1 November 26, 2020 Thursday

Intro: Call me Soch. I am currently 17. Just faced some severe things, so I am acting wierd these days.

And one more significant thing to know about me, I am a GAY BOY. I highlighted it so that if you are a homophobe, just move your ass from here. I like dating guys from other countries. This way,I get to know the cultures of different places. My all relationships and crushes have always been long distance, far away from me. My story can have some cussing words included. Read at your own risk. This diary will be written to myself. So, be my inner self in this journey and enjoy all the moment of happiness, pain, confusion and love with me.

My Story has many characters. Please remember that I used fake names everywhere, because it's their privacy and I won't reveal it.

My life is just like a live story. A really unbelievable and wierd one. Enjoy! Taddaaa 👋👋

Hello self!

Yeah, we can cry together on the everything that happened today. I have no more enjoyment left in my life. I am suffering a lot but there is no one by my side to share it. And i can see, it's somewhere my fault.

You know, the person whom I loved the most, is the same person whom i hurt the most. I sometimes feel like a demon. I want to be a human, but i don't feel like a human. I know that whatever i did, was for his safety but at the end, we both got a broken heart.

The only thing i can feel is that i am behaving like a corpse with mobility. I lost my appetite, I lost all the gems of life.

You know, me and my lover has already broken up. But still, I always feel too much love for him. It's such a curse that I can't love him anymore. I am left all alone.

I came with an idea. What if I get someone else? Maybe it will help me move on. I knew it was a silly step, but there was nothing else to do; so I thought of doing this.

I started thinking that whom should I ask to be mine. There were many options but not everyone was good.

There is a guy called Ricky. He had a crush on me. But when he proposed, I was already in a relationship. So, I had to refuse him that time. Now I thought, let's give it a try with him. He is a nice guy, you know. I asked him about it. He was so shocked at first of me asking him to be my boyfriend that he couldn't reply. He ended up refusing me. See, ha ha.. another shock.. such a heartbreak.

Then, there was a guy whom I had a crush on. He is my friend on fb. I asked him, but alas! He is straight, so I ended up getting friendzoned. This is one of the things I hate the most. I know him from April. His name is Kris ( as you know, fake). I am a great Harry Potter series fan. So, I joined many GCs of roleplays, online Hogwarts and all. Here, I met Kris. Such a cute guy. He stole my heart at first site, but as you would have guessed,I was already in a relationship.

HAHA, My character feels like a pervert. But, stay with me. I will reveal more stories from my past and current in upcoming parts.

So.. as you saw.. another rejection.

I was completely depressed from this all. So, I better thought of doing the same thing I used to do almost all the time; cut myself from this outside world.

To every person whom I cared, I had crush on or I ahd tried upon; I sent a goodbye message and deleted Facebook along with messanger.

Then, I opened my whatsapp, Said goodbye to some other important people and closed it all.

Yeah, I use only two social media platforms. Facebook+Messanger and WhatsApp.

I am an ambivert person.

The reason that I need to tell this to myself is because in real, my inner self don't know so much about me.

So, from here, I cut myself from the outher world. Let's see what happens tomorrow.

Bye bye self.

Good night 😘.