Dear diary, or should I say , dear brain.
I never really liked diaries, I mean , its just a book anyone could read , even if PRIVATE was written all over it in blood , once the word "Diary " was imprinted on it , they'd still read it , no matter the cause , trying to know your secrets and desires and feeding it to their minds to one day use it against you.
Today , August 1 2009 marks the day I was blessed by the gods to live again. Yes , it is my birthday . Im still waiting to see if I will be wished a happy birthday , I mean 19 times the charm right? Lets cross our fingers and see.
And with this I quickly got off of my table size bed and made my way to my bathroom to get ready for school. When I came out it was just 7:14 am 'well I'll be early today' , I thought to myself. I got dressed in some jeans and baggy t-shirt just in time to put my long black waist length hair in a ponytail.
Once i was done I looked at myself in the mirror ' I look nice ' but my but my eyes said differently .
My dull brown eyes looked empty and my face held a blank expression, even though i tried to be positive by thinking positively , I had to remind myself that over the years my thoughts only seemed to lead me on giving me false hope..
I descended the stairs to see everyone at the table. My sweet sister Phoebe was typing away on her phone and also mother dearest Hope, who was scrolling through her feeds. As I walked towards the table no one seemed to notice my presence. I wanted to get their attention so I roughly pulled out the chair and again no one looked up from their phones and newspaper , since my dad was reading one.
'They don't care about you ' my inner voice said .
Even though this was true , I paid no heed . I wanted to see if they even remembered this specific day of my life and would show any interest. You could say....I was desperate to hear them say it. I cleared my throat and said
"Good Morning" just loud enough so they could hear me.
Well this caught their attention but not in the way I hope because everyone stared at me as if i just took something very valuable from them and burnt it in they're face so they could see.
At the same time my mother dearest, in all her manicured fingers and plastic surgery body: fake ass and tits, turned to me angrily and said
"As you can see we know its morning, and we dont need to be reminded ,...damn you're so annoying , why don't you do us all a favor and kill yourself"
Even though she said the last 11 words in a low tone to herself. I heard every one . I didn't misinterpret one word she said. Probably if I was a dog I would be treated better.
There was no doubt I felt hurt but over the years I have learnt to hide and bottle up my feelings not giving them the satisfaction they sought.
As she said those words she got up and left the table followed by Phoebe and my dad. I didn't miss the snicker that came from Phoebe as she got up to leave. She was surely enjoying what her mother just said. Phoebe was a beautiful girl but her attitude , it stinks like shit. I mean
'What a bitch'