68 If Only

Justin's dilemma continued as the semester went on. Seeing Emily's bright smile every day…he couldn't afford to lose that. Not after how far he had come to even experience it up close. But he hated lying to her.

The secrets he kept were piling up so far that he could hardly bear the weight. All of this was the result of his own stupidity. His brain played the 'if only' game a lot more frequently now.

If only he had said hi to her as she exited Spanish class the first day of high school when she still had a vague idea of who he was. If only he had added her on Friendbook and became her pillar of support during her parents' divorce using his own name. If only he had been less passive about everything. If only he had kept his mouth shut when she asked who he liked.

If only, if only, if only. It was driving him insane.

Sam didn't know how badly he screwed up with the whole Alexa thing. She didn't even know who Alexa was so he couldn't bear to ask for her advice. Which was unfortunate because out of all the people he knew, she probably had the most objective opinion. Everybody else was directly involved.

He stretched his back and tried to focus on the computer in front of him. The computer lab was not a good place to concentrate. Too many people in too small a space. That stupid freelance project was only a few days away from being completed and then he would never do this again.

Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered going to school for this in the first place. He hadn't learned much he didn't already know about programming. People went to college to get jobs but he already had one.

Literally the only reason he bothered to get higher education was because Emily was at the same school. That was pretty sad.

Though he couldn't forget his parents. They would have been very confused if their barely graduated son was able to afford moving into his own place without having a real job. Considering Sam once thought he was pushing drugs…it was probably better to suffer through the rest of his degree, like it or not.

The only kind of okay thing about the computer lab was occasionally nodding to some of the club members also in the computer science program who practically lived in the lab. There was an unspoken rule not to speak, kind of like the library, but there was a sense of solidarity. They all suffered together.

When he finally escaped the computer lab for the day Emily was waiting right outside the door for him with sparkling eyes and a big smile on her face. She rocked back and forth on her heels excitedly.

"Guess what!" She continued before he could ask what, clapping her hands together. "I got my first cookie order! They want two dozen cookies, half baby bottles and half onesies!"

Her enthusiasm was contagious. "That's great! When is it for?"

"This Saturday afternoon. I have a few hours between class and work on Thursday so I was thinking of doing them then." She reached out and hugged him excitedly. "I couldn't have done this without your beautiful website! Thank you thank you thank you!"

Justin stiffened as she threw her arms around him, too shocked to return the hug before she pulled back and continued chattering. "I can't believe I never thought of it before but of course you would, Mr. Entrepreneur! Since it was your idea you get part of the credit. What should we do to celebrate?"

"Uh…" He wasn't able to think of anything before she began pitching ideas, practically forgetting that there was supposed to be another person in this conversation.

"We could go to the arcade…just kidding, you hate the arcade. Bowling? No, that's no good…Oh I know! The beach!" She looked at him with pleading doe eyes. "Please? I promise I won't get sand in your hair. I haven't been to the beach the whole time I've lived here because no one wanted to go with me. Pleaaaaaaaase?"

Emily never begged him for anything before. He practically staggered back from the impact. That pout was lethal! He would do anything for that face. "Okay."

"Yay! I'll make us a picnic, it'll be great, you'll see!" She skipped cheerfully ahead of him so he ended up following her to the car like a lovesick puppy. It was too adorable when she got excited like this.

His good mood shattered when he saw Alexa leaning against his car in the parking lot. Stopping dead in his tracks, he could only stare. Emily had to be the one to ask what she was doing there.

"Can't I stop by to see an old friend?" she asked with a slight smile. "I was in the area and Rick told me he just saw you leave the computer lab."

Rick, that traitor! Justin had a pretty good idea why Alexa was here but he still hadn't made up his mind what to do yet. It looked like she was here to make up his mind for him.

"Alexa," he said warningly.

"I'm just here to talk. Mind if I borrow him for a minute, Emily?"

Emily scowled but nodded and turned toward him. "Can you give me the keys? I'll wait in the car."

He handed them to her silently and Alexa led him a few feet away as Emily climbed into the car. "Alexa, we talked about this. I want to tell her the truth."

She rolled her eyes. "If you were really going to do that you would have already. Let's put an end to this once and for all. Then you can help me with my next game this summer once school ends.

"Zack came up with the concept; it's an RPG puzzle game for the computer instead of a phone. He wants me to do the art and I want you to do the coding since you already promised me a discount."

He balled his fists, frustrated. "What gives you the right to decide for me?"

"The fact that you dragged me into this in the first place. If you didn't have the EQ of a cockroach you would have fessed up already! Eight years of liking her, finally getting somewhere as friends, and you tell her you like someone else! You can't get any more idiotic than that! Since you're incapable of handling your own romantic matters, as your friend, I'll handle them for you."

Before he had the chance to argue, she put on a furious face and slapped him with all her might across his left cheek before storming away. Justin was left standing there gaping after her with a throbbing face, internally cursing the day he ever met Alexa Stanhope.