18 Excursus V

The Conjurer's camp was abuzz with activity. They have just finished with the preparations for activating the massive summoning sigil. All that was left was to place the subject into the circle and begin the ritual. The Bishop of the order Dja Lur the Soul-less was pleased with himself. Everything was going according to plan. There was some doubt concerning the expedition of the inquisitors, but the analysts have proven their worth by predicting their failure. All that remains is to find out how precise they are in profiling the target. They assured him that the Mentalist would come seeking trouble of his own accord, blinded by notions of grandeur and invincibility. In any case, the reward would most certainly tempt someone inside the town to betray the troublemaker. But Dja Lur wanted to be sure and placed secrets all across the forest surrounding the city. There was a slight possibility that the target would try to escape using a teleport, but a homing artifact was already placed in the town. No one wanted to chase Fidex all across the continent, but there was a plan for that as well.

The Bishop was approached by an NPC messenger and notified him of the target's arrival. Dja sent a message to the players near the pentagram and hurried towards the western side of the camp.

'YEEEpiIIiiiYaaaaaaYaaaaaaaaaY YepieeYyyAAAAAyoooooo!' - Two drunken voices kept hollering into the night to the motive of some song nobody seemed to be able to remember. In a few moments, the originators of the commotion stumbled into view. Two figures holding onto each other so as not to fall were making their way towards the camp in a broad sinusoid trajectory. The man they were hunting was waving around somebody's head by the braid and seemed to have a stick on his back. Maybe some sort of magic staff.

'Wow, Morgen! Are you -hic- sure that booze was infused with cow hooves and not fly agaric!? Cause' looks like we're being surrounded by fiends!'

'Sure look like -hic- fiends! Where's the inn-hic-keep? That ... That... whachacalled him? That scoundrel! I'll break his hairy face! That horned donkey!'

'Where?'

'Not where, I'm asking about the inn-hic-keep!'

'Then who are these fucking morons?'

'Fiends! I'll kick their asses straight out of the field!'

The warrior sluggishly dashed towards the players surrounding them. The target lost his point of support also collapsed onto the ground. A telekinetic disarmed the stumbling Morgenhand, but the force of the spell seemed enough to knock him right on his ass.

'Morgen! I've got it! These aren't fiends! They're fiend's hic Best friends! Fiend lovers! Those conjuration orderlies! '

'Are you sure?'

'Cross my heart!'

Half of the surrounding player cringed from debuffs.

'Well! You Bastards, allow me to introduce myself! I'm Antuan Maria ... Shit... whats next? Ibn michailovich that's right! That's what you call me! And This is Yorick, my friend and comrade! - Fidex, the Bringer of Chaos shook the head in his hand - No-no! I mean not Yorick, but FREAKHEAD! And I love him! Don't be making faces! It's not like that! Freakhead! Say "Hi"!'

The silence was palpable, but the drunken madman kept on raving.

'Well, he's the hic- strong and silent type. And that's Morgen! The epic Murderator! I once smashed that prick with a piano! And we're best pals ever since! He caught me and brought me here himself! And he's gott's'to'get paid!'

'Give the warrior his reward. The Order keeps its word.'

In a few moments, a soldier in leather armor stepped out of the crowd carrying a bag of impressive size. With a sigh of relief, he dropped it in front of Morgen who was still sitting helplessly flat on his ass.

'Tarus, Hidalgo! Grab him!'

Two steel-plated knights approached Fidex, lifted him by his arms and proceeded to carry him in the direction of the summoning circle.

'Soon, the ritual will commence. You will be placed into the smaller sacrificial circle. There it is impossible to die. Our Master will enjoy every drop of your suffering before dragging your soul into the Inferno! Your weapons will not be taken from you and your magic will not be suppressed. The Master takes great pleasure in playing with his victims. For the duration of the Ritual, you are restricted from leaving the game or deleting your profile. Try and accept your fate with some dignity!'

'So high and Mi-hic-ghty! Tell me, You gat any spirits in your camp? The drinking ones?'

'Bring the sacrifice some wine!' - but when he saw Fidex's shaky gesture, he corrected himself.

'Make it Brandy! The last wish is sacred.'

