6 Lose Yourself

"You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, You own it, you better never let it go" - Lose Yourself by Eminem.

***

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

What the fuck is that? I wanted to shut that thing off so badly, but I couldn't move. It was like an invisible force was holding me back. Reality hit me hard that moment. It was like my eyes have completely dried up.

I began to reiteratively blink, in order to bring back the focus of my eyes on the ceiling that I had been gratuitously staring at. I had been staring at that same ceiling since grandma left me speechless.

She left right after she told me the corruptive truth.

Something tells me there is more to the story. Much more. All these thoughts about how my life could have been with my real father. Could he have been a loving father? Or a distant, carless one?

It all makes sense now.

Me being so different than all the members of the family. Me being treated differently because of one reason, and one reason only. I really wasn't a 'White'.

I somehow knew from the start that there was something very different about me and now that I knew the truth, I felt crestfallen and mollified at the same time.

With these mixed feelings I couldn't barricade the feeling of disorientation from surfacing too. I wanted to cry, and jump due to happiness at the same time, but I didn't. Apart of me was angry. So angry in fact.

I was still wide awake. I didn't even get a pinch of sleep. All night I've been trying my best to delineate what I should do next. Yet with all these thoughts I didn't move at all. I just stared at the ceiling.

I wanted to leave this room. This house to be exact. I wanted fresh air.

No

I needed fresh air. My mind was spiralling as to where I could go. If I go to the stables I would pass by grandma or anybody really. I didn't want that right now.

The beach.

It was the only thing that popped into my mind, that made me smile. It was one of the only places that made me feel at peace. I felt so complaisant there. So without overthinking it, I ran to the bathroom. Not before grabbing my favourite blue sweatpants and a red shirt.

I'm not going to give your the details as to what I did in the bathroom, but I did brush my teeth if that's what you were waiting for.

Grabbing my headphones, I made my way downstairs and out the door. I would have called the driver to take me, but right now I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted some fresh air.

Even though I knew the more I avoided people, the more my thoughts would haunt me. I just couldn't help it right now. I needed to think. I mean what am I supposed to do? It's not everyday one gets told that their whole life is based on a lie.

I know there is more to the story, but I couldn't fight that feeling off. You know the one when you wish you could have noticed the big signs, instead of the truth being thrown at your face.

What would have happened if Grandma didn't tell me?

I would still be the same miserable girl I am thinking I deserved to be treated this way.

Would I?

Little did I know that I've already reached the beach. It was that close by? Oh well now I know how long it would take me to escape that household. I could have just went to beach behind the house, but I just wanted to be farthest away from everyone.

Why would my mother do something like this? Why would she hide such a big secret from me? From the looks of it she would kill, for me to leave 'White's' family. Why would she not just let me go?

But what if my father is a bad person? What if he would hate me even more than my mother does? What if he's an alcoholic or a drug addict. What if he's.. Dead? I hope that's far from the case.

What if he is living a happy life, with a wife and children and didn't want me to intervene, into their happy bubble?

Oh God. I felt like a dynamite that's about to blow up any second. My head felt so heavy, from the lack of sleep I'm guessing. Yep.

Why couldn't my life be like those people in the movies? The ones who had happy families that loved and cared for them? I bet that my mother wouldn't even notice my absence. All she cares about is Cameron.

Now you know why.

I groaned tiredly. Here I am standing on the beach facing the beautiful waves, still deliberating about my problems. I thought this would help, being here at the beach. Well I thought wrong. There was only one more option left.

Music. Yes that's it. Putting my headphones on. I pressed on the shuffle button, before Eminem's voice blasted through my head.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chanc to blow, This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

Sitting down with my eyes closed, I felt more complaisant, than I've been since yesterday. I was quite enjoying myself when out of nowhere really, a large, dark shadow hid the heat, the sun was giving me.

As I looked up, this person was very tall. I couldn't make out the persons features, but what I did make out was that the person had broad, very toned shoulders and arms. It was no doubt a guy.

"Dude, move out of the way your blocking the sun," It took me a few seconds to realize I confidently said that. I stopped my music, hoping he would leave me alone.

''Oh I'm sorry. Harmony was it?" I Couldn't help the shivers that went all the down to my spine. He knew who I was?

"How do you know my name?" I narrowed my eyes. For all I know he couldn't be a rapist or a psychopath.

“Not really. I don’t believe we’ve formally met, I’m Enzo Moretti. I wasn’t able to come yesterday to the dinner with the rest, but if you’re going to be there for all the dinners we get invited to, I wouldn’t miss any from now on.” My eyes widened at his words as he smirked. Did I just say that out loud?

“Uhm” I breathed. “You’re Mr. Moretti’s other son?” He nodded. One question really did pop out in my mind though. “If this is the first time I’m seeing you, how exactly did you know I’m harmony?” I frowned.

”Well in case you forgot, you are one of William White’s daughters.” He chuckled. “I have seen pictures of you, and have also attended a few of the galas your mother has hosted on behalf of my family. So, this isn’t the first time I’ve actually seen you.” He smiled softly.

His words put me at ease, however I couldn’t shake off his you are one of William White’s daughters. That I am not.

”I see that you’re here all alone.” Without an invitation he sat beside me.

"I am here alone," I confirmed, frowning. Confused as to why he was sitting with me.

As you may or may not have noticed having a conversation with boys, let alone gorgeous boys, is something I am completely awful at. I just don't know what to do or say, and I'm quiet half the time thinking why the hell would they want to open a conversation with me?

"Well that's unfortunate. Why would anyone want to leave a beautiful girl like you alone?" My eyes widened at his words, as my face started to heat up.

I could feel my heartbeat expedite. I wanted to be the kind of girl who is confident enough to thank whoever compliments her. I wanted to thank him, but all I did was unobtrusively stare at him.

"So Harmony, what are you doing here all alone?" He gave me a soft smile.

"I wanted s-some fresh air I guess" I stammered, trying to avoid eye contact I turned my head, to face the way the waves as they 'whoosh-ed' on the already wet sand. Now that I think about it, I don't know what beach this is. Ugh. Of course I would do something like that. Walk around cluelessly, not even bothering to know where I was going.

“Enzo, Which beach is this?" I still didn't look up at him. I kept my gaze on the waves. He chuckled at my question but nevertheless answered it.

"This is main beach," I scrunched my face the moment he said that.

"The beach is called main beach? They couldn't think of an easier name?" I rolled my eyes. He stared at me for a few seconds before he burst into laughter.

His laugh was just contagious, I couldn't help but join in.

A smile managed to stay put on my face as we both continued staring at nothing in particular. None of us were speaking, the only thing our ears caught were seagulls singing, horribly might I add and the same 'whoosh-ing' of the waves.

**

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Ethereal

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