2 Rooftop

____Julie____

Seven in the evening I was at a hospital founded by my uncle, a brother of my father. He was talking to me about the pending bills I need to pay. But I don’t know where to get money anymore since I quit my job today.Before mom got her dementia,my brother also suffered from his illness. He needed to get dialysis everyday and that’s where I spent my dad’s last savings.

Actually, my uncle is very kind, the bill I’m paying now was only ¼ of the total amount I needed to pay. He can’t no longer cover up for me since I don’t get along with his wife. His wife thinks that it’s not his responsibility to take care of us.

Some may think it’s inconsiderate but that’s how life works, I can’t give something in return to them so they can’t do me a favor for me.

And that’s how my life works. One problem after another. Now, I spent my jobless hours here on the hospital roof where I can see a full picture of the whole city. Some people look like ants when I look down and I never know if one of those people has the same problem as me.

And feels like I'm the only bird chirping in the middle of the forest together with the sound of the trees dancing so gracefully.

Despite everything that is happening to my life, I found myself looking back to the times my family is still there and my life was perfect. Thinking about those good memories is the only rest I can give to myself.

Maybe I can't kill myself because I'm already dead inside and my soul just wandering around.I just closed my eyes when a strong wind passed by and starts to dance with the strands of my hair.

"The sound of the cars passing by is so loud and my hearing gets fuzzy. I still get lost in my thoughts when I'm in my desired place..."

I immediately opened my eyes and embraced myself as I heard a voice of a man. I tried to look behind me but I saw no one. Then I heard his voice again.

"She ran and ran again until she catches her breath as the petals flow through every strands of her hair-"

"AHH!"I shouted when I looked into my front, an unfamiliar facade welcomed me. And since I’m one of those faint-hearted, I didn’t know how fast I jumped from the point where I stood before. Where the hell this guy came from?

"W-Who are you?"I asked in the middle of catching my breath. The figure is becoming clear as I walk closely to him.

"You can see me?"He did not answer my question. Instead, he answered me with another question. And what did he say again? I can see him? Of course.

“Yes, I can see you. I wouldn’t be shocked if you weren’t there. I just recall seeing a sign that this area is closed for now.”I pointed to the only door for entrance and exit of this rooftop. He didn't even bother to look where I’m pointing.

And it’s kind of embarrassing now that he is looking at me like I’m sort of an alien species.

He stood on his seat and my heart skipped a beat when I realized he’s standing on the railings!

"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"I suddenly lose my composure and forget all I’m thinking earlier . "Get down from there! You're scaring me!"I continue to shout at him while he just stood there with his arms in his pocket, lazily looking at me. I reached out my hand but he didn’t seem to notice it.

"Forget that you saw me,miss. You shouldn't be seeing me now."the way he talked to me is different from the first time he asked me if I could see him. As if he just thought of something making him suddenly change.

Then it’s late to save him when he jumped right in front of me!

It’s too late for me to reach his hand because of our distance. I shrieked at the sight.

A man just committed a suicide infront of me!

It took me moments before I realized what just happened. I run into the railing and look down again. I can hear the sound of my heart beating. My heart could pop out because of it but my mind was focused on what I just witnessed. No, this must be a dream.

Still catching my breath, I run down the stairs because all of the elevators are occupied. Sh*t, I will be a witness for a suicide case or worst, I can be a murder suspect because I didn’t save him, it is partially my fault!

I keep apologizing to every person I bumped into while running until I got out of the hospital. I went to the other side of the building but I was dumbfounded.

I don’t see any people taking pictures of a corpse then uploading it on their social media nor doctors trying to lift a bloody body back inside the hospital.

What I saw was nothing.

The same concrete ground I saw before.

The man jumped,right? He is supposed to be here... but ...

My mind is so confused. I saw different kinds of people minding their own lives and businesses but no one except me is more worried or alarmed right now. My vision started to get blurry and I can feel that sooner I might pass out. I clutch on my shirt and put my hands on the wall for support.

But I feel like I’m tired so my body can’t take it then I lose my consciousness.

_________________

"Julie..." I opened my eyes when I heard a familiar voice calling my name.I blinked multiple times before my vision adjusted to the light.Then after that, I looked at my side, realizing that I am in my room. Then there’s Aunt Tessie holding a glass of water on her right hand while the other one is holding the wheelchair where my mom is sitting.

I also noticed the glint of sadness in my mom’s eyes so she is also probably in her conscious mind now. Thank goodness.

They both looked so worried but a question popped on my mind.

"You need to drink this, Julie. You’ve been out for hours." Aunt Tessie handed me over the glass and I emptied it before going back to the question I have in mind. I tried remembering what happened last night. I was in the hospital then a man jumped from the rooftop but I don’t see a body on the ground. Was that a dream? No, it was too realistic.

I closed my eyes when the thought of having that wide imagination crossed me. But it should be a dream even though it scared the hell out of me. I don’t think I can handle witnessing someone dying in front of me.