Everything was going too easy and boring. The Bishop was hoping for more of a challenge. He wanted to chase the chaos-bringer down like the dog he was with searching parties, a careful and relentless game of cat and mouse. There was absolutely no honor in dragging a dead-drunk helpless giddy body into the summoning pentagram. But a mission is a mission. The guards dropped the subject into one of the many runic circles and hurried away while the Master Conjurers positioned themselves at the edges of the star and began chanting. The ritual has already started!

The Mentalist became a little more active and started drawing something on the ground with the tip of his stick. Let him, there is nothing he can do to stop the ritual now. The air inside the sigil was becoming dense and started glowing. The Mage's songs started to resemble throat singing, and the wind was becoming restless. Fidex seemed to finish his little drawing project, snatched a knife that hung from his belt, cut both his arms and was now singing some weird assortment of sounds while dancing and spraying his blood all over the place.

Dja Lur activated his auto-translator and was able to see the text of what he thought to be incantations.

'An old cowboy went riding out one dark and windy day

A horny demon he did see as he went along his way

A bolt of fear went through him as he swung his dick around

His ass was black and shiny his smelly farts could easily kill a crowd

Yippie yi ooh

Yippie yi yay'

The Bishop disabled the translator and continued to watch. A portal began to emerge out of the air, but suddenly the glowing lines of the pentagram began to shift and distort. This definitely wasn't part of the plan. The leader of the hunting party was preparing for the worst.

A demon emerged from the portal but he sure as hell wasn't the one they were summoning.

Arch-Incubus.

Lvl - Unidentified

HP - Unidentified

Under Affect.

The mages all chocked on their incantations and fell silent in awe, unable to finish the ritual. The twenty-foot bloated demon towered above the camp with a crown of interwoven horns on his head and brandishing an enormous fully erect penis.

'Hey, man! - Fidex took a swig from the bottle - Looks like you were in the middle of something! Must be a bitch, being dragged out here in the middle of nowhere, with a bunch of small pricks standing around!'

The demon let out a deafening roar and reached for the puny figure of the literal chaos-bringer, who managed to swiftly leap out of his grasp, ducked under his arm and hang on the Demon's back.

'Wow, hic- no need to get so wound up about it! Shit happens, man!'

The summoned creature let out a low growl mouthing the word " Fuuuuuuuuck!" Fidex dodged the arms again.

'No way in hell, bro! Not my cup of coffee. I'm restricted by my sexual preferences and by the sheer size of your instrument. With a dick like that, you'll be able to penetrate an average town hall. By the way, I can hook you up with a cursed castle nearby! I'm sure you'll take to each other like wildfire. Whaddaya say?'

Then the Incubus managed to throw the drunk mentalist off his back. The demon launched himself high into the air with the intent of crushing the pesky human, but Fidex dodged again and was able to cast some sort of spell. In the next instant, the Incubus was dumbstruck by the view of his enormous manhood sagging lower and lower to the ground, and Fidex burst in giddy laughter.

'Who's a sad little elephant now?'

The demon emanated a fierce crimson glow and in a rage jumped again but hit one of the barriers of the pentagram. The magical forcefield flashed helplessly and tore apart as if it were no more than a sheet of paper. The would-be victim of the ritual jumped through the breach followed closely by the head he came in with and the tumbling demon who tripped on his own limp appendage.

'Don't allow him to escape! Switch to the second script! Contain the demon! Banish him from reality!'

The Bishop barked out the orders and teleported in front of the escaping victim. Several mages joined his ranks.

Fidex slammed into the first one in his path, shattering the barrier spell along with the caster's skull with a thrust of his spear. The Bishop grabbed several teleportation pearls from his pocket and threw them at the unruly chaos-bringer who was now battling the second mage. There was a bright flash of light, and the Mentalist was gone. Along with the mage and the spider-legged head. Dja Lur felt sorry for Steve, the eradicator mage who was beamed away with the target. There was nothing left for him but to reroll. But the Conjurers never left their own behind. They will assist him in reclaiming his prior levels and abilities. Plus he deserved a large part of the ludicrous reward they were now entitled.

In the end, you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. And the target didn't disappoint. His creative meddling with the ritual almost allowed him to escape. The analysts earned their mettle. If they hadn't anticipated his moves and didn't have a contingency plan at the ready, they would be just as embarrassed as the Order of Light and the Inquisitors. Well, now they can gather their things and head to the Central Residence. The Lord of the Planes will be pleased with their results.