing up, his mom had said that trying to get him outside was like pulling teeth.

She wasn't wrong. Justin had long preferred the great indoors. But fresh air seemed nice right now since his roommate's girlfriend was over and they were making out in the living room. Love was in the air for everyone but him.

He decided to walk over to a nearby burger place. Greasy food should perk him up a little. When he was in line he heard a girl complain to her friend that she couldn't afford the $1 guacamole add on.

He couldn't help but laugh to himself. They seemed to be about the same age and with how well the startups he had helped fund were doing an entire vat of guacamole would barely be a drop in the bucket.

"Um, this is kind of random but I have an extra dollar if you really want that guacamole," Justin said embarrassedly, putting a hand on the nape of his neck. "I didn't mean to listen in. I just heard it."

The girl and her friend whispered to each other for a moment before she blushed and accepted. "Thanks. Guac is the best part of the burger."

As they walked away he heard the girl's friend whisper, "He's cute! Do you think he likes you?"

"I don't even know that guy! But you're right, he  is cute," Guacamole Girl whispered back.

Justin shook his head sadly. What did it matter if other girls thought he was cute? The only one he cared about didn't think so. With that thought in his head the food didn't help as much as he had hoped.

Walking back to his apartment was a slow affair. He didn't know if the duo on the couch was still going at it and didn't want to make things awkward by barging in. It was hard enough sneaking by them to leave.

He walked aimlessly for quite a while before deciding to go back and try to get some sleep. His homework had given him a lot of late nights lately.

The key was almost in the lock of his front door when he heard voices coming from one floor down.

"I had a really good time tonight," an unfamiliar masculine voice said.

"So did I!"

The keys fell to the ground. That was Emily's voice. Justin wanted to grab his keys and run inside for dear life but it was as if he was rooted to the spot. He didn't want to hear this! And yet he couldn't move.

"Listen, Emily…we've been seeing each other for a while. I really like you. Would you be interested in being my girlfriend?"

A moment of silence. Justin could hear his own heart pounding. He knew what she was going to say but still wasn't prepared for what he heard.

"I'd really like that."

More silence. They were probably kissing. Justin sunk down against the doorframe, his keys forgotten. His mind was completely blank.

He had no idea how long he sat there but eventually the door behind him opened. His roommate's girlfriend.

"Justin! How long have you been sitting here?!" she exclaimed.

"Don't know," he mumbled.

Finally, he pulled himself up and walked into the house, gliding as though in a trance. He flopped on the bed without bothering to change his clothes and stared at the ceiling for several hours before dozing off.

The next morning he was hit with a flood of messages from a_special_discontinued_grape_juice about how her boyfriend had asked her out after their date. She must have sent them shortly after she got home.

That didn't matter though. Nothing mattered.

He knew as her closest online confidant he should probably respond with enthusiasm but couldn't think of a single thing to say. He would get to that later. Much later.

"Um, I hate to impose, but…Justin, can I drive today?" Emily asked the following Monday morning.

"Why?"

"Because you look terrible and I'm afraid you'd crash the car."

A ghost of a smile made its way to his face as he held out the keys. "Sure. Whatever you want."

Emily bit her lip, looking like she was struggling with something internally before she spoke up from behind the wheel. "Are you eating and sleeping okay? I know finals are coming up."

He thought back. He had hardly slept more than a few hours since his world came crashing down around him Friday night. Had he eaten anything? He might have had a banana yesterday.

"Not really."

She launched into a lecture. "No matter how much homework you have, you still need to take care of yourself! Look at me, I'm working twenty-five hours a week and taking sixteen credit hours but I still remember to eat and sleep. Do you need me to send you text reminders at meal times? Because I could do that."

"What are you, my mother?" he mumbled tiredly. "Thanks for your concern but I can take care of myself."

Anger tinged her tone. "Clearly, you can't. This isn't the first time I've seen you like this, though it's usually not this bad. Don't make me camp on your front door at dinner time."

"You don't have the time to do that."

"Maybe not but I'd figure something out. You're my friend and I hate seeing you like this."

Justin finally looked at her. So she did care about him. Just not enough. For a guy who thought he was okay just being near her forever, he sure was taking her new relationship status hard.

He had no one to blame but himself. He had never even tried to make a relationship happen between them. She had never been his to lose.

Sighing deeply, he finally cracked a real smile. "Thanks, Emily. It's nice to know you care."

"Of course I care! Do you have any idea what it's like seeing your friend waste away…" she continued berating him for his lack of self-care but Justin was too content to care.

He had settled for his position long ago and needed to stick to that. As long as she knew he existed that was enough. He had to make it be enough.