Another funny thing, I tried to kill myself so many time but I'm afraid of someone's dying.

"We must be thankful to those who brought you home last night. We don’t know what might happen to you if it weren’t for those people."Aunt Tessie said that made me frown. I processed what she said and I realized the worst.

Oh God, that was not a dream. I really came from the hospital but...

"I was in the hospital last night.If someone saw me fainted,they should bring me inside,not here. And how did they know where I lived?" I couldn’t help myself but to ask but Aunt Tessie only smiled at me. I know that she thinks it doesn't matter as long as I'm here.

"Shouldn’t you be thinking that you’re lucky to be safe?"she smiled and I had no choice but to just nod and smile back at her.

"I’ll just bring your mom outside to get some fresh air. Stay on your bed, Julie. Take some rest.”Aunt Tessie said in a very serious tone.She’s very strict to this. I looked at mom who didn't talk to me but I know she is really worried. I kissed her forehead before I watched them and left my room.

I get the pitcher and I drink from it, I feel distraught and pouring the water in the glass is not necessary. After I drank all that water, I sighed. Things will get rough again. Another day, another mess.

I suddenly looked at my desk when I heard the familiar tune of my phone when someone calls me for an urgent meeting. I glanced at the caller's name and my eyes just automatically rolled when I saw the name 'JUSTIN', my co-worker.I definitely tapped the answer button and placed the phone near my ear.

"Hello?"I call on the other line.

"My Mrs. Oh sorry-Ms. Santiago?" for the second time,I rolled my eyes. He sounded like a flirt! Ah,wait-no,he's such a flirt! If I only don't want to hear where this call is going, I rather end this call right now!

"I hope that this is not one of your ways to reach me, Justin. Because as I always tell you, stop flirting with me!" I shouted at my phone, imagining his face in front of me with his grin reaching to his ear.

"Oh, of course not. I was informed that you quit your job last day before you even submitted the paper works for this week and the information for Mr. Cruz' meeting, now the sales are working hard to cool the freaking boss’ head. I know that you are busy with your family matters so I am about to tell you that I can help you find work right now." I can tell that he’s not making fun of me because him talking so seriously is the rarest thing that has happened in my work life.

I also tried to find humor in what he said but there’s none so I guess, he’s really serious about helping me.

Actually, he often helps me every time I seek help. But just to be clear, I didn't develop some feelings for him. I just see him as my co-worker that always lingers on me wherever I am.

I waited for the next thing he would say because I was speechless. I don’t know if I should be thankful but I should be. I can finally clean up the baggage I have on my uncle's life. His wife will not scold him anymore if I pay my debts.

"If you're interested,call me. You know the number,right? Just one tap--" I didn't wait for him to finish what he's saying,I ended the call and lay on my bed again. Is it right to accept help from him again? I feel like I will pay my debt by getting indebted again. I’m aware he is rooting for us to have a more-than-co-workers-relationship and I don’t want to take advantage of his affection or what you may call them.

But it didn’t take a minute to get my phone again and dial the number he gave.

I can hear his laughters on the other line as if he was expecting me to call him. "Finally! The great Julie Chrystianna Santiago called me!"

Sh*t,this guy is getting on my nerves!

"Cut off the bullsh*ts, Odenza. Now, tell me. Where and when will I start?"

_________________

Tomorrow morning , I was awakened by the alarm from my phone. It's 4 in the morning but I’m already dressed up before I go to my mom and see if she’s still sleeping. As usual, I kissed her forehead before leaving.

When I went to the kitchen, I already saw Aunt Tessie preparing breakfast but I know I’ll not be able to eat breakfast because I think I might have a hard time finding the address Justin gave me.

I dropped my baggage near my feet and looked at Aunt Tessie who was smiling when she noticed my presence.

"Did you know that when your mom is at your age, many boys always visit this house just to get her father’s blessing?"I can’t help but to smile when she smiled while reminiscing those times. “Some even send her letters just to sneak into her heart. "

I don’t know why she brought up this topic. I’m not aware of the past lovers of my mother but I also don’t want to know because it is enough for me that she ended up with my father.

"What about yours, Julie. When will your man come here?" my smile faded in an instant . This question was never hard to answer before but now, I think I don't have the answer for this. If I am still the Julie they knew six years ago, I will answer it bluntly. I will answer it the same I’m daydreaming of the perfect guy I wanted.

"Psh, there will be no guy who will like me if they know that I hold so many responsibilities. He might just run off after discovering what life I have right now. If I’m still the same, maybe I can answer your question." I know she is just worried what might happen to me. I’m alone in this mess, she just wants someone to be there for me but unfortunately, I can’t think of my own romance at this time.

“Maybe you can find him sooner or later, who knows? There might be someone out there that… hmmm, love someone even at their worst?" I just laughed with that thought. Even my relatives can’t do the same, will there be any difference if it’s another person?

There is no such man as she said.

The last man I believed to be the man who'll be with me until the end was my father and...

...he left me.