22 Captain Jack Sparrow makes a splash
-Harry-
I arrived home after my stunts as Jack Sparrow, I'm still a tad bit intoxicated, and woozy. But, I can still think straight.
Right now I'm thinking how lucky the Weasleys are that it was only him and not his family. If I saw Ron's troll face I would have cast the infertile spell on him. Actually, I plan to hit all of the Weasley kids with that spell. That annoying line ends in this generation.
Maybe they will come up with a name for me other than reiterations of the boy who lived. Like the ender of lines. Bahaha imagine Ron getting married and then figuring our he's infertile I bet the disappointment in the room would be visible.
Maybe I should make a spell to give off fake pregnancy readings that would be so funny, imagine hitting someone with that spell and I already hit the husband with my infertile spell. Gasp the scandal.
Moving on to more serious endeavors I want to get a big haul of fame points, all paths lead to the muggle world.
But what should I do? I need to make it believable and such I can't just waltz into a muggle area and cast some big spells, I want to add Finesse! I have already thought of a big plan to steal a certain group's thunder in 2001 at the same time saving a whole lot of lives.
Well, I'm really excited to see the papers tomorrow, I went upstairs and tucked in for bed saying good night to the portraits on my way up.
[the next morning]
I woke up to the hooting of my beloved snowy white owl Hedwig, she's so cute I know everyone says that but I mean really Hedwig is an adorable little owl.
In her claws was of course the daily prophet it read,
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Who is Jack Sparrow? The leaky cauldron in disarray! Minister attacked!
-Yesterday night a man entered the Leaky Cauldron proclaiming to be and I quote, "Jack Sparrow Captain of the Black Pearl!" who is Jack sparrow, and why haven't we heard of this Black Pearl he seems to think he is quite famous. Jack Sparrow got into a bar fight with Arthur Weasley and the Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge. Arthur was kind enough to give us the details of this horrible occurrence, "I was just drinking with some friends peacefully when that maniac attacked me and insulted my wife! He first punched me in the nose then broke a bottle on my head throwing the rest of it at the Minister himself. He then proceeds to beat the Minister up like a thug then a bar fight starts. He used the minister like a meat shield, it was horrible my friends and I chased him to bring the Pirate to justice for daring to assault the minister when he made his cowardly escape!" there you have it my friends Jack Sparrow is a thug and should be brought to justice!
The Minister had this to say, "it was a sneak attack, the monster used me as a shield and beat me to a pulp, acting high and mighty while doing it! He will be brought to justice I swear that to you!"
It seems the minister was not happy, what will happen next? As soon as we get the scoop I will keep you in the loop!
- written by Micheal Keem
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Huh? Rita didn't write this one! That is so weird but I guess there are other authors and journalists other than her. The minister probably didn't trust her enough to not print the embarrassing parts like the pants and wands.
This keem guy makes me feel some nostalgia though, it's weird. Honestly, the article is not that bad, most of it is true but the thug comments do hurt a tad bit.
Hmm, I just thought of something nefarious I will put it on my bucket list. Grabbing my pen and paper I wrote,
-hijack the Prophet and write my own article as Jack Sparrow or myself whatever I feel at the time.
-- Sirius black pov --
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Jack Sparrow is real! Not some made-up guy Harry used as a joke! And he beat up the Minister of magic for Merlin's sake!
He seems like a bloke id get along with, hehe I wonder If Harry knows him personally? That would be so cool the guy seems like a marauder but fewer pranks more fun! Maybe my Black blood is kicking in but I want to join this guy's crew!
I looked over across the table and saw Narcissa equally stunned. Smirking I said, "This Sparrow guy seems fun!"
