1 My Teacher

I was looking at him while he sleeps; he looks so at peace and so serene. I can't help but to think I was looking at him while he sleeps; he looks so at peace and so serene. I can't help but to think about this feeling I have inside of me for this guy. It was just about three years when I first met him, were not even close then but he already occupied a special part in my heart.

I gently caressed his smooth face. I looked at him as I memorized every detail of his face---every angle, every line, and every mole.

I stood up and walked towards the door, but before I leave, I had my final glance at the man who unknowingly snatched my heart from me. The man who is so near to me yet will be forever beyond my reach.

It was a pleasant morning, the next day. The skies are blue, the birds are chirping and the flowers are so lovely. The place was astonishingly beautiful, it so nice to wake up and appreciate God's gift. I looked around and smiled, but when I turned to that direction, the smile on my lips weakens and all I could do is sighed. Why? Because from where I was standing I can clearly see them---exchanging warm smile and gazes; looking so in love with each other.

Somewhere deep inside my heart, a heavy metal had made me feel helpless; my breathing had seemed to stop. Colors seemed to fade. When I can't take it anymore I decided to just go down the kitchen and search for some food to eat. I'll just eat my heart out to lessen the pain that I'm feeling right now. this feeling I have inside of me for this guy. It was just about three years when I first met him, were not even close then but he already occupied a special part in my heart.

I gently caressed his smooth face. I looked at him as I memorized every detail of his face---every angle, every line, and every mole.

While I'm eating I can't help but think how it feels, if I were my best friend---being wrapped by those strong arms of his, feeling the warmth of his strong body that could calm and soothe my nerves and soul.

But I swiftly shook my head to clear my thoughts. No, I can't be her. I said to myself as if talking to someone at that moment. He loves her so much and I'm aware of that fact. Almost every day, I've seen how he care and protect her in his own little and sweet ways. Sad to say but all I can do is, watched them from afar while mending my aching heart.

I washed and kept the things I used after I ate then went back to my room. On my way there, I saw the two of them, sitting on the couch at the living room---kissing each other. I tried my best to hold back my tears until I reached my room. There I poured my heart out. Crying in silence; letting the breeze of the wind comfort me. I even cover my mouth with both hands to keep me from making any sobbing noise.

I thought I was strong, that no amount of problem could hurt me but I'm wrong. Here I 'am crying out my broken heart; trying to ease the pain I have inside.

The next day, I decided to leave. They could finish our project even if I left besides it's almost done. I was packing my things when someone knocked at my door. For a while, I stopped and walked towards the door and opened it. I was greeted by his handsome smiling face but after sometime he frowned and looked intently at me. I slightly bowed my head to hide my face. I'm not sure if I successfully hide my soaring eyes to him. I guess not, because he reached out a hand to hold me at my chin so he could have a clear view of my face. Then, he knotted his forehead as his eyes narrowed sensing that something is different in me.

"What happened to you? Did you cry?" he asked me then slowly raised his right hand and gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. I just looked away; avoiding his questioning eyes then shrugged my shoulders. "Oh c'mon, I know you. Don't try to hide it. What's your problem, I might help," he said with concern in his voice. I turned to him and fake a smile. "Nah, I'm okay there's no need to worry about." I said while walking back to my bed and continue packing my things.

He noticed me packing my things. "Are you leaving already?" He asked abruptly. "Why? We're not yet finished with our project?" He continued. "My mom called me up, she want me home today. I think she really needs me at home, you know." I said without looking at him. "Ah." He just said, and then remain standing near the door. We stayed there for a moment; no one is speaking only breathing of each other can be heard.

Until he break the silence between us. "I-Im so-sorry... I'm sorry if I hurt you and for hurting you still," he said, almost a whisper. "I k-know that... that you love me." I gawked at him after he said those words. I felt frozen in an instant. How did he know about my feelings for him? I questioned myself. I saw him looked down and sensed his restlessness. "But I ignore the thought," he sighed and continue although I can see that his having a hard time. "You know how fond I was to you. I was afraid to give you false hope that's why these past few days I'm avoiding you and always stay near your best friend. I...I don't want you to get hurt but---" he heaved a deep breath. "But I know you're aware how much I love your best friend. I'm really, really sorry if I can't return the feelings you have for me," he said in a deep voice.

While he was saying his piece, I was busy commanding my tear ducts not to shed a single tear, not now. I have to fight back my tears. When he finished, I squared my shoulders and tried my best to put a brave front. "I know," a weak smile formed at my lips. "You don't have to say you're sorry, it's not your fault if you can't love me back. You can't teach your heart and yes, I know that you're in love with my best friend. I can't do anything on that." A tear fell from my eye. I shortly brushed it away with the back of my hand. "It's okay, I just need to went away to have some time to accept things," another tear fell from my eye. "Please don't cry," he pleaded. I gather all the strength that I could have to stay strong in front of this man.

Then, I looked at him and tried to smile. But when I saw that pained look in his eyes it only made my heart break into pieces even more. That's when I burst into tears. I can't hold back my tears anymore. I can hardly breathe. All I want at that moment is to let out all the sadness and pain I have in my heart just to, somehow ease the burden inside.

Yes, it is painful because no matter how I stretched my arm, I could never ever reach for that person. I met him and taught me how to feel that special and overpowering feeling, which I thought I would never experience in my life until he came.

But sometimes people come into our life not to love us, but to let us feel that we're so much worth loving for. And there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept; and people we can't live without but have to LET GO.

**Letting go is not an easy task

When SMILING feels like I must wear this lonely MASK

It hurts deep inside, but I just cannot hide

That there anguish at the thought

That we should have to part

If loving YOU is all that means to ME

When being happy is all I hope you'd be

Then loving you MUST mean

I really have to SET YOU FREE.**

My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and see the beauty once more. I used to love you. Find ways to impress you. Now, I think less of you and hope the best for you---My Teacher.

To be continued

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