A Loss of One, a Grief for All

September 23, 2013. Seems like a good date to celebrate something good, don't you think?

However…

It turned out to be a bitter, terrible, and sorrowful day.

The room I locked myself in was dim. I leaned on the door, ignoring the strong banging I heard repeatedly behind my back. It kept pounding my heart as if trying to wreck it more than what today gave me.

"Aeryln! Open the door, please!"

A shrill scream sent me down on my knees.

"Leave me alone…"

A whisper came out of my mouth, though my heart felt like screaming. I could feel my breath shaking while my body was trembling. Tears escaped my eyes, flowing down my cheeks.

"Just leave her alone, Aletta! She won't listen to us, anyway!"

My eyes shut tighter as I heard a man's shout from afar.

If only anything could make me pull myself together right now …

The ruckus was triggered by my disbelief at the loss of my older brother.

It was a sunny afternoon. My brother and his friends were on a senior bus that came later, about ten minutes after my friends and I arrived in front of the villas. Yes, we were on a gathering trip for twenty-four people.

The bus with the seniors was swallowed by a mysterious hole in the middle of the road. I, who was about to take pictures of scenery, froze to see how the part of the road was collapsing into a huge, nearly perfect circle, with nobody made it so.

It was hard for me to get on my feet, even to breathe. The image of my brother stroking my head before I departed to the villa struck my head.

Some were shouting out my name, some were calling the police in fear. But I just stood there, staring unblinkingly at the hole in the road, lost in both words and action.

Even after the police came with the rescue teams, my mind was still unsettled. All I did was push Ilias away, who simply tried to calm me down like the others. Running upstairs, to isolate myself, to get better control of myself, though eventually, it went in vain.

"Aeryl… why don't you come out and talk to us?"

A concerned voice interrupted my mind. It was a different voice from a different person. A voice that never sounded as troubled as this before.

"I'm sorry… please give me a space," I spoke softly while gazing out of the window. The shimmer of the moonlight caressed my palms gently. Cold. It almost took me a second to realize it was not death that touch me.

"Something could've just happened to her! Get her outta here, won't you, Ilias?!"

Aletta's desperate request, that being granted by the silence, ensured me that Ilias was still offended by the way I pushed him away. Nor that anybody else would like to grant her request, for the sake of their lives.

It remained nothing then, but a long silence. The clock on the wall was showing it was one hour before midnight.

I wonder if they really have left.

It did feel wrong to ignore them while they were just trying to comfort me. But somehow, I lost my courage and my energy to face them. After what I did to them, especially.

I got up only to get a closer look at the outside of the window. There was a view of a vast grass field with rows of hills far away.

Above them, in the dark blue sky, the full moon appeared to be singing a lullaby. It made the sight quite soothing to behold, yet so painful to recall.

My older brother, Adrian, was like a guardian angel. He worked very hard, even though our inheritance was more than adequate. He protected people, although they actually could protect themselves. His sincerity was the thing that everyone adored.

Clack! Clack!

I turned my head towards the door. The handle was going up and down roughly. Whoever it was, they didn't intend to knock in the first place.

Crash!

Instead, to break in.

The guy that trespassed in this room stood five steps from the door. As he gave me that upset look, I could feel the breeze blowing a few strands of my hair.

"How inconsistent of you for saying that I should be left alone," I said as I stared coldly at him.

"You look like a zombie," he quipped in a sharp tone. "Did you forget that I'm the person who can be as harsh as you are?"

"Ilias, just leave me al—"

"Don't be ridiculous!" he snapped at me. Swinging his right hand to the side, he nudged the marble vase on the nightstand until it breaks on the floor.

I let out a sigh. His tantrum has never been this horrible before. He was usually only shouting out to me, like what he did before I went upstairs today.

I got startled when he gripped my shoulders. He glared at me with his jaw tightened.

"Look, you're starting to p*ss me off. Don't make me dislike you even more."

Ilias's grip grew stronger. He locked me on the wall with no intention of letting go of my hands.

"Let me go…!" I ordered him in a muffled voice.

"After you promise me not to hurt yourself," Ilias said firmly.

"Why would I do it when you can't feel how hurt is it to bear?!"

I paused my attempt to free myself. "I've tried to tell myself that everything would be okay, but I failed!"

"Then at least you should tell me!"

He let go of my hands roughly. "Tell me when you're feeling everything wouldn't be okay!"

My body felt powerless when it slumped to the floor. The ache I got on my wrists was not hurtful compared to the way he snapped at me.

"They said they're all missing with no trace," I began to speak in a low voice.

I saw him standing before me, raging in a breath.

"Honestly, it's hard to believe. He left us all too soon, don't you think?" I continued asking him, chuckling painfully.

Ilias was in silence, simply gave me a look of disgust and pity. Thereafter, he approached me and offered his hand to me.

"Get up or I'll get you up."

I lowered the corners of my lips. The pain still stung my body. I knew this was because he pushed me hard on the wall, but what annoyed me was he already predicted I couldn't stand up if I fell at this rate, so I wouldn't make a reason to object to his help anymore.

"... I hate you, Ilias. Just up to near the stairs."

Ilias wrapped my right arm around his neck and shoulders, leading me out. With my eyes averted, I walked limply.

"Stop right here," I said, making him stop before the stairs and stare confusingly at me. I didn't expect our faces will be so close that I couldn't look anywhere but his brown eyes.

"J-just… let me try to walk by myself," I muttered and looked away.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Try, then."

I gave him a cautious look before letting go of his neck and carefully stood on my feet. But when I started to move my right foot, my body wobbled to the front, which made my eyes widen.

"Watch out…!"

Ilias grabbed me and immediately pulled me. His strong pull almost caused us to step on each other's feet.

While he was looking shocked and worried, suddenly I felt my eyes blurry.

Tears welled up in my eyes, making me rush to lower my face.

"Aeryln, are you alright?"

"Don't look at me."

I could hear he was hissing in annoyance. However, he, that put me on piggyback later, surprised me.

"What are you—"

"Just don't talk if you don't want to fall. I'm taking you to your room," he cut my sentence in a serious voice.

I look at him with mixed feelings. What were you up to, Ilias? To prevent me fall onto the floor, or falling into your honest kindness?