She rolled her eyes and answered, "seems like your type of friend. Anyways we have more important issues, don't we?" she phrased her reply like a question but it really wasn't
"*sigh* yes we do, are you ready for the Wizengamot, and the vote for you to take over ol Luci's position on the Hogwarts board of directors?" I asked calmly
"Yes, I will have no issues getting the position, and the upcoming Wizengamot is more of a lord situation is it not?" she asked
"Good, and yes it's more of a me thing but I still wanted to ask Cissy." I finished with a smirk
Soon that old codger Dumbledore will have to face the music.
-- Nick Fury Pov -
I was peacefully reading the papers from all wizarding areas. As a squib and Shield agent, I mainly focus on Wizards but recently my partner and I have been doing other missions.
I just got to the Britan papers when I saw the Headline. JACK SPARROW! that mother fucker! I will never forget that name, he stole my damn ID!
It was so awkward explaining how the damn thing was lost, what made the situation worse is I don't know how he stole it, I'm a trained, agent and spy and apparently, he's only a drunk pirate!
As I read further down the article my opinion of the damn pirate only got worse. This guy is a nuisance I hope he gets thrown in Azkaban.
Sigh, I have a headache. Now I have to brew a damn potion.
That's one thing great about being a squib you don't need magic to brew potions, and I happen to be amazing at the subject. I even attended Salem Witches Institute, contrary to popular beliefs they do accept males and I happen to get in as a squib which was pretty huge.
Why do I feel like both this Sparrow guy and Potter are going to be a big headache?
--Harry Potter Pov --
Studying is boring as fuck! I mean at least magic subjects are nice to study about but biology and other subjects are maddening I say!
I have also taken up practicing sword fighting with my claymore and some practice dummies it's soothing, to be honest.
My next Ritual is tomorrow, the seventh day since my first ritual. And I plan to use the blood of Dracula. The ritual is designed to boost my body and vitality and make something different not a vampire but not human. I will be using my own basilisk blood and venom in the ritual which I figured I can harvest easily. I can command my venom to drip and getting blood is easy.
So with the combination of basilisk and Dracula, I expect to be turned into something like a vampire but with basilisk features. basilisk fangs, Basilisk eyes that I can hopefully turn on and off, or I might have to rock sunglasses 24/7 but I am also assuming the eyes won't be nearly as powerful as when I'm in my Basilisk form.
I am definitely going to have the unique palate of blood, but it won't affect regular food. But, I know for a fact the sun won't fuck with me.
Which brings me to my next big plan I can do in tandem with the muggle world plans. Opening up a Blood company, I will supply the finest blood mostly rare creatures obviously if willing human, and be a black market dealer!
I began to prepare for my ritual tomorrow I began by combing through all of my notes and such. Then onto the details and precise measurements, I need everything to be perfect.
-- Narrator Pov --
In the Minister of Magic's office, one Cornelious Fudge was furious,
"What do you mean you can't find Jack Sparrow! Amelia, you better find him!" Fudge roared in anger
'That damn bastard made me walk through the whole ministry without pants! How could I have not noticed! It must have been a dark magic yes that's it!' Fudge thought fuming
"I can't just find everyone in seconds minister. This guy is good. my best men and women are on it don't worry." Amelia replied stoically
Inwardly she was laughing in joy. ' Fudge actually walked through the Ministry with no pants yesterday what a fool! How could he not notice that? Hahaha'
Meanwhile in Hogwarts Dumbledore is still trying and failing to find Harry,
'Maybe I should try to talk to the goblins again?' he thought frustrated he hasn't made any progress
The last time Dumbledore went to the Goblins in search of Harry they chewed him out and told him Lord Potters's business has nothing to do with him.
Dumbledore seemed crestfallen when he realized the young potter gained his lordship, a little voice in the back of his mind told him he made a mistake sending the boy to Azkaban, but he couldn't ever admit it out loud.
Life was not so great for Albus Dumbledore.
-end-
A/N: I realized once he does muggle stuff he will get so many Fp points he would be able to buy a lot of shit. So I need to think of cool thief/ criminal items that will cost a decent Fp price